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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect DH to show more interest in food?

49 replies

MilkTrayLimeBarrel · 17/05/2019 09:24

I sometimes ask DH what he fancies for dinner - maybe something different or an old favourite - but he never shows any enthusiasm, just saying 'whatever you like' or 'I don't mind'. I usually give him a choice anyway as we don't share the same food likes/dislikes so tend to eat different things, but if I make the effort to want to get him something special, I would like him to actually say what he would like! Maybe I am expecting too much?

OP posts:

Walkingdeadfangirl · 17/05/2019 22:35

YABU, he obviously doesn't care what the food is (plenty of people are like this). Would you prefer he lied just to make you happy?

StrawberrySquash · 17/05/2019 22:41

There are live to eat people and there are eat to live people. I guess he's the latter. But given that you both need to eat and someone has to decide what to eat, deciding is a job that needs doing and YANBU to want him to do his share.

DappledThings · 17/05/2019 22:42

DH does all the cooking in our house and quite often offers me a choice or 2 or 3 things. He gets annoyed when I always say I don't mind so sometimes I make the effort and just pick one but really I don't care at all.

I pretty much like everything and if we don't have one of the choices tonight it will be tomorrow's dinner so it just doesn't matter.

skimask · 17/05/2019 22:50

my partner is the same, is always 'it's up to you' with everything. It drives me batty

Seren85 · 17/05/2019 22:55

DH is a great cook but will eat almost anything so deciding what we're having usually falls to me. I don't mind because I like planning meals and food shopping. I do most of the cooking atm as I'm at home and whilst he says he isn't bothered what I decide to cook, he is appreciative of whatever it is. He also does plenty of cleaning and washing and all that without me needing to do the mental work of what needs doing so it is fine.

Alaimo · 17/05/2019 23:01

DH is the same. However, he knows I do care, so when it's his turn to cook (usually twice a week) he nowadays makes an effort to cook something that's a bit different at least once a week. Had to sit through a lot of plates of pasta though to get to this point!

mollpop · 17/05/2019 23:07

My DP is the same and it really annoys me. I think he had no taste buds! He once put a lettuce in the freezer and genuinely couldn't see why you shouldn't freeze a lettuce

Missingstreetlife · 17/05/2019 23:12

If you are trying to treat him you are choosing the wrong thing.

InspectorClouseauMNdivision · 17/05/2019 23:15

Mine is the same, but eventually he puts in some ideas. He is an amazing chef too.
Once we both had brain dead day and ended up in the circle of
"What do you fancy for dinner?"
"Anything. What do you fancy?"
"I don't know. You got any idea?"
"I don't know either. You come up with something."
"So what do you fancy?"
Repeat 5x and order curry😂

BertrandRussell · 17/05/2019 23:19

You decide what to cook on your nights- he decides on his.

Who am I kidding? 90% of the “I don’t mind” men never set foot in the kitchen, and leave all that work- including the choosing and shopping to the woman.

Featherstep · 17/05/2019 23:31

@Inspector, yes 'What do you want for dinner' must be the most tedious phrase in all partnerships...

90% of the “I don’t mind” men never set foot in the kitchen

I know. I am somewhat relieved (not sure this is the right word at all) that there are so many men out there like my DH. Like many PP I also do 90% or more of the planning, shopping and cooking. I like studying and trying recipes and ideas in general and am a good cook, but the weeknights and the daily grind are doing my head in.

Do you lot get your DHs to try to take at least 1 dinner a week? By that I mean think, shop and cook. At the moment I am struggling to achieve even that but I'm persevering because taking sole charge of 'what's for dinner' 7 days a week really, really pisses me off.

Featherstep · 17/05/2019 23:34

Also before people say 'DH would have to cook/ eat if he's single'

No, mine genuinely would go without, he'd snack on cereal or toast or get a frozen pizza, he's that uninterested in making meals or eating.

DecomposingComposers · 17/05/2019 23:39

Sorry OP but I'm the same as your husband. Food and eating bores me. I do it because I have to, not because I enjoy it. The sooner someone invents a tablet so that I don't have to eat, the better.

BertrandRussell · 17/05/2019 23:40

“No, mine genuinely would go without, he'd snack on cereal or toast or get a frozen pizza, he's that uninterested in making meals or eating”
Fair enough. Let him. Cook for yourself. You are responsible for children having a healthy diet, not another adult.

userxx · 17/05/2019 23:50

I could happily eat beans on toast for the rest of my life.

Walkingdeadfangirl · 18/05/2019 00:24

Easy solution is meal replacement drinks like huel
Takes any hassle out of planing meals. Just one drink every meal, delivered straight to your door.

FadedRed · 18/05/2019 00:30

Tbh most days I’m not bothered. DH is more likely to think ahead. I do cook proper & varied meals for us, as does he, but if I were on my own, i’d be happy to live on eggs, seafood and nut-based cereal.

Singletomingle · 18/05/2019 00:37

I love food however with my ex I always went with the whatever option simply because she never liked anything i suggested. There were times she would simply not eat and times she would just say she didn't fancy my suggestion. However it didnt take long for me to realise we had different tastes and she wouldn't compromise or she was only asking out politeness and already knew what she wanted!

TooStressyTooMessy · 18/05/2019 08:24

I’ve thought about Huel for my lunches as it is often only me to feed and it would be one less meal to eat but reviews seem to say it is horrible. If it was cheaper though I reckon I would at least give it a try. I’d definitely sign up for a tablet to take as a meal replacement. No thinking, cooking or clearing up! Sadly I’d still need to feed the kids properly.

Original poster

MilkTrayLimeBarrel · 18/05/2019 08:43

No kids in the house - just me and him. I think I will just stop asking him for suggestions. He does at least say that he likes everything I cook so I can't complain too much!

OP posts:

makingmammaries · 18/05/2019 08:47

I've never understood what the big deal is about food. Eaten, refuelled, job done. Some of my colleagues come back from the cafeteria after lunch and start going on about what they ate, or about what they had in a restaurant the previous evening. They might as well be discussing their bowel movements as far as I'm concerned.

fessmess · 18/05/2019 09:04

As a live to eat person I find the other side of the spectrum fascinating! I think about my next meal often. It's a hangover from when I used to diet/binge. Not as bad as it used to be but don't think it'll change now I am in my 50s. I am slim but it's a constant battle. Would have always answered "food" to the sex or food question.

I think a partner who says "whatever" is better than the fussy arse who complains. My dh can be a bit of the latter.

DuffBeer · 18/05/2019 09:07

I'm like this. I do love food but don't have strong opinions and am generally happy to eat whatever.

When my mum stays with us she will ask me what we're going to be having for dinner, at breakfast time. That really rubs me up the wrong way!

SimonJT · 18/05/2019 09:09

I’m an eat to live person, I just had a meal rotation, so same meal every monday etc, makes things easier.

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