Am I ever going to be taken seriously?

[namechan]

Name changed for this.
I'm literally consumed by worry 24/7 at the minute.
Long story short is I'm due to have a 2nd baby to a 2nd dad and I'm 19.
After consideration, although it was completely unplanned, unexpected and will be very difficult, the best thing is to keep it.
All my excitement and happiness is clouded by fear and worry about people's opinions and judgement and if I'm just going to be seen as 'that girl' or that typical teenage mother with different kids to different dads!!
I work hard, I study, I've ran my own home for over a year, I believe I'm a good mum.
I'm just concerned that I'm always going to be judged and never taken seriously now when getting onto career paths etc, like I'm always just going to be stereotyped and unable to get away from it.

This sounds so soap opera reading it back but this is just my life at the minute, I'm completely overwhelmed!!!

Call me old fashioned, but you don't have to discuss your sex life with strangers or colleagues. It isn't compulsory. You don't have to make some dramatic announcement 'Oh I'm 19 and 2 kids by 2 dads' . Why do you think any of this would impact your career path unless you choose to make a song and dance about it?

The only advice I'm going to give you, from a place of concern, is, sort your contraception out. You know the old saying once is an accident, twice is careless, three times is stupidity, don't prove people right.

Ignore any comments. You can't win. I am an older mum and I have similar anxieties for different reasons. Enjoy your babies!

@UnicornBrexit that's true. I think I just know from experience with having my first so young that it just automatically invites a lot of questions from people's curiosity.

And this time is a contraception failure which is why it's so unexpected.

I think you’ll have to work harder than all your peers to get to the places you want to be, but I’ve known women who have done it.

@Liverbird77 thank you, you too. very true that you can't win, there'd always be a judgement about something!

I've got 4 to three dads. I never planned my life that way, but it's the way it worked out. I'm now happily married, my kids are loved and part of a happy family. Sure, I've had some negative comments but I don't care. I'm a good mum and it doesn't make anyone a better person than me because of it.

Congratulations on pg I hope you have a safe,happy pregnancy and that your wee one is excited about being a big brother/sister.

Ok,being honest yes you’ll be judged,some (not all) will cast aspersions
The 1st thing to sort is stop is that is their negativity.their problem
As you say you’re a good mum
You don’t need to justify or explain two kids,two dads.its no one business

Motherhood is all about judgement.other folk and self imposed
Assumptions,Judgement,stereotypes are unfortunately part of motherhood

I’m double your age,and judged by different standards

Work FT,have done since kids were 6mth My Babies FT in nursery
Missed school play due to work commitments.Presumed to be avaricious
Yada yada

I’m not being flippant,but you cant please everyone
So don’t bother trying

I wish you well
You need to be emotionally resilient, practice your IDGAF face
Stop being so hard on yourself

@cookiechomper @LipstickHandbagCoffee thank you both! Think I definitely need to learn a bit more resilience!!!!

Yup
Don’t put the boot in yourself, and learn to distance yourself from the tutters
Anyhoo, I grew up in a scheme,single parent family. My mum had her 1st child 18yo
I Had a happy childhood,mum who demonstrated good work ethos.im grateful

Yup
Don’t put the boot in yourself, and learn to distance yourself from the tutters
Anyhoo, I grew up in a scheme,single parent family. My mum had her 1st child 18yo
I Had a happy childhood,mum who demonstrated good work ethos.im grateful

Eek,two posts

I've been where you are OP, people may well make judgments and think things, but in my experience they rarely have the audacity to say it out loud. There will be those that do but that says more about them than you. I'm judged often for different reasons and I use the negativity as the impetus to push me forwards. You've got this!!!

Yes you will be judged by some, but not all.

Having children by different fathers is hardly uncommon these days, but because of your age some will see you as feckless.

I was a 21 year old mum who looked a lot younger and I did get a lot of odd looks in the street, and no doubt comments behind my back.

19 is a very young mum these days, but women have been having babies for a young age since the dawn of time.

Yup
Don’t put the boot in yourself, and learn to distance yourself from the tutters
Anyhoo, I grew up in a scheme,single parent family. My mum had her 1st child 18yo
I Had a happy childhood,mum who demonstrated good work ethos.im grateful

You can't live your life constantly worrying about what other people may or may not think of you. Yes people will have opinions on your circumstances but I'm sure you've heard the saying: opinions are like arseholes - everybody's got one.

The only one that really counts is your own and I wonder if perhaps some of your anxiety is because you yourself realise it's maybe less than ideal? That's ok, it's fine to acknowledge to yourself that this isn't exactly what you planned but then you need to remind yourself that you've weighed it up and decided to proceed. So you've made a decision that you know is the right one for you.

Don't waste your time and energy thinking of how to explain or justify or try to convince people that you're not some stereotype, you know you're a good mum so carry on with that. You know you're a hard worker so again, carry on with that. It's what you think and do that counts, nobody else.

You don't have to explain yourself to anyone. Don't even mention it unless anyone asks, and even then depending on who it is, you don't have to. As long as you and the children are happy, that's all that matters.

@ImNotHappyaboutitPauline I wouldn't call it less than ideal. I just thought after I'd had a baby so young that I'd try and make life as conventional as possible after that and this is a very unconventional circumstance I'm in again and I just didn't expect to be in this situation! I think I'm still getting my head around it, I'm still early on!

I’m nearly twice your age and struggle with resilience! Best of luck to you OP, you sound very self-aware and like you have your head screwed on.

Well that's kind of what I meant name possibly badly worded . My point I suppose was that you already know that it's not exactly as you planned but that you're able to adapt to this and get on with life.

Namechan People judge women for so much - I get judged as I don't have kids and it's as though I have somehow failed at being a woman 🙄

I'm not going to go into why I don't have kids with anyone who judges me though, so all I'll say is hold your head up high, you haven't broken the law, you put a roof over your kids' heads, and just concentrate on your family and not what other people think.

Doesn't matter, you have 2DC. End of. Their paternity is of no business to anyone else. I have 3 children to 3 different dads. If people judge it's of no concern to me. Don't let it bother you, you have a lovely baby to look forward to!

My mom had this when she was 17, shotgun marriage, in 1957 followed by swift divorce in 1960.
She got a university degree with 2 toddlers in the house, went onto a good career, just to prove everyone wrong, I guess she could say.
I can only suggest that time will prove your detractors wrong. You can, too.

Don't fret so much. You are young - your kids will be at school in a few years then you can get back to training / studying and build a work life for yourself. Don't have a third though or you will not have the time or money to get yourself a life - it will be completely consumed by the kids. Also posters are right in saying you don't have to go around telling everyone all the details.

Congratulations. Ignore the judgers. I got judged for having my DC late (at 40 and 44). You don't have to tell everyone your life story. It's none of their business.

My friends mum had 7 to 5 different men and was even put on probation for shagging her partners son who was underage at the time (15).
Shes really doing alright now, so I think you'll be o.k OP.