To still be finding parenting a bit tough?

[nooriginalnameshere]

Ds just turned 5. I'm constantly knackered. He's really testing boundaries with what he says which can be upsetting. I think overall we have a close relationship but the days are still quite long, there's constant feeding (he's a fussy eater likes often to be spoon fed!), getting dressed (I know he should but he's reluctant) bum wiping x 10 a day (I exaggerate but feels like it), there's no personal space, constant chatter - all very cute but still tiring. I'm not sure I'm explaining this well but is this all normal?

No though I expect some will say it is. I’d stop the spoon feeding. He’ll get hungry and eat soon enough. People fuss too much over what their kids eat. We weren’t given a choice growing up - we ate what we were given or didn’t eat.
Does he go to school? What do they say? My daughter learned pretty quickly she didn’t want to be considered a baby at reception so stopped sucking her thumb pronto. I remember the (very) odd accident as she wouldn’t see before school but that stopped in a few months. I think the other kids in school will tease him and frankly that modifies kids behaviour - sometimes they don’t know what is acceptable until they see how their peers act.

Wee before school, not ‘see’!

The chatter is usual, but not the spoon feeding. He should be mainly dressing himself in simple clothes and wiping his own bum, he will at school if he hasn't started already. How are his motor skills and co-ordination? Do you have any concerns or is it just easier for him or you, if you just do it?

Parenting is always going to be tough. It will have its good days, it's ok days, and the downright awful. Unfortunately, no matter what age they are mums will always care and be there for them and worry. My own mum still sends my brother home with meals for him and his wife and kids whenever they visit. When he calls she still asks what he's eaten, when did he get in, how was his day.

She's incredibly caring and I think as annoying as us kids can be, to our mums, we will always be her children so she will always see us that way. No matter how old we grow and how many children we have of our own.

The tasks will get easier OP the more your little one learns, but you will miss these times I'm sure at some point. Enjoy the beautiful journey but also put you first too! Your health is vital.

Mines 10 and I get exhausted, he's constantly talking, showing me things he likes on the iPad, wanting food but won't eat a proper meal only cheese, meat, olives and snacks! And he's obsessed with me!
I think no matter what the age they have traits which tire you out!
With saying all of that he's the most loving boy you could ask for.

3 under 6 here. I spent the weekend alternating being crying and yelling. Then I get smug arseholes telling me "Just wait until their teenagers, it gets worse!". Feel like I just want to sleep and never wake up sometimes.

YouJustDoYou I hear what you're saying, my son goes a bit loopy when we go out, one minute he's happy next he's crying about the smallest thing! It does my head in, he's improving but jeez sometimes I'd rather just not leave the bloody house!

Chatter is not unusual, but you need to maybe introduce rewards for dressing himself and feeding himself and trying new foods.

And bum wiping really should be his job at this point.

You can also start remarking on personal space, personal time, asking him to wait a bit until you are ready before you do X.

Get him roped in to do chores with you.

Five is a difficult age for both boys and girls.

I think you’d feel better if you helped your son gain a little more independence...which will definitely help at school. So, simply, don’t spoon feed him. From now. It might take longer but so what, sit with him, have music on in background, no stressing just calm matter of fact he does it or it gets left. Children know what buttons to press - my just coming up for two year old walks everywhere quite happily with me yet with her Dad she cries to be picked up immediately out the door. Why? Because he always uses to pick her up and is letting her dictate it still when there’s no need. (They are working on it now he’s noticed how much of a minx she’s being lol). Again with getting dressed, give yourselves a lot longer, no distractions in room, and be matter of fact about your expectations and enthusiastic about his achievements. Have a think about the bathroom routine, etc.
The talking incessantly doesn’t go away and you will enjoy it much more if you are not as drained.

Morning . I've just joined after often reading your posts .

I'm a full time mum to my partners 2 daughters 10 and 9 and have been since their birth mother died when the second was 11 days old. Long story. I dont use step mum as I dont step in and step out I am their full time mum simple as.

Anyway I just wanted to say it's very refreshing reading these posts from you all as biological mums as I honestly thought I only felt like you all do because I didn't give birth to them and secretly thought inside I was a wicked ' step mum ' . Thank you all for making me feel it's ok to have totally shit days swear under your breath cry and drink far too much wine .

I feel I'm qualified to say it doesn't get any easier each age has it's own hideous phases I'm afraid . My attitude is a little old fashioned in that I feel you can only guide and hope love feed and clothe . The rest is up to them. I've stopped worrying so much what will be will be .

