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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my friend is taking the absolute piss??

22 replies

hmga90 · 18/05/2019 13:40

Broke up with my boyfriend 2 weeks ago. My best friend has been amazing- has stayed over with her baby DS several times, made sure I’m fed, ensured communication with my ex has gone through her (with regards to bits and bobs of money etc) so I haven’t had to speak with him etc etc.

I was off last week and looked after her DS for 2 days while she was in work, having him overnight in between so she could enjoy some time with her DH. Wasn’t a problem what so ever because as I said she has been an absolute angel.

She has now texted me to ask if I would look after her DS full time on my day off in the week (I get a day of a weekend and one in the week). I’ve said no, my day off is for me to relax, catch up with friends etc and that I don’t mind helping on occasion if she is desperate. She has a very willing (and lovely) mum who will happily have her DGS but apparently this isn’t good enough for her. He goes to nursery 5 days a week currently and I’m assuming her plan was to cut it down to 4.

Apparently I am being massively unreasonable, has told me to call my ex myself if I need to (keeping in mind SHE offered the arrangement in the first place) and that she won’t help me any longer if I need it and “isn’t it nice that I have the time to spend with friends” Hmm. It was her choice to have a baby no?

I’ve told her to fuck off and leave me alone because I don’t need the hassle.

AIBU?

OP posts:
DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 18/05/2019 13:44

YANBU. Doing a favour for a few days does not mean you’re obligated to be her unpaid childcare. Especially when the only reason you’re around is because you don’t work Monday to Friday!

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 18/05/2019 14:07

She is being very unreasonable. To be fair she did go above and beyond after your break up but it was wrong of her to do this one off thing for you in the expectation you'd help her out every week, indefinitely

It's a massive thing she's asking you to do - expecting you to give up the equivalent of half your weekend, every single week for the next few years to save her £200+ a month, in return for her staying with you for a few days and sending some messages to your ex

If you have kids will she take them on the weekend day that you work?

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 18/05/2019 14:08

Also you've already said you'll help her on the odd occasion that she's desperate. That's what she did for you!

recrudescence · 18/05/2019 14:10

I think her expectations were totally unreasonable. It’s for the best that the friendship is over.

TheCatInTheSquare · 18/05/2019 14:18

It's interesting timing that she suddenly is so helpful and supportive of you right before askinh you for a massive favour.

snowdrop6 · 18/05/2019 14:30

Bloody hell ...with friends like that ...
At least you were assertive enough to say fuck off
My eyebrows were rising as I read you had him over night ..I was already thinking what a piss taker.

youarenotkiddingme · 18/05/2019 14:30

Yanbu. Short term necessary help for someone in emotional crisis hardly equates to FT day care for years in end which will save her about £40 a day/week!

AnneLovesGilbert · 18/05/2019 14:36

She’s being horrible. Friends help each other out. They don’t exploit or blackmail us.

Sorry you’re having a shit time Flowers

simplekindoflife · 18/05/2019 14:37

She's got a cheek asking and an even bigger cheek getting the hump when you refuse! Unbelievable!

YANBU OP and she sounds like a selfish user. Her kid, her responsibility!

pictish · 18/05/2019 14:41

Yanbu...she’s an opportunistic cow isn’t she, trying to use her support to make you feel obliged to her indefinitely. Not on. Not on at all.

RelaisBlu · 18/05/2019 14:43

Do you think she had this request in mind, going out of her way to be exceptionally supportive so that you would feel obliged to agree to care for the baby?

Baddit · 18/05/2019 14:45

YADNBU She was totally out of order to even ask. You looked after her DS for 48 hours solid which is a massive favour to her and totally balances out the short term support she's given you.

UnicornDaisy · 18/05/2019 14:45

You are not being unreasonable and your 'friend' is being extremely unreasonable.

You clearly appreciate her support and by the sounds of it have returned the favour.

Give her a wide birth! You don't need manipulative friends who spot an opportunity and then become nasty when they don't get their own way!

billy1966 · 18/05/2019 14:52

What a user.

Soconfusedandlost · 18/05/2019 14:58

Can I check something before I make a tit of myself please?

You say she asked you to have her DC on your weekday off. Is this a one-off or every week? Have you clarified that with her as obviously every week is a piss take but now and again is a different story

TinselTimes · 18/05/2019 15:00

She did you a favour re your ex.
You did her a childcare favour already.

She’s trying to take away your leisure time and make you work for her indefinitely.

Yanbu at all. Best to cut off a user like that.

Boysey45 · 18/05/2019 15:03

I've known some right grasping, using types and shes right up there with them.
She taking advantage YWNBU to tell her to fuck off. Fair enough helping her occasionally but not every week. You are not a paid childminder.Its for family or for a paid childminder to help out this much not a friend.

elsabadogigante · 18/05/2019 15:06

Stand your ground!! Do NOT agree to have her son every week she's taking the piss and do not hesitate to cut her off if she keeps trying to hassle you.

INeedAFlerken · 18/05/2019 15:12

What AmIRight... said: *It's a massive thing she's asking you to do - expecting you to give up the equivalent of half your weekend, every single week for the next few years to save her £200+ a month, in return for her staying with you for a few days and sending some messages to your ex?

Also, If you have kids will she take them on the weekend day that you work?

And, Also you've already said you'll help her on the odd occasion that she's desperate. That's what she did for you!

I would put all that in a text or an email, politely, to give her a chance to see how outrageous her request is. Yes, she helped you out for a few day. But in return, you happily took her baby for 2 days and overnight so she and her DH could have some time together.

Now she thinks you owe her half your weekend forevermore...?

She's mad. And ridiculous. Point it out to her as suggested.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 18/05/2019 15:23

Well, if you wanted to be a childminder, then I'm sure you would set up in business.

user87382294757 · 18/05/2019 15:36

I have met 'friends' like this before. making a big fuss of you and then expect a lot on return, get arsey when you don't comply. Stay clear, and learn from it. Think it is called 'hoovering' or something like that. I even had it with one, with the DCs. They would invite DC and make big fuss of them, special time with films and special food etc, then when they needed it expect it all back and more! So be wary.

user87382294757 · 18/05/2019 15:38

Some people know how to manipulate others.

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