To make a complaint about manager or let it go over my head

[Emily1091]

So a bit of background on said manager - she’s had formal grievances raised against her due to breaching confidentiality and speaking out of turn in the office offending several people with her views of teen pregnancy, mental health etc etc and sharing details of members of the teams health/disciplinary/performance she oversees with the team for a bit of gossip. I have not had any problems with her in the above regard directly but I have been present when she has said things about other members of the team which should not be shared.

Anyway, Thursday and Friday two separate colleagues came up to me to say that she has said in a busy canteen of factory workers that I do not know who my child father is, I am about 10/11 weeks pregnant and in the early stages and I most certainly do know who my baby’s dad is. I have asked in what context it was said as I know things can be blown out of proportion and it was said that one factory worker was asking about how I was getting on (we are friends) and she said well she doesn’t know who the father is. Factory worker asked why she said that and she said that that’s just what she says when she finds out someone is pregnant. Am I being unreasonable or is that bang out of order.

2 separate people have come up to me to verify these claims and I’m actually really hurt and upset by it. There is no truth in this claim and if it was a joke or not it’s wrong to say it. I’m thinking about making a complaint about her but am I blowing it out of proportion ? I couldn’t even look at her Friday and she knew something was up as she was being overly nice.

I’m not a confrontational person and I’m quite emotional anyway so I know if I pulled her to one side she would deny saying it and I would end up in tears and be left feeling silly.

Or do I let it go over my head in the hope she will target someone else and leave me be

Please help

Do not speak to her about it, if you have an hr dept. or there is another manager above her, report it to them and let them investigate/deal with it. Do not discuss it with anyone else including the people who told you, tell them it’s in hr’s hands and you can’t talk about it then let HR handle everything. If she approaches you to speak about it or say it was a joke, misinterpreted etc tell her to talk to hr. You don’t have to put up with this, malicious gossip in the workplace is bullying and she needs to be pulled up for it.

I think you would look silly to speak to her manager based on hearsay.

Speak to her in the first instance. You don't need to say much, or be horrible. Stick to the facts: "I'm unhappy that you have apparently told people that I don't know who the father of my baby is". Let her bluster for a bit, you really don't need to say much more. If she denies it, again be factual: "I was told this separately by three different people".

Or just let it go.... Obviously she's ridiculous and, given she has form for this, quite possibly no-one takes her seriously. Does it actually impact on you, eg are there people whose opinion does matter to you that believe her?

What did you say to the people who told you? Be robust and push back. "Oh, that Sandra again. Bloody hell, she's out of order. Take no notice of her."

Oh, feel free to report anything you hear directly from her, whether it's about you or someone else. Hearsay leaves you on weak ground, unless the others are prepared to come forward.

And, no, you don't have to put up with bullying (of yourself or anyone else).

Agree with speckofstardust. Contact HR.

What do you want the outcome of a complaint to be?

Has she recently had a grievance made against her, it,at have been upheld or she may be on a warn8ng if it was 8n 6 months maybe a year.

She sounds like a nightmare tbh. Did you tell everyone you are pregnant or just inform management?

I told management first as I had to be sent home from work one day before I told them as I was so sick. I suspect she has told another member of the team without my permission as her and this other team member are very close outside of work, braidsmaids at each other’s weddings, invited to each other family celebrations. This woman claimed to have guessed I was pregnant as I was sat with a blanket round me one day at work (??) I have no proof to back up the manager had told her but it’s pretty clear to me that she had.

I don’t know the outcome to the grievance if she had a warning but the employees complaint was upheld and she received a pay out but the manager did tell me details of it saying she could have had the complainant face legal action for slander amongst other things.

I guess I want the outcome of the complaint to be for her to take confidentiality seriously and to stop being a little bitch in the office. It took a toll on me last time as there was an atmosphere and we have new staff members down as 2 people have left due to the treatment from this woman and she’s carrying it forward. I don’t want to go back to work there after maternity leave due to this.

Go over her head. This is not how a manager behaves and she needs calling up on it.

Go to her manager-shes telling people private information regardless of the weird comment

How she has kept her job already i dont know

Do not speak directly to her.

I would actually ask the people who told you about it to log it with HR. That might avoid heresay.

Damn that's nasty op. Don't discuss it with her but report it to HR and her own manager. Good luck 😉

Report it to your line manager who will likely then raise it with HR. It’s likely to be against any dignity at work procedure your employer has; even if there isn’t a written procedure, you have a right to expect a certain duty of care, in this case not to have hurtful and potentially embarrassing rumours spread about you.

This is shocking behaviour - it would absolutely not be tolerated in my workplace and you shouldn’t have to put up with it.

I would go over her head and report it.

The whole place sounds toxic.
You know she's had official grievances about her in the past. Do you all sit gossiping all day?

Speak formally, via the correct channels to HR.

I think you'd need to be careful though as "my mate said my boss said" sounds a bit unsubstantial tbh. Make sure what you are reporting is true, and report it factually.