Children (9&10) left alone in house

[Slipjigger]

Hi, my DS aged 9 went to a friend's house last week, his friend is aged 10. I don't really know the family well, they are new to the area but DS and this boy have totally clicked. They have had a couple of playdates in each others houses, both times in my house the mam stayed for 1.5 hrs!!
I'm not overly happy about the friendship as my DS has stopped playing with this usual friends and this boy has no other friends apart from my DS. The boy is nice but has odd behaviour. His mam said he probably has some additional needs, this doesn't bother me or my DS as I have a nephew with ADHD and other needs but it probably explains the lack of other friends and the odd behaviour.

I have been trying to encourage DS to play with this other friends too and include this boy so that he makes other friends but the other boy doesn't seem to want anyone else but my DS

Anyway last week my DH arrived at the boy's house to collect DS and the two boys were alone in the house. His friends answered the boor to my DH (they have never met so he was answering the door to a stranger). DS said the boy's mam told them to stay there that she was heading up the town for 5 minutes. DS said she was gone a few minutes when DH arrived, DH said he was there over 5 mins trying to get DS out the door and no sign of the mam nor did he meet her when he drove through the town.

AIBU in thinking you don't leave kids this age home alone especially not a child that is not yours and that you don't have permission to leave alone. I don't know whether my desire to discourage the friendship is clouding my judgment.

We live in a medium sized village, there are 6 houses in the estate where they live beside the busy main road into the village. Next houses are across that road

Also to consider is if the child has additional needs he may need more support when alone. A friend may not be able to provide that.

So your dh was SO concerned he left the kid on his own when he picked your child up?? Oh well, as long as your little angelcake is ok, eh?

I don’t think it’s inherently an issue to leave that age child for 30mins but I wouldn’t do that for another person’s child without getting their permission. Until secondary school you would assume supervision unless you are asked/told otherwise.

I’m not sure how big a deal it is. I guess it depends on whether they are more laid back but otherwise lovely or whether you are lacking trust now as a result.

Probably best thing is to say directly but not go OTT e.g DH just went to pick up x. We were surprised you weren’t there. Please could you stay with them when my son is visiting as boys can get silly when alone

The only issue here is that she didn't advise/ask you if ok for kids to be alone at hers.
Mine was locking and unlocking the house with her key at 10 sometimes.
I left mine alone for 45 mins from 10 -but she had training re door opening (don't), fire and emergency training, a list of all numbers to call for help along with training for 911, 999 and how to dial out from the home phone.
Also, no playdates in those days. No way would I have another child here with home alone DD.
It's good to build some skills ready for high school. She's 13 this year.

Thanks for all the comments. Just to address a few:

The situation I leave my own kids alone is this - myself and DH do an activity in the village, his finishes at 8.30pm and mine starts at 8.30pm, as a way of increasing their independence I leave the house at 8.25 to drive the 1km into the village and DH is home 10 mins later. I leave the phone with DD11 and she can ring her dad if she needs anything as he will be on his way home. The door is locked (key in the door inside) and they know not to answer it. Plenty of neighbours at home if any emergency. I have risk assessed and felt comfortable they are ok. This mam doesn't know my DS and doesn't know if he is ok and shouldn't take the word of a 9 year old that he is ok to be left alone!

Re my DH leaving the boy there, DH was already late collecting our other two kids from the creche which was waiting to close so he couldn't wait any longer. DH questioned him about where his mam had gone (up the town somewhere) and he said he always stays on his own. DH drove past the house about 20 mins later and the car was back. She was gone for between 10-30 mins.

I do take safety very seriously and don't like my kids at houses where people are too lax. Last year the same DS was driven in a car about 20km not even strapped in with a seat belt never mind being in a car seat. The woman was carrying one too many children in her car and DS was the last in. She told him to share a seatbelt with another child which he wasn't able to do as he couldn't fit!! He has never been back to that house.

TBH I just find the whole family very odd, they have two adults sons I have seen around the town and they are very strange, I have seen the family at Mass a few times they don't really communicate with each other, very sullen and unsociable

The boys are always asking for playdates and I said I would do one but with my DS's good friend too, The other boy said no he didn't want anyone else there and could it just be them two. I haven't done one since.

I would leave them alone happily if I knew they were responsible children. That said I would not leave someone else's child alone without their permission and probably still not then. My ten year old walks home from school, goes to the park with her friend and stays home alone for up to a couple of hours at a time here and there.