Self image advice - 7yo dd & dp!!

[OhWhatAPalaver]

Bit of an odd one. My 7 year old is on the ASD diagnosis pathway atm and paed has said it's likely aspergers/high functioning autism that she has. There are many issues that we have to navigate every day but today and quite a few times previously I've noticed that she seems to have absolutely no regard for the way she looks. She would literally go out looking like she'd just rolled out of bed without giving it a second thought. She had a party today and I was trying to get her to come and have her hair done - nothing fancy as she hates having her hair done at the best of times - but I made a comment about not wanting to go out looking like you've been dragged through a hedge backwards or something and she replied "I don't care. I don't care what I look like." She's said this quite often and although in some ways it's a good thing, I do think she could do with being a bit more self aware. I'm not sure how to go about making her aware of the fact that it's good to be reasonably presentable when leaving the house. When I try and explain that she should care a little bit, to which she then asks "why?" and I can't really give her an answer.

Also, my partner often says he doesn't care what he looks like and today he was going to leave the house having not done his hair (it's long) and dressed in joggers, a t shirt and a hoody. He didn't look good. I asked him to put on some jeans ,which he begrudgingly did. I wouldn't mind if we were just going to Tesco but we had a kids party and a house viewing to contend with.

I am quite conscious of how I look if I'm going anywhere and while I don't wear much make up I do feel like I need it and can't go out without wearing it as my skin is crap (acne sufferer) and I have tired mum panda eyes. Clothing and hair are slightly less important. As long as I look like a reasonably well functioning human I'm ok. I just don't understand how others can not give a shit at all. I get why my daughter is like that as she doesn't actually understand why there might be an issue but my dp... I'm not sure how to put it to him nicely that if he doesn't make any effort at all then he looks, well... A bit unattractive really. I'm not really in to the homeless look!

My youngest DD didn't care until she hit around 11. She'd go out with tangles too...and rips in her clothes. You could say "People will think I don't look after you properly" which is what I used to say. I'd ensure DD understood that I didn't care about "pretty" but I do care about tidy because it's a sign of being well cared for.

Explain a bit about neglect and why children's needs include being tidy and clean because clean means healthy....and it's harder to stay clean if you're untidy.

Shes only 7 years old. Not much more than a baby, really. She'll meet those issues such as worrying about her appearance when she's older.
Don't put pressure on her at such a young age.

Hi OP

I think of be worried if she was like this at 14 but she's 7. She is going to have a lifetime of being judged by looks. As long s she is clean then I don't think it matters. Eg she should brush her hair as if she doesn't it will get more tangled and harder to brush next time. Or tie it up so it doesn't get in her eyes. But if she doesn't want it 'done' in a particular way then so what. Surely the fa t that you dont have an answer means it's not logical. As long as she is clean and comfy then surely that is the priority for child of her age

Yeah, that's what I'm trying to get at. That she needs to be clean and tidy but not particularly 'pretty'. I just couldn't explain it very well. I am really conscious of not putting pressure on her because of her image as I think it's really important these days. But yeah, the 'people will think I don't look after you properly' angle is good. Thanks Henny