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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Aibu re. Dp and his 2nd job / hobby

9 replies

AnotherNC19 · 18/05/2019 17:45

For background. I'm a sahm. Dp works a ft job and has a 2nd self employed job which is in the entertainment industry.
When we met he had a full time job, plus approx 3 gigs a week.
Overtime they dwindled down. And he had a bit of break from it. He then got back into it, on average 1 a week.. Again on top of his ft job.
I have no issue with that.
We have a 1 Yr old, and I have a dc and he has a dc who is here EOW. So sometimes those gigs fell when his dc was here. I have no issue with having his dc whist he diyf an evening. Altho in was hard. Early dinner, sorting out all the kids for baths or showers. Baby's routine etc.
For the past 6bweeks he's had no evening work, had to quit his regular one for personal reasons.
He's has since been looking with my help. He potentially has one and is going to request alternative weeks. But I have recently found out I'm pregnant.
I have just said to him that once baby born. The gigs will have to be re evaluated as its not fair for me to do the routine of 2 under 2yo. And the other 2 dcs.
He got the hump.

For context he literally would get in from his day job at 6pm. Has to leave at 7pm so literally shower, food and leave. So I would of done the entire day on my own too

I'm. Not saying not to do it. But just we'd have to re evaluate, so maybe 1 in 4.. He does it a lot for the money but also the enjoyment and social side of things.
We could survive without the money but I know he'd thro that in my face. And say that's why he does it.. But there been plenty of times that he's had breaks short or long and we've got on fine.

I'd love to get an evening job but it would get in the way of his work. And a day job is out of the question due to childcare expenses.

Hope I've covered everything

OP posts:
AnotherNC19 · 18/05/2019 17:59

Also he was the one very keen to want another child. Altho I did too. He was broody before I even was. So he must realise dynamics will change.

OP posts:
Finfintytint · 18/05/2019 18:06

He needs to start parenting and his hobby could still be accommodated on a limited basis. Selfish of him if he pursues this without consideration for you and the children.

AnotherNC19 · 18/05/2019 18:09

I don't want him to stop. But maybe one a month. I could get a sitter. And join him so its a night out too.. As it is for him even though he's earning.
I knowhe loves it. But it's a hard slog sometimes after being at home all day. Sorting kids. Making sure he has a dinner before going as won't have time to cook. For him then to eat shower and leave. Leaving me with the kids getting sorted and cleaning up.

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 18/05/2019 18:09

I think you need to push the evening job and say how come it’s ok for him but not you. The balance is put he gets it all his way

AnotherNC19 · 18/05/2019 18:10

All I said is it would need re evaluating once baby born..

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 18/05/2019 18:12

I think maybe you needs to reevaluate because you are not asking too much and he is giving you nothing

AnotherNC19 · 18/05/2019 18:14

Prob because he's been doing it a lot of years. And is good money. 1 night would be a week wage for me. But it wasn't about the money. Its about lack of consideration for what he's going to be leaving behind each time he goes.

OP posts:
AnotherNC19 · 18/05/2019 18:45

It's now making me wonder if having another baby is a good idea. As I thought he would understand. Especially knowing how low I was for a bit after having the last one.
My head is all over the place

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 18/05/2019 19:04

Talk to him explain all of this and the fact you need to do some evening work

His response will tell you all you need to know

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