I think after nearly 10 years of this every mum is a total super hero so dont beat yourself up just do what you can manage each day and dont feel guilty . You are a person too and if you dont look after yourself you cant look after your kids .

Does he have SEN?

You shouldn’t be wiping a five year olds arse or spoon feeding him if not. That’s not normal.

Outvoid not necessarily, my son was/is very much a mummy does everything child, I'm sure I helped him to eat at that age, also my son is very weak in his arms and doesn't coordinate well so a little help isn't a hardship, and in regards to the bum wiping maybe that child likes to be extra clean? Not all children do things at the same ages/stages.

My dd still wanted to be spoon fed occasionally at that age. She found school exhausting when she first started and I think she just couldn't be bothered, so I spoon fed her sometimes mainly because I just wanted her to eat.

My sons 10 he still hates cutlery and would rather use his fingers! not a problem at the moment as we live in Asia!

Most of it sounds within normal range, although I wouldn't be spoon feeding my 4 year old, and he has to at least attempt a proper bum wipe before I assist.

As far as getting himself dressed, if he's anything like my DS then making him do it himself is a brain meltingly frustrating process, but it has to be done, even though it takes much longer. Some children are very much "me do it!" from a young age. Some have to be exhaustingly prodded along the road to self sufficiency, and you might need to recognise that you have one of those, grit your teeth, and plough on.

The fact that you are still spoon feeding him makes me wonder if you might find it hard to say no to him? That won't help.

I totally get this OP! My DS is 4 and requires constant attention, proximity to me - for about 40% of the day I can keep up with this and then I start to feel exhausted and grumpy. I use audiobooks - 30 mins where he is lying on his bed so I can have a tea/ sitdown/ mindless reading of Mumsnet.

What age should children start wiping there own bum? I don't even know how to start this...

Ds is 18 and I still find things difficult and so do all of my friends with older teens.

Don't spoon feed him, put the food down,if he's hungry he'll eat if he's not take it away. No more than 20 mins per meal beforehand clearing away. He'll get the hang of it soon enough.

Why isn't he wiping his own bottom?

12 and 10 here and I'm still vacant with tiredness.

whytho same here. I still get hollered at when I'm in the shower. fuckssake.

Our DD has had long standing constipation and still isn't completely dry/clean at school (she's coming to the end of Reception) but about 2 months ago we noticed she was coming to us and demanding WIPE MY BOTTOM MUMMY/DADDY so we put a stop to that.

Lots of coaching and some tears and a couple of tantrums and she's now really good - we use washable wet wipes after she wipes with toilet paper. At school she just uses toilet paper unless she has a major accident.

Theee under five here. I find the eldest (nearly five) really hard work as she still struggles with fine motor skills and would prefer we do everything her. I'm also knackered as the baby doesn't sleep. Do you only have one child ? I'll be honest I found I got respite when DC2 was about 18 months as they will play together (until we thought a third child was a good idea). I think only having one can be a lovely but intense relationship.

3 under 6 here. I spent the weekend alternating being crying and yelling. Then I get smug arseholes telling me "Just wait until their teenagers, it gets worse!". Feel like I just want to sleep and never wake up sometimes

This post really resonates with me. I have two older children (teens) a 3 year old (planned) and an (unplanned) 16 month old (relevant)

I was beyond devastated when I found out I was pregnant with number 4 because I was already 5 months gone and I was a week away from my 40th birthday, in the midst of dealing with a hectic 2 year old.

I love them all to bits but I had a nervous breakdown when my youngest was 9 months old. I’m not coping at all. The stupid comments about ‘wait till they are teens’ really got to me.

But for balance, if anyone reads this and is going through the same I’d like to tell you that in my experience my teens are easy. Really easy, helpful, kind and are great company. It got a lot easier for me when they hit 5 and they have been getting easier ever since.

It’s different for everyone, there is hope.

I suspect you’re not unusual re the wiping but I’m quite shocked by the spoon feeding unless there are additional needs. It’s no wonder you’re still knackered as his level independence seems quite low for 5.

Oh god ive had the worst few days ever. Ds off school with chickenpox, dp was away from wed-sun on a course, fil in hospital after suspected heart attack and waiting for surgery to remove remaining tumour after chemo so i had no help. Dd is just a year and ds is 5. Omfg the incessant questions and whinging about fucking stupid things. Spent the weekend cooped up in the house going stir crazy and flitting between crying and yelling. I need out kf the house today before i go mad. At least dp home to take over. I really feel for you single parents out there. Dont know how you do it!