Hi all, I posted a thread a few weeks back asking for help for DP. This is the original thread:
m posting this on behalf of DP. I know you'll say it's none of my business, but I have access to Mumsnet and he doesn't do easier for me to ask. I'm not get involved in real life other than to support DP.
*Access arrangements for his DD have broken down. Previously he had 2 evenings every week and EOW Friday to Sunday. His ex has now said one evening per week and every Sunday 10-8. No overnights. DP also has other children who followed the same pattern (no changes with these).
ExP won't say why she wants to change but has recently started a new hobby for which she needs childcare every Sunday. This would seem to be the reason.
She won't go back on the new arrangement so DP has arranged mediation and is fully prepared to go to court. However, he can't get an individual interview date for mediation until end of May so it looks like the whole process is likely to take months.
My question is, what does he do in the meantime. He clearly doesn't want to stop seeing DD, that isn't an option. However his fear is that if he goes along with the suggested contact then by the time it finally gets to court the judge will see it as the new normal and won't change it back again. It clearly isn't in DDs best interests as it reduces her sibling contact and since her GPs live far away she will never see them (can't get there and back in one day and they can't get to us).
Should we stick to EOW but just have the Sunday's? Or go along with every Sunday? What would be your advice for now if in the future DP was going to ask the judge for the original agreement back?**
I'm wondering now if you can help with the next issue. DP went to mediation, put his side across and was told ExP would now be invited to do the same. He hadn't heard anything so contacted the mediation centre to find out what was happening. He was told ExP had stated she didn't want to attend. In the meantime contact has been mostly reestablished as per their original agreement. However DP still keen to get something in writing so that ExP can't keep doing this.
On pick up at the weekend ExP quite blatantly stated that he would have no choice now but to take her to court if he wanted an agreement in writing and that she hoped it would cost him everything he had. He asked what she meant and she just smirked at him, saying it will cost him more than money. He again asked what she meant, and she said if he takes it to court she will claim he is harassing and intimidating her and will get an order from the court to prove it. She will then be entitled to legal aid while he will be likely to lose his job (works with children) or at least any chance of a decent career.
DP is very rattled by this and from asking around it appears you don't need any objective evidence for a harassment order or non-molestation order, just the subjective "feeling" of being intimidated is enough. There is absolutely no evidence of harassment or intimidation as it simply hasn't happened. He is now saying he is too frightened to take her to court as any sniff of any sort of abuse accusation genuinely could end his career.
Surely this can't be right?? Surely she needs some kind of evidence to claim abuse? Are the courts not wise to this type of claim at the point that legal action is threatened in order to claim legal aid?
I am dumbfounded that he can be held over a barrel like this but he is terrified to pursue things in case she is right.
I am asking on here for anyone with any experience to give their view on things as if she may be able to pull this off, DP is genuinely screwed and won't be able to go to court, but this seems unbelievable to my (probably naive) brain!
Thank you for any advice you can offer