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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

is ??? rude??? Well, is it??

45 replies

bigbadbadger · 20/05/2019 16:53

I am self employed and I work 6 days a week but have Sunday off to spend with my family. In the last few years a number of my clients have become very demanding, insisting on answers to non urgent questions immediately. I have informed them that I do not work at all on a Sunday and turn my work phone off. This doesn't deter a few and this morning I turned on my phone to see:

10.22am
"Can you do Wednesday 12th instead of Tues 11th, same time"
13.04
"I can not longer do Wed, please advise"
15.56
"???"
17.01
"??"

I called her this morning and she was very breezy, we changed the appointment. I reminded her I do not have my work phone on a Sunday and she said "Oh I was sorting the diary out, it's not a big deal"
So why send me so many texts?

Others regularly do this too. Is it rude or am I old fashioned and out of touch. I feel a bit out of the loop, like I've missed something that's changed in communication. AIBU to not respond to clients on a Sunday?

Thank you

OP posts:

Gottalovesummer · 20/05/2019 18:05

Are you a cm?

Happynow001 · 20/05/2019 18:27

Yes an automated out of office message is definitely the way to - as well as switching off your business phone until your next work day.

Also do create an automated signature/footer for emails clarifying exactly when you are/are not contactable. This will pop into your email template each time you create a new email.

Do that from your laptop (under Options I think, from memory) or
On the iPhone I think it's under Settings, Mail, Signature (just edit the signature).

I used to work a short week and people would still try and contact me for work issues on days I wasn't being paid and the automated messages helped a lot.

Happynow001 · 20/05/2019 18:34

For texting "out of office messages" I THINK you hit Settings, Phone, Respond with Text and type out of office message there. You'd need to test it first though in case I've misunderstood! 😁

Sewrainbow · 20/05/2019 18:36

V rude yanbu

CuriousaboutSamphire · 20/05/2019 18:40

Crikey! That's so different from my clients
Yes, they send me texts and email over the weekend but if I reply I get a very big thank you, message of surprise, in return. Like me they clear their decks over the weekend, using a couple of hours to get rady for the following weeks, but nobody expects a response until Monday - ever!. Even my individual lanldords wouldn't expect a weeken response, well, not more than once...

And yes, those ??? were very bloody rude. An impatient "Well, where are you?" that she couldn't be arsed to write out in full!

BlueSkiesLies · 20/05/2019 18:42

I would say that "???" is 100% rude

Especially given there were so many texts

happymummy12345 · 20/05/2019 19:50

It's very rude. I see someone who works for herself. I only message her during her working hours, and make a point of never messaging her on her days off, and will wait for a reply.
But I know others will message at all hours and often expect a reply more or less straight away (which is not always possible), and on her days off. If they don't get one they will message again. (She even had people messaging her while she was abroad on a personal holiday, which I thought was unbelievable).

switswoo81 · 20/05/2019 20:09

Yanbu at all.and those messages were extremely rude . My dad is a driving instructor and does not answer calls/texts during lessons his voicemail says this. He says people are paying for a full hour its rude.He schedules breaks in the day to reply yet people are so indignant that he didn't reply in minutes.

Ilove31415926535 · 20/05/2019 20:11

Ugh, I hate always being contactable I'm getting old and make a point of being inconsistent with my replies to texts/messages in my personal life, so no one expects me to reply instantly. Should my phone happen to be in my hand anyway, then maybe, but it can be anything from 10 mins to a few days. I've also turned off all the notifications I can, so I have to physically look for messages if I want to. I appreciate this is difficult when it comes to building a business/with certain jobs.
My work can't afford my evenings/weekends or holidays - my staff know they can contact me for emergencies, but everything else will be ignored. Similarly, they're out of bounds when they're off, and other staff members know I won't sanction them contacting them!
I recently removed all SM from my phone, and I'm really enjoying it! I was on the train the other day, and a young lass sat and typed the whole time (4+hours) on various platforms, her phone pinged and beeped and vibrated constantly, and it made me feel quite stressed on her behalf! Now and then she'd put it down to gaze out the window, and it would beep - she couldn't leave it - and it struck me as sad that she couldn't switch off for a bit. As I get older I have markedly less patience for entitlement, and these constant demands on our time are ridiculous! Someone once demanded to know 'where I'd been' as I hadn't replied to a WhatsApp message for a few hours, and where was I that I didn't have access to WiFi fucking one tick or 2 ticks, I want to turn them off completely, at least they don't go blue any more - they got very short shrift!
Anyway, I digress OP! YANBU!

