To tell my manager I am job hunting and the true additional reasons why?

[bananaskinsnomnom]

Posting here really for traffic, didn’t have any response when I posted in another section!

I’m not really been happy at work for a while, but it has been manageable - however I am now realising that I am experiencing bullying to a certain degree, the feelings (physical and emotional) are causing me misery and I’m starting to break down at weekends - I currently feel physically sick thinking about going in tomorrow.

Life is too short for this and I want to move on. I have been there just over 4 years. I had an interview a couple of weeks back (unsuccessful sadly) but has given me determination as the feedback is very useful. I have found similar jobs and am applying.

I was honest with my manager to a point. It said that they were seeking references prior to interview, getting a sick day where I am can backfire horribly (childcare) so I approached and had a chat. Gave the key reasons: pay here is low, I have progressed as far as I can (I’m 3rd from top so would have to boot her out to progress) pension and maternity pay is awful (I did put this forward more politely!) and I got time off for interview. Also said that I wasn’t actively seeking but rather came across.

I think I am being bullied. I used to think I was being paranoid. I am being spoken to extremely aggressively by some colleagues, including in front of children. I can never tell mood- one day, 2 in particular will be happy and the next they will just snap at everything- I am frequently ignored, left out of conversations, then suddenly a best friend again. I am also left alone a lot. One staff member has been rude and undermining and has said some horrible things to me for months, all reported but nothing changes. Manager has admitted to me that she should have come down harsher. She pulled me aside last week and questioned how I was, stating that she was witnessing uncomfortable behaviour towards me. This was my confirmation that I’m not being paranoid.

I’m just miserable. I want to tell my manager everything but frankly she has no spine and will do sod all. Which could also make life extremely uncomfortable for me - it could take months for me to find a new job.

So AIBU to just tell her I am actively seeking employment elsewhere? The problem I have is in my sector interviews are often long, often get references before and we are so short staffed sick days are impossible. She said she prefers honesty.....she said she appreciated me not lying about the interview. Should I state that I feel like I am being bullied? Should I tell her the true impact this is having on my mental health? Or just simply state it’s time to move on and just go for it?

I don’t really have anyone I can talk to about this. I feel so low right now. I just don’t understand, I try so hard to be nice to everyone and it just accounts for nothing. The ve really had to evaluate myself and I’m just having so many doubts.

You need to be truthful about the impact it’s having on your wellbeing. You may find you’re not the only one who is having problems.

She’s the manager - it’s her job to make sure the staff are all ok. If work is making you ill then something isn’t right.

If she doesn’t sort the bullying out then is there anyone above her you can go to?

I’m sorry, I didn’t answer the bit about looking for a new job as I don’t know what to recommend. All I can say is that you shouldn’t be made to feel this bad at work.

I wouldn't

It's like getting bad food in a restaurant. They know they are serving bad food.

Your boss knows it's bad. Telling him won't help you at all. Just bear with it until you find another job. And don't say anything untoward when you leave.

Sadly there’s no one above her except the business owner - who only handles the contracts and takes a salary essentially. This is the problem with small private companies!

I know you are right, work shouldn’t make anyone ill. And I shouldn’t feel this bad. I’ve evaluated my performance and had a supervision very recently and ultimately I’m not doing anything wrong. That’s what the atmosphere is doing to me, making me doubt myself. I can’t believe how long it’s really taken me to realise what was happening....

I guess maybe I will just tell her I’m interviewing if I need the time off. I know it’s important to not burn bridges too. Maybe I can just kill people with kindness and watch them squirm.....

Urgh, I need a drink, anyone want one? “Opens wine”

Tell her in writing and try to get her to acknowledge in writing.
Hopefully you will find a new role, with her blessing. But your safety is the written reasons you're leaving

That’s a good idea, thank you @winobaglady for that advice. I don’t know to what extent my previous talks have been documented, which isn’t good. I am writing it all down now. I’m also going to contact my union.

The best thing to do is have a meeting with your union rep to go over everything then you both present this to your manager. Your union rep will document the meeting. Once she has admitted that she witnessed bad behaviour towards you, your rep can explain that unless the bullying is resolved, you will be actively seeking other employment in your own time and will take annual leave for interviews .