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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be irrationally upset when I see someone is doing well financially

29 replies

gublercullen · 20/05/2019 12:29

Ok so I already know I'm being unreasonable. Bit of backstory. I had bacterial meningitis last year and was hospitalised, really poorly etc ended up with a permenant brain injury which basically means I'm now living with excess fluid surrounding my brain which causes chronic pain. I also have a tremor and muscle weakness caused by nerve damage, also from the BM. So I went from healthy, happy partner and working mum of two young kids to an absolute Trainwreck, I lost my job because I'm newly disabled and pretty emotionally unstable. My partner has a good job and we make enough to make ends meet, just. We lift paycheck to paycheck so to speak. For example at the minute we've cleared out the overdraft and we aren't due any money until the child tax credits go in on Thursday.

My issue is that everytime I hear that someone has bought a new car or is thinking of buying a bigger house or going on holiday I literally can't contain how upset and angry I feel. It isn't directed towards them as a person...it's as if I can't get over how unfair it is that we had that lifestyle or stability and now within 12 months it's gone. Can someone please just tell me to get my shit together so I can stop being an awful human being Halo

OP posts:
Dontbeadick · 20/05/2019 19:11

So sorry this has happened to you OP. Don't beat yourself up about how you're feeling. It's only natural and I'm sure a lot of people would be the same in your situation. I agree that counselling is a good idea. Have you tried getting in touch with one of the meningitis or brain injury charities? They often have fantastic support networks and you may find something that will help.

12 months is no time at all to adjust to such a huge change in your life. Give yourself time x

Foxmuffin · 20/05/2019 19:13

Half of what you think people have they don’t. It’s all on finance and so many are living up to their eyeballs in debt. No use being jealous you could live like that too!

ProfessorofPerspective · 20/05/2019 19:14

We have been through something similar; my DH was self employed, he had a cardiac arrest followed by a horrendous depressive breakdown and we ended up losing our house.

But fast forward 5 years and he has a good new f/t job (though much less senior than previously) I have been able to step up my hours, we don't yet have our own house but we have a beautiful historic rented home which has allowed us to start a little side hustle we love. And is rather taking off!

It's been a long painful road and we still occasionally live from month to month; I totally understand your frustration and pain. I have been very angry and still get moments when I feel it's massively unfair and we don't deserve it. But it's caused us to develop new skills and talents which I
we would never have done, back in the day.
It's been tempting to think that everybody's else's lives are flawless but everyone has their own, often unseen battles.

I am now also far enough away from the events to start to appreciate how miraculous if was for my DH to survive the cardiac arrest in the first place and secondly not to been in a long term coma. But it's taken me a while to get here, emotionally.

Your resilience will start to shine through but be kind to yourself and be proud; you've survived a major trauma and you're here telling the tale. Life will improve and you will discover new things about yourself.

Wishing you and your family all the best.

Eistigi · 20/05/2019 21:14

OP don't be too hard on yourself. I think you need to look at the as a form of bereavement, you've lost the life and the future you knew/were expecting. Please try get some cocounselling to help you deal with it all.

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