Is it time to do something with my mums Ashes? (longish read)

[Yellowskies1988]

Hi.. Maybe this should be in the berevment section but probably get more views here...
My mum died suddenly when I was 22 and my sister was 19. She had swine flu, went into an induced coma and died when she came off the breathing apparatus due to a heart attack, she was only 45.

We all lived in the same house at the time and were very close, more so my sister and my mum, they were best friends.
Anyway they had a bit of a falling out a day or 2 before my mum was poorly and I think it eats her up but. I'm 30 now and have 2 kids 7 & 4. My eldest wasn't conceived whilst my mum was alive, he's autistic and I'm having a hard time mentally at the minute with not just him but life in general. My wife has a terminal illness too, which I have know about since we met...

Anyway to the point. I'm really missing my mums support lately and just her in general. Her Ashes are at my sisters house but I would love them to be buried where my great grandparents are, I think my nan wants this too but she hasn't said to me directly. I just want a place to go and feel my mums presence really i know it probably sounds silly but I have started missing her so much and my youngest son occasionally askes if I have a mummy. My sister had no kids and I don't think she plans to so I'm not sure if she would get how I feel.

I'm still battling depression but I'm speaking to the doctor and counselling regular but I'm far from myself. I just want some neutral advice to be honest on how to approach the situation and if anybody can relate in any way.

Thanks for reading

Sorry to hear that. I would speak to my sister first (she may feel the same way or be happy for the ashes to be buried). If she feels strongly against it, what about a different form of memorial e.g. a plaque on a bench/tree in a place you used to visit with your mum?

If the ashes are at your sister's house you really need to speak to her first. I do think that it is for your generation to decide what to do and not your Gma.

@SILVERHAWK I'm sorry but I do as nobody should expect to busy their 45 YO daughter.

OP it must be really hard feeling like you have nowhere you can go and feel your mums presence, I agree with the previous poster who has suggested a plaque or a bench.

Do you talk to your sister much about your mum?

Why are your mum’s ashes at your sisters?

Not wanting to upset anyone but why can’t you spilt them?

Could you ask her for half the ashes?

Yellow That is very true.
Heartbreak all round as it's out of order, as such.

Not spilt ffs. Split.

@URSULAPANDRESS when my sister moved out of the home we lived in she asked if she could take them with her. Think she felt a bit pushed out (although she definitely wasn't) when she decided to move with her ex as we were having a baby.

I haven't really thought about having half as it seems weird to me knowing that half would still be at my sisters... It's something to think about though.

With regards to a bench we don't have a big garden, just a yard at home and wouldn't want it in a public area as people climb on them etc.

Ideally I would like her to be buried/scattered where my nans mum is in the cemetery a few miles away. I really think it would help my own grieving process without sounding selfish if something was done now after so long

I scattered my mums ashes in theee places. My Aunts ashes were beautifully wrapped into 5 parcels and taken by her children to do with as suited them. It’s not that unusual.

You need to do what’s best for you. And your Gran.