Mother in law making me feel bad she doesn't see dd enough

[Alicia870]

In laws live an hour away from us. They have probably been to visit twice since she was born- she's 7.5 months now. They are, to be fair, busy in that both work and MIL not a confident driver. But there's still no reason they couldn't come visit at other times. My husband (their son) is very busy and works long hours sometimes every day of the week.
I take her up to see them without hubby maybe once every 2-3 weeks. Sometimes it's more, sometimes I just don't get the chance. You know what it's like with a baby with a 2 hour return journey. It's a whole day out- naps need to be planned, need to organise food etc. I don't mind doing it at all, but she has just started making comments like 'we don't see her enough' and it makes me feel guilty.
But I have my own family to visit, I go to play groups most days that have been pre paid, and I have appointments etc a lot of the time. I try my best but I'm feeling bad now that they're insinuating I'm not making enough effort, but they've only come to visit twice since she was born?

Seriously give yourself a shake. They need to see it's easier for them to travel than you lugging half the contents of your house +a baby.
Give them some dates and tell them you are free for them to visit.
Or your whole life will be trying or appease what I call fair weather dgps. Ones who want dgc hand delivered without any effort by them - exactly when it's convenient for them. Stuff that op.

Bloody hell every 2-3 weeks is loads! She does realise its the same distance for them to travel to you! ignore their insinuations or say when are you coming over each time?

Just say "Oh, you know you're always welcome, come over anytime!"

Who do they think they are, making you do that journey with a baby?

Agree just say next time ‘we’ll I’m free next X day you are welcome to come over’ really sweetly. If they ask you to go to them say ‘no that’s not possible but I’d love for you to come here’, what could they say to that?
Also you need to get thicker skin there’ll be a lot of insinuations to come and you have to let it roll off your back.

My mil guilted me for bf because she couldn't!! Remember the baby is actually yours (and dh's!) and she has no right to have any time at all. Suggest dh keeps her up to date with pics and let him keep their texts at bay. I never gave my mobile number to ils!! Left them to dh. His dps after all!!

Your reply is, "ooo yes you are always welcome, let me know dates so I can see what works for us too"

No no you are allowing yourself to feel guilty! What you should say is "Actually Mary I am going to move my visits to once a month, if you visited once a month and dh made the trip once a month then you'd see her much more and it would be fair, at the moment I'm doing all the travelling with a baby. So if everyone takes a turn I'll keep doing my monthly turn, if nobody else will I'll assume nobody else is pushed and do every second month. To be honest there is no point complaining you want to see her more but making no effort"

Call her out on it! You can be polite but firm

Thanks all- honestly was scared checking responses as I thought people were gonna slam me for being inconsiderate!
I think I just need a bit of reassurance that it actually isn't always easy to give up a whole day and Cart her up there and it's just taken for granted that I will. Thank

If its a hour away, can't she get public transport?

They are being very unreasonable and as someone with older children and a similar situation, I suggest you put your foot firmly down now. Practice the word no. You don’t have to go to them. You aren’t a taxi service. If they want to see her then they are more than welcome to come to yours anytime. They can even take her to a group for you but you are flat out with appointments and a full day out of the house isn’t working for you right now. Set boundaries now.

They work, so when do they expect you to visit them? Sod that, if they want to see baby let them come to yours on a weekend if it suits you.

So she expects the baby to travel so she doesn’t have to? How are you getting there? Mine would have been miserable in a car seat for that long and it wouldn’t have been worth it.

Next time she says it just say "I know, you hardly ever visit, do you" and leave it at that

If they want to see her that much they would be asking to come to you. Ignore or say, yes it would be good to see you more often but I havent had a full day free to travel recently, but do let me know if you want to come here and we'll see if we are free.

Tell you dh he's a dad now, it's his parents and he has responsiblity to get involved too, even if it is just inviting his parents over and being around to host them.

If your MIL avoids taking trips in the car, then how does she expect her driving confidence to grow? Does FIL not drive? No way should it be you making the journey every few weeks.

Tell them that the road goes both ways and they are always welcome to visit your house.

Just because she feels that she doesn't see her granddaughter often does not mean that she expects you to do more. I could just mean she's a bit sad at the circumstances of life and everyone being so busy.

Let it wash over you. It's not in dd's best interest to be in a car loads and it'll get harder to travel as she gets older and naps less/has a routine.

If they want to see her, I'd say it's mainly their task to get themselves to you.

Older people often forget the daily stress of having a baby and think it's all buttercups and giggles!