All night parties for a 13yo

[NotWithTheProgramme]

Strange question I’m afraid, but my DH and I are having an ongoing debate with my DSD13 about what is ‘normal’ with regards to teenage parties.

She’s just moved in with us (from a different part of the country) and maintains that in this area there are no parties and teens are ‘boring’.

She used to go to house parties every weekend - dolled up to the nines (we’ve been shown pictures on Instagram, dear god, the girls look about 25!) lots of alcohol, older boys etc.

We didn’t know about these events at the time, but I’m now hearing stories of her sharing beds with 3/4/5 people as standard, getting drunk to the point of being sick etc. We’ve discussed at length with her at 13, this is far from normal, but she maintains it’s what everyone does, and so considers that it is completely standard.

Now she’s here a girl at school has said that parties aren’t really a thing until 16ish (backed up my my late teen family) and there’s been a strop about how boring it is.

Could anyone offer any suggestions as to when their teens started ‘partying’ and what this entailed? I’m fairly sure (although happy to be proven wrong!) that the anomaly is the 13yo raves that she’s used to, but not sure how to convince her of that... DH and I have discussed showing her the thread either way, so please don’t hold back!

At 13? Definitely not! Dd is 13 she might go to the cinema or Nandos in the evening with friends (rarely) and they are all collected by parents by 10 at the latest!

I know of some that party and drink by 13 but I wouldn’t allow mine! I find 15 and year 10 is when it ‘starts’ but even then I sent mine with a little stubbie of cider and picked her up by 11 every time (to check she’d not been drinking loads). By year 11 parties are bigger and go on until midnight. Of course many parents won’t let them do this either and won’t let them drink until 18. Think it’s all about trust.

My DD is year 8 (so 12-13) and her friends definitely have no All night parties with alcohol/older boys. They have sleepovers with a few girls. And she’s friends with girls that have older siblings so I’m sure that would’ve filtered down to them as an expectation that they should start doing this. On the other hand, no parents I know would leave 13 year olds to get drunk and sleep 3-5 to a bed with older boys. Unfathomable.

Thank you all for these responses - they entirely match what we’ve said, we’re now battling what was allowed by other parent, and trying to reset the rules, which is going down about as well as you would imagine!

I’m struggling to understand how a number of parents must have allowed this (no party with just one child!) hence asking for input...