to ask what this womans problem is or just leave it..

[nachotea]

I will try and keep it brief but with relevant info.... A mum, lets call her Jane, at my kids school, is, in my opinion, really rude to me and I have no idea why.

She has 2 children, her children are in the same year groups as my children. They are not within the same friendship groups so little to no contact with each other.

Up until about a year ago we would always smile, say hello, make brief chit chat etc, then...

One day I stood with another Mum, I will call her Sally, in the playground, making small talk. Sally and I are stood next to each other, both facing the school building. Jane comes over to speak to Sally, but pushes in between us and stands with her back to me and has a chat with Sally. It felt awkward, I had to take a couple of steps to my right as she was essentially, leaning on me!! As she was standing sideways.

I let it go and just thought... how weird!

Over the next 6 months, she did the same thing about 6 times, sometimes when I was talking to Sally and sometimes when I was talking to other people.

Then, it was the school fayre, I was on a stall, she walked behind the stall where I was serving, stood in front of me and over her shoulder said "you can go now".

I ignored her and carried on as I was, she was then quite chatty and seemed fine.

A few weeks later, I was talking to someone and she did exactly the same thing again, but I was the one she wanted to talk too, so did the whole sideways squeeze in, back to the other person thing!! She only wanted to talk to me because her child was very rude at an event and she wanted to give me some long winded story about why her child wasn't actually rude. Being polite, I just said "don't worry about it, I didn't even hear anything".

Then this morning, I am having a conversation with Sally and she walks past, puts her arm around Sally's waist says with a head tilt, is everything ok? walks off to go home, stops, looks back and calls Sally to walk with her even though we are mid conversation!! It is so weird.

I probably just need to get a life and forget about it, but it is really starting to annoy me.

At times, I feel like she is trying to intimidate me or bully me in some way, which is why, maybe, I should speak to her about it.

What do you think is going on here?

I wonder if sally has said any thing to her?

Yeah I’d say ‘have I upset you in any way?’ And take it from there

What don’t you ask Sally if she has noticed this behaviour? As she dies it to other people she is not picking on you but it does seem she has some issues with personal space. Sally should stop her from interrupting too.

Asking her her what her problem is presupposes that a) she is aware of what she is doing and b) that she has a reason for doing it.

Even if she knew that she was doing it and had a particular reason she was odd to you, then it's still unlikely that she'll tell you why and, if she did, what are you going to do about it? Nothing, probably.

So, do nothing. Just be a casual observer of her odd behaviour and let it go.

It doesn't sound like it's you it sounds like it's her way. The best thing you can do is change the way you react to her way rather than expecting her to change.

Marmablade Good point, when she essentially barges me, I say nothing and take a few steps sideways and let her crack on. When she called Sally thing morning, I said Sally "you go, I will speak to you later" and walked off.

She sounds like a schoolkid.

I'd mildly call her out. So if she says anything like 'you can go now' smile vaguely and say 'Go? What on earth…?' and carry on talking/serving/whatever.

If she pushes in between you and another person you're talking to, step to where you can carry on the conversation and say lightly 'I'm going to have to move a bit so I can see past you and we can all talk, Jane!'

If she starts talking over your conversation, say 'Oh, hang on while Sally and I just finish talking about x.' and carry on with the original conversation, then include her once it's natural to.

Gosh I wonder if we knjow each other OP?! There's a woman who has done this exact thing to me. I'm not particularly bothered but she's weird and annoying. The standing in front/leaning thing is so odd!
My DC school begins with a C and is rural.
I haven't done anything about it as I'm not that bothered I just avoid her and don't want the drama.

Some people never mature beyond the age of about 14.
There was a mum like that in our school up until last year, now (thankfully) her child has moved on to high school.

They like drama, they like to create drama, and if they take agin you, then you suffer for it. They can take agin you for literally nothing, by the way - maybe you didn't see them one day and they are now mortally offended that you ignored them.

In my case, the woman was offended because I was friends with someone she didn't like. I'd known my friend for FAR longer than I'd know this woman, and had no intention of breaking off our friendship just because this woman had had a fight with her - I wasn't even friends with this woman, we just chatted sometimes at school!

Best thing is to ignore it and carry on as if she wasn't there, I find.

Sadly not, qwertyskirty or we could of done a double barge one day! :)

I’d ask her what her problem is. She may think you’ve done something you haven’t. If she denies she has a problem then you know she’s just ignorant and you can take no notice.

Next time she barges in front of you - start yelling "OW you trod on my foot! OW OW OW - did you see me stood there?!?!" cry if you can :D

If I were Sally I would probably move around to continue my conversation with you, I wouldn't let someone badge in like that.

She gets away with this behaviour as people enable it, yourself included.

If your child butted in like that, would you not say something?

She’s jealous.

Ah you missed your chance, when she was saying about her daughter not being rude you should have just said "It's fine, she clearly didn't lick off a stone", she sounds like a rude cow, you never want yo be her friend anyway so start standing up for yourself

I agree that this sounds like it's the jealous rage going on.

Poor you - all I can say is try to rise above it.

I had a hard time from certain mums at my DC's junior school. A friend once told me that a few of them assumed I was very privileged (far from it) because of my accent and posture!

In these situations, I generally do a bit of soul-searching, to check whether I have done anything that could have upset the other person. If the answer is no, then whatever the problem is it is their problem, and not my responsibility to fix, so I leave them to it and carry on my merry way.

Life is too short to try and make people like you if they've decided for no good reason not to!

I'm not sure asking her what her problem is is necessarily good advice. If she's so rude as to behave like this as a matter of course then you're not going to get through to her anyway. And the fact that she's done this with you against other people, suggests she is.

Either that, or she does have a problem with you personally and you're giving her a great opening for telling you so if you ask. Don't! This is her shit, not yours: don't internalize it and made her bad behaviour your problem. The question 'do you have a problem with me' enables her to shift her issues onto you and make them yours, and it's an opportunity she should on no account be granted.

Make her own her own crap. Don't entertain her interruptions: if she uses you again in this way tell her you'll just finish your conversation with Sally and will catch her before you leave (and FGS, be in a rush to get somewhere else).

It's not about you. It's her.

It's not about you. It's her. Totally agree. If you know you've done nothing, forget it.