She has no friends

[whatacrapusername2306]

Exactly that. My 17 year old DD has absolutely no social life. She works in an environment with older people, so nobody her age. Her closest friend now has a boyfriend and only spends time with him. She goes to dance once a week, but the pupils are way older than her so nothing social will come out of that. She chats to a few old school friends on social media, but when anything is arranged they drop out with some flakey excuse. Shes is happy, outgoing and fun to be around so I don’t get it. Now she just sits in her bed watching tv shows. Nowhere really for her age group to hang around. I know for a fact she doesn’t want to be stuck at home with us. Any advice would be appreciated

If she is 17 isn’t she still in some sort of educational setting? If not, she is going to have to put herself out there, volunteering or with another p/t job. Have you asked her? It is possible that she is happy staying in.

Are you in the UK? So is she doing an apprenticeship with a day at a college? If so do they have any clubs of any sort she could get involved in, has she any friends there? Or what about doing the Duke of Edinburgh award scheme it goes up to age 24 so she would meet people her age.

She deserves some new friends.
At that age she probably has the energy to do things after work a few times a week, and at weekends. I'd encourage her to go to some classes or workshops in something she loves - drama, musical theatre or a different kind of dance (one that puts on a show would be good, as that helps bond - chatting backstage etc). Maybe a class in something that could enhance her career - a language or similar. Or to get a part time job in a lively bar or restaurant at weekends, where she might meet people her own age working alongside her.

Agree with PPs - in my experience activities where you work together (volunteering, team sports, etc) are more sociable than classes/lessons.

why is she not in some sort of education at that age? not judging, just trying to figure out your circumstances.fwiw, not everyone wants/needs friends. friends are normal for some but others are fine and content without them. if it's not an issue for her I wouldn't worry.

Does she want friends or do you want her to have them?

At her age she really should be in some sort of education or training setting - mixing with kids her own age. She sounds quite isolated.

It’s a hard age - a little older I would say join a running club or volunteer at a local animal shelter or youth activity. But she will not met kids her own age there.

Could she enroll in your local college for September? Is university a possibility?

Ask her to look at the Meet Up app. There's all sorts of shit on there.

I'm sorry she's not for friends. Ots real hard going when you donr

Why does everyone think she needs to be in education? OP says she is working.

Can she drive OP? Maybe learning could give her a focus.

As she is working, could she afford to live in a house share with other young people?

Meetups (as someone above has already suggested) is a good idea - plenty going on there with all sorts of interests and groups. Does she like films? Maybe join a movie club, go out to the cinema as a group. Does she like reading? Book club? etc. If she’s working there may be evening classes in the area, sport, fitness, a language class.
It is a pity to be isolated at such a young age, if it wasn’t for the fact that the OP says she’s happy I would be concerned about depression. But it doesn’t sound like it, maybe just that she’s comfortable being with herself. I was like that for some years in my 20s, I don’t think it ruined me psychologically, but I do think it has had some lasting and not entirely desirable effects. So I hope she can make some friends somehow. Good luck!

She should work part time in a pub / restaurant on a friday / saturday and she will soon have a thriving social life.

Where are you based in the UK, OP?

My slightly older daughter keeps pretty much to herself. Has one friend from school, there were major bullying issues in the last two years of school which caused a division between her and her then best friend and a neighbour up the road.

The friend from school has had a serious boyfriend but that eventually blew over and she moved back home.

Mine is going to get back into tennis lessons. She takes herself off on walking/driving tours on weekends.

A couple of them catch up from work every 2nd Friday night for cards which is great, but there is still loneliness. I try and keep her in the loop what is happening at home and try and arrange for her either to come back (she lives os) every few months or for one of us to go over for a long weekend.

I'm stumped for other ideas too. But you and yours are not the only ones in this position.

I was kind of similar to your DD at her age. For me I grew up with a massively overprotective father that wouldn't let do anything really always stressing and worrying about what could happen to me and planting worse case scenarios into my head. Then surprise surprise I grew into a young adult anxious to do anything and cut off from friends. Things changed after I went uni as I was kind of thrown into a social scene and my father wasn't there to influence me anymore.

Makes me wonder if she gets a little anxious about things maybe and it's stopping her from venturing out? 17 is still quite young. Is it her job choice that's landed her in a position where she's working with older people or is it the company? Could she change where she worked? Or maybe start up another hobby where she'll come across more people her age, gym, another type of dance, maybe a part time course, something like that?

Senior section/ Rangers in Girl Guiding are 14-18 so she's just in the right age range for that.

If she volunteers with units, there are social events and opportunities aimed at 18-30s

ZoMbiE ThReAd

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