To ask for some advice re my 4 year old daughter?

[SoCallMeMaybe]

She’s always been lovely and sweet. Continues to be so out of the house, most of the time eg at nursery, where she goes three days per week. Never had a moments bother with her.

Her behaviour at home is DREADFUL all of a sudden. Completely out of character. Epic tantrums. Screaming and shouting and running to her bedroom. Really cheeky. Lashing out at me, DH and her wee sister (aged two, can give as good as she gets). This is unheard of for her. She’s also started coming into our bed every night. Which I don’t mind if she needs it right now.

Took her to a party today and she spent most of it sitting on the floor in a huff, for reasons that are not clear to me (I did ask her several times, tried to cheer her up etc but she just scowled). When we got home she was in her PJs watching Hey Duggee and looking happier. I asked her if she was happy and she said “yes. But something is in my head that’s making me feel a worry but I can’t say what it is” and then she changed the subject and wouldn’t be drawn on it again.

I am concerned. She suddenly seems so angry. My suspicion is that it is school. She is starting in August and had her first visit last week. It seemed to go well. She says she’s very excited. There is a lot of chat about it at nursery and we have picked up a couple of uniform bits and pieces for her. I can see why this might all be scary for her.

Any advice??

Thank you. I have ordered the book and I’ll have a wee look on Amazon for some starting school books. She loves books so this is a great idea

My friend got this toy for her wee boy when he was anxious about things. He was a bit older and used to write things down then put them in the monster’s mouth, but a smaller child could draw pictures.

www.amazon.co.uk/Worry-Monster-Plush-Soft-orange/dp/B010NDN2IU?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

If you think it's school talk to her teachers when she goes next time. Tell them that she struggles with the crowds- give them the chance to work with her and help her settle. Your going to have a 6wk or so period of no school which will make it worse if she is worried about something there.

The school has a holiday club and new P1s can go a day or two a week to get used to the school etc. I am thinking about maybe signing her up for a couple of mornings a week. I just don’t want to do the wrong thing.

Just for a completely different perspective you don’t think she could have threadworms do you? My children always become hideously grumpy and sulky when they catch them and wake more at night too. Hope I haven’t offended/disgusted you.

Not at all! Another thing to um...consider! I will try anything

Ruby's Worry that a PP recommended is a good book.

I also like the Molly Potter books: there is one on feelings that has a double page spread on each feeling, talking about how it makes you feel and things you can do when you feel that way. It can be a good jumping off point for "can you think of a time when you felt like that?" or "what things could be good to try when you are feeling worried/angry...?" www.amazon.co.uk/How-are-you-feeling-today?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

She also has another one about friendships (what makes a good friend, how friends are sometimes not nice to each other or fall out and things you can do if you see somebody being mean, or somebody is being mean to you). Lots of nice illustrations and nothing overly traumatic, and sometimes it just prompts a conversation that otherwise might have taken longer to come out.

She also has this one specifically on worries but I haven't read it yet - looks like it might be good for your DD though? www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/1472949803/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_bibl_vppi_i2?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

Another good one in the same vein is this one (more of a story): www.amazon.co.uk/Book-Feelings-Amanda-McCardie/?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

"The Feelings Monster" is probably less practical/useful but also a beautiful book about feelings (especially the Pop-Up version). "In My Heart" is somewhat similar (not much depth in either but beautiful books).

Thank you LightTripper these are fantastic

DS was like this before he started school. He eventually told us that he was frightened of the lady who did the story at the end of his taster morning. I think she did an expression or pretended to be something and scared him. It took some reassurance but he was fine after that.

I've known 4 year olds to sleepwalk prior to starting school. It can be a very anxious time for some of them.

When my DC can't articulate how they are feeling we use this book ; www.thebookpeople.co.uk/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/qs_product_tbp?storeId=10001&catalogId=10051&langId=100&productId=502487&mkwid_-dm_pcrid_337733473390_pkw__pmt__prodid__slid__&pgrid=76289050508&ptaid=pla-656072797826&gclid=CjwKCAjw_YPnBRBREiwAIP6TJwKnczds73MOqwhYYBTyX7enlDk1QL_zt0IMMTGVys-UGBw1VpRJ4xoC-34QAvD_BwE

Have done since they were about 4. It turned out it was mostly worry about starting school.

When I read the first bit of your OP I immediately thought ‘School.’ Reading on makes me think this is very likely, as others have said.

I also worked at a nursery and saw the same changes as PP did; it’s so common. I would try to have a chat about specific worries though and see if there’s something you can allay. Say that you understand she’s probably feeling a bit worried about school, and then ask gently if she can share the worry in her head. The books recommended sound great; I hope you have a break through!

You can try using drawing, or Lego or something crafty - sit next to her as she's occupied also doing something (eg drawing, crossword) and talk gently about worries. Something she can't talk about could be very innocent but is worrying her - eg my DD's friends parents split at that sort of age and the friend wasn't meant to be telling her friends so dd was told to keep it a secret, she then of course worried about us.

Hope it's nothing sinister

I really dislike saying this, and I do not want to worry you too much, OP, in case it is fine. Our DC was similarly well-behaved but then just seemed to go in completely the opposite direction. DC could not articulate what had happened but said some strange things someone had said. Coupled with DC's behaviour, we went to the GP. Turned out to be signs of sexual abuse from someone at school. DC is now in long-term therapy.

Again, it most likely is not this, OP, but we'll worth talking to your GP about.