Horispondle · 20/05/2019 21:00

Haven't RTFL but are you an iPhone user and is the customer android? Because since my DH changed phones he was sending me massively out of context '????' And I couldn't work out why. Turns out he was sending me emojis that weren't compatible with my phone!! Would explain the breezy tone when you did contact her!

Original poster

bigbadbadger · 21/05/2019 08:21

We both use iPhones - the messages are all blue. Thanks everyone, good to know it isn't me.

OP posts:

DesperadoDan · 21/05/2019 08:57

YANBU! DD does this to me if I don’t reply to her texts within 30 seconds. She will also continuously call me until I pick up. She is 23.
It’s rude, I’ve told her it’s rude but she says it ok because she only does it to me

ddl1 · 21/05/2019 09:02

I don't think it's rude to text you with a message at any time - if you're not there, you're not there. It may be that your clients have chosen times to text when they have time to do so. Having said that, it is rude for them to keep nagging about it after sending the first message, when you have already told them you don't reply on Sundays.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 21/05/2019 11:24

If you're using an iPhone you should have the feature called "Do Not Disturb" and you can Auto-Reply in there. You could have something like this as the wording:
"You've reached bigbadbadger's business. Our working hours are as follows: Mon-Fri 9-4pm, Sat 12 - 4 and we don't work on Sundays. We will get back to your query on our next working day. Thanks".

I don't know if you could activate it on a Saturday and only need to have it saying something like this:
"You've reached bigbadbadger's business. We're closed today, Sunday. We will get back to you tomorrow in relation to your query. Thanks".

Original poster

bigbadbadger · 21/05/2019 11:43

Thank you, DS is less of a luddite and is helping me to set up an out of hours message.

OP posts:

quietcontentment · 21/05/2019 12:19

My Hubby is a mechanic and we have a petrol station attached also, he said to one customer 'Of course I'll do anything to help, just ring the garage if your stuck'.

The workshop is shut on a Sunday just the fuel is open, very normal practice in the trade. Sunday is his day off, one Sunday the above customer rang the garage 8.30 am to ask if he could go up to the town she was in 40 miles away to help her change her tyre.

I explained that it was 8.30 on a Sunday morning, the workshop and all parts places were closed. She replied that he said to call any time, I said yes during normal working hours. She asked again can he not come up, I said no, he is at home with the kids and their still in bed and its his day off. She still kept trying I have to be quite sharp with her in the end.

We have had people ring us at home at 10.45pm at night on our mobiles to talk about their cars, we have had them knocking on our doors after hours. One occasion he answered covered in chicken pox and the customer wanted to know how quick he was going back to work as he wanted a service.

I have also many other examples of when our customers who we have bent over backwards to help, have just kept wanting more, but I could go on for ever and I might sound bitter and twisted!!!!!

I think I preferred dealing with criminals when I was in the Police!!!

It certainly is an eye opener into human nature, I try not to think bad of people who go on like this, but it doesnt fill you with much faith when customers behave this way, its not a very nice part of human nature.

flumpybear · 21/05/2019 12:31

Rude! Definitely set the out of office with opening and closing hours on it and you'll respond during opening hours

Original poster

bigbadbadger · 21/05/2019 12:50

@quietcontentment
Yes, I agree that the more you do, the more you are taken for granted and the demands increase. I was once told I had 'failed your duty of care to my vulnerable son' by a woman because I couldn't accommodate her 14yo at 2 hour notice (I was filly booked and had contacted her 3 times asking if she wanted to book him in - all ignored). I did refuse to work with them again.
Your poor DH, I hope he can laugh about it.

OP posts:

quietcontentment · 21/05/2019 14:45

My hubby has done it for 30 yrs and us hardened to it and does manage to brush it off, but I find it very hard to stomach. The joys of self employment!

Teddybear45 · 21/05/2019 14:50

For me I personally would only offer a SMS reply service to the most prestigious / top paying clients as part of the contract. So basically delete them unread. If anyone complains you refer them to the contract.

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