When you realise someone isn’t who you thought they were

[EmptyChairsEmptyTables]

I was watching GOT and without putting in any spoilers it really struck me when you could see on Jon’s face ‘shit, she’s not who I thought she was’. I know that was an extreme example but I’ve been thinking of times I’ve had the same experience of realising the person you thought a person was and the person they actually are are different.

My most recent example is a man who picked a fight then shut it down and stonewalled me. I didn’t think he was like that but turns out he is. Better than what happened to Jon but still ...

AIBU to ask for your Jon Snow moment?

I’m not sure about what exactly happened with Jon Snow but my similar example is my ex-SIL. I provided her (and my DB) with money, support, presents, babysitting for days on end because she was “going back to college” to get an extra qualification (she already had a MSc in a similar discipline and I thought it was overkill but I didn’t questioned it at the time).
Instead of college she had a full blown affair and was caught by police shagging in the car.

Her and DB divorced and she’s been fighting us in courts ever since. She even sue me for money. I never thought that the devout catholic, church-going woman she was portraying was all a front.

The other way round though.
I know a woman through a group we were in. She seemed stand- offish and could be down right rude. I wasn't a fan at all. Then we were working together on a project and it turned out she was funny, kind and actually a lovely warm person, just a bit shy and awkward.

I’ve just has this. Close family member lashed out verbally over a minor argument. Said awful things and now it’s been swept under the carpet and they’re acting like nothing happened.

But now I’m left with an overwhelming sense of mistrust and as though I don’t really know them. I feel like I never did.

I don’t feel like I can raise it again either as the first overreaction was so nasty and unexpected that raising it might bring it on again.

Ultimately I feel like they showed me who they really were and it’s not the person I’ve known for decades.

They don’t know but the way I feel about them has been changed forever

My ex-H. Don't want to go into it but it totally shook me. I really didn't think he was that type of person. Marriage over.

Yes I had that moment with my siblings. They were bitter and angry over my grandparents will even though they and my grandparents planned it when I was still a child.

I wrote cheques for the difference (less than £500 each) and when they were still angry I realised they were actually just bitter and nasty people and nothing I could do would ever appease them.

Some of the things that were said were unforgivable and showed that where my abusuve father (the reason we lived with grandparents) is concerned by eldest brother hadn’t fallen far from the tree. And the other two siblings have taken after our mother in terms of staying quiet as it’s not aimed at them.

Yep my old boss. I was warned about her when I started but I refused to believe it and thought the sun shined out if her arse. It took me a few years to realise she got her kicks from breaking people and playing staff of against each other. She was lovely to new staff and they could do not wrong them about 2 years in she started making their life’s a misery

My ex, first serious boyfriend. I was sitting listening to him lie to me- literally contradicting what he'd told me earlier in the day (so maybe it was the truth and earlier statement was a lie ) and I remember thinking, " This is what it means when people say 'the scales are falling from her eyes'"

In that moment I realised he wasn't a really lovely guy who occasionally got himself tied in knots telling convoluted stories, he was just rather selfish and immature... He was in his mid 20s so I hope he's grown up since then. I loved him very much at the time!

Yea, my dh this week unfortunately. Eyes wide open and it's very hard to swallow.

I was out for dinner with what i believed was a very open minded colleague, only for her to say (after viewing 2 guys holding hands) 'i don't approve of gay people, they make a choice and don't care if it hurts other people.'

I also had a school mum I thought was lovely but then overheard her once being really really horrible about another school mum and now I see bullying behaviour in her all the time and don't know how I didn't see it before

@Driftingthoughlife we could have the same old boss! I was warned about her too and didn’t believe it until she grabbed me and physically shook me in the office when I stood up to her.