AIBU to wonder why people tolerate gossip?

[presumedinnocence]

I know someone who is a very well known business owner in my area, does a lot of very kind/generous things for other people, has a very wide circle of friends/acquaintances and a reputation for being wonderful, kind etc.. That said, they also have a history of falling out with people and never speaking again, usually after a big drama of some sort.

I used to be quite close to this person when our dc's were in the same class at school. Thing is, this person is quietly prone to quite indiscreet, even malicious gossip about people. It just confuses me, given this, that they have been able to build up such a positive reputation. I'm sure they must gossip to others in the way they id to me - does this not bother people? I find it very odd, because I personally make a point of disntancing myself from gossips.

I'm not particularly close to this person, so the issue is almost academic, but I was just wondering if others had experienced similar because this situation has always confused me.

I know someone like this! Very popular, very pleasant and fun...business owner and all that. She loves to gossip but also over-shares...I wonder if she makes people feel a bit special with her confidences.

She tells people things which I would consider very personal....maybe that's why people like her? Because they think SHE likes them?

It’s because people always think they’ll be the exception. They think they’re being taken into a confidence forgetting that if they’re gossiping at you about one person they’ll do the same to you behind your back.
She’ll only get away for it for so long, one day they’ll talk about the wrong person and get their arse handed to them.

I think for some people bitching/gossiping about other people is a bonding tool. It creates an illusion of closeness because you're drawing together against someone else. They conveniently interpret the confidences as a sign of their closeness and ignore the fact that they're likely to be on the receiving end at another time.

Wow, I could have written this.

@hennypenny yes they are also very prone to oversharing, both on FB and in real life

I always wonder about this. If someone gossips to you you can more or less guarantee they gossip about you.

People like to think they have special information. Having special information raises your social status. This is why conspiracy theories are so appealing, too.

The British (see MN as perfect example) also bond a lot by bitching. I come from another culture where bitching is frowned upon at best. It's been enlightening.

She’ll only get away for it for so long, one day they’ll talk about the wrong person and get their arse handed to them

Oops, part of reply went missing.
She’ll only get away for it for so long, one day they’ll talk about the wrong person and get their arse handed to them

This person has had a major personal tragedy recently, so people are very sympathetic. I actually feel guilty starting this thread, even anonymously, because as said, they do a lot of good in the community and have been very kind and generous to less fortunate people.

Most of the gossip seems directed at people they are ostensibly friendly with, they are very two faced. Interesting that other people have encountered this, perhaps it’s a more common dynamic than I thought

This is an interesting read: www.psychologies.co.uk/self/why-we-love-to-gossip.html

Thanks @struggling, that was interesting

I wish it didn't bother so much. I suppose it's because the gossip is so at odds with her benevolent 'persona', it seems to whitewash just how damaging it actually is. Toxic gossip can ruin lives