Sorry more advice about toxic mum needed.

[Tillygetsit]

My db is mentally ill atm and in hospital. Yesterday his dog died and sil asked if I would visit with her to break the news. He often asks about the dog so we thought it would be best to tell him before he asks again. I phoned the ward and explained what I wanted to do and they agreed this was the best way forward and they'd keep an eye on him post visit incase he became very upset. All went as well as expected until he phoned our mum afterwards. She has not spoken to me since a disagreement I previously posted about. At 10.30pm my husband picks up the landline phone to a torrent of abuse from her so loud that it woke my baby. He said nothing to her and put down the phone. I asked exactly what she'd said as all I could hear was shouting. He said that's all he could hear too so no idea. My mobile was on silent so I checked it and db had text to say dm said I was cruel and evil to tell him and he shouldn't see me again. He has to hand his phone in at 10pm so I cant speak to him until tomorrow.
How do I handle this? Was IBU to tell him? My gut-and dh-tell me to ignore mother. Should I?

You did what you thought was best, and the hospital agreed. No doubt db is upset. Anyone would be, but DB had to know, sooner or later. Your DM sounds a tad unreasonable, to put it politely.

No. There's never a perfect response in complicated situations like this. You and SIL did what you thought was best and ensured that your DB was supported by the hospital staff.
Either your mum is off her head with worry or she's off her head with venom. If the former you can maybe cut her some slack. If the latter then definitely just ignore.
Hope your brother starts to recover soon.

I certainly think you were right to tell him, no matter how physically or mentally ill I was I'd want to know if my loved and cared for pet had passed I away. I recently lost my own dog and would have been far more distraught had he news been kept from me.
This gives him time to deal with the death of his dog and he's already in the right place should he feel he needs help with that. Had the new been kept from him until he point he was ready to return home it would've come as a greater shock and potentially led to loss of trust between him and his family (including you and your DM) for hiding it.

If your sil is married to your db, asked you to go with her to tell him about their dog and you ran it all by the ward first, then you were NBU to tell him - in fact I can’t see a way it could have been done better, especially if he is always asking after the dog.

So yes - ignore your mum. Perhaps someone - Your DH? Should have a word with her at some point explaining why and how it was done. Plus you should all be pulling together. Sorry to hear about your db.

You and Sil did absolutely the right thing in regard to the dog’s death. If you had withheld this or lied to your DB about his dog, then how could he have trusted you or Sil in the future, knowing that you had kept this from him? He’d have good reason to wonder if you were keeping things back from him.
You checked with the ward staff, and were honest. You did the right thing.

Thanks. My main concern is db being manipulated into making me the baddie. He may be an intelligent adult but emotionally he's very naive.

Surely far better that he be told while he's in a safe, supervised environment I would've thought. If it had been kept secret until he was discharged the news could then have set him back.
You spoke to the staff and they advised you it was the right thing to do also.
When you speak to DB tell him you didn't want to lie about something important to him.
I've had periods of severe mental illness and I think it would have upset me a lot if I found out my family were keeping things from me

Thank you Mumma and I hope your recovery continues