My 12 year old is being bullied. I'm seeing the teacher tomorrow, what should I expect?

[AndOutComeTheBoobs]

He's being beaten by this kid on a daily basis. (Year 7).
He punched my son in the stomach so hard today that he was doubled over and couldn't catch his breath.

This kid threatens to beat him up constantly and shares classes with my son.

This kid didn't use to be in my sons classes but was a trouble maker apparently and got switched classes. I've no idea why or for what reason. Ds was fine until then.
He's now very disruptive in a 'if you can't beat em join em' situation.

I spoke to the school on the phone explained about it and asked if my son could switch classes to get away from him.

They said no and now I have an appt with the head of house tomorrow.

My son point blank doesn't want this kid to find out that we are having a meeting about the bullying or he will "kick the shit" out of my son.

I understand what he is saying, that very thing happened to me. 'Grass' on them and they find you after school.

What can I expect from tomorrow?

I feel sick that my son is enduring this.

Are all policies rubbish? Yes

You need the behaviour police and the schools Complaints procedure - worth reading and understanding this policy!!

You ask as PP said about your alcohols being safeguarded in school

Ask if all bullying incidents have been reported to the board of governors (they should be according to the complaints policy)

Put in writing all incidents- they do not have to respond to verbal complaints

Follow up the meeting with an email outline the details

Your only complaint should be ‘DS feels unsafe’ ‘DS tells me X happened on Y date’
DS would like etc etc - do not attract the bully focus on your DS and his wants and needs only - this helps massively

Then tell them in no uncertain terms that the next physical assault will result in the police being called

NOW - please understand the schools hands are tied UNLESS parents make complaints - it adds weight to their case to exclude the child etc - in the long run this will help the bully receive the help he needs to function

Have a look at
bullying.co.uk
(Sorry don’t know how to do clicky link) . In their “Advice” section there is lots of information and advice including what to do if the school doesn’t resolve the problem and about moving schools. It might help.

I totally agree with mentioning police. Some schools are useless at dealing with bullying. Your child needs to feel safe and protected at school, they have a Duty of Care, ask them what is being done. Tell them you want to know what is being put in place to keep your son safe and email the headteacher with every single detail/ incident. The headteacher tends to hold more power and can pressure staff to act. Good luck.

Tell them you want to know what is being put in place to keep your son safe

I asked this many times last time and the school refused to tell me.
I found out from my son that the school suspended the child.

DS seems to think that he should get into a fight with the child and let it all come out then. The reasons, the past etc.

At least then the teachers find out and it isn't my son 'grassing' on him.

I really don't want that to happen but I do understand why my son prefers this method!

Go prepared: write a list of each incident (when/where/who)

If your or ds have reported any incidents recently, asked if they were investigated and what was the outcome?
Ask if the parents of the other kids have been informed?

Are the incidents happening in lessons or at break/lunch or to/from school?

Ask what is the process for reporting bullying/incidents (ie. who should he go to, or do they have an email system that kids report via)

I wouldn't bother threatening the police. If you feel an incident is serious enough just report it to the police. We certainly wouldn't respond to this as a threat - if we feel it's necessary then we would welcome the police being involved if it had an impact.

Be prepared for there to not always be a conclusive outcome. If something is one word against another and there are no witnesses that corroborate his account or cctv. The school should still be talking to the other students and their parents if involved. But what can be done to make it safer for your ds, that's what you need to ask.

What have the school actually said in the past? Have the accepted your ds has been assaulted?

Also - if he is worried about being called a grass, ask how they can manage this? We often say another adult or student has witnessed an incident. Kids always believe this. Or that we saw it on cctv whilst looking for something else. Takes the blame off the victim. Used it just today!

Have the accepted your ds has been assaulted?

No they were very accusatory.
Yet the kid who punched DS got suspended and nothing happened to my DS (apart from a very bruised face).

So they handled it very very badly indeed.

I would speak to the school and ask them what they are doing to stop the assaults and explain that I do not expect it to happen ever again. I would then tell my son to tell me if it ever does happen again. If it does, I would go to the police, since the school have clearly been unable to deal with it.

I understand my child would say don't go to the police, but sometimes the adult knows best.

We often say another adult or student has witnessed an incident. Kids always believe this

I did half mention that to DS but he was still worried this kid would "kick the living shit" out of him.

I only touched on it though so I will mention that again.

Definitely mention it again, it does work.

And in response to the PP who says schools are scared of press and police. Schools are not scared of police. Police will do very little unless it is serious. If it is serious the school will appreciate the extra level of intervention. Police don't tell schools off or get them into trouble... but press - schools will want to avoid this. And Ofsted - if you really feel it has been dealt with badly and your child is not being safeguarded effectively, you can write to ofsted. But please only use this if you really, really feel it is necessary as it creates days and days of work for senior staff who are taken away from the day to day running of the school and has a wider impact. Obvious if it's needed, then do it.

No they were very accusatory.
In what sense, did ds also do something? (Or do they allege he did?)

I think each incident is judged on its own merits. Sometimes both kids had a part to play but one initiated the physical or one caused more damage or have a history, and so will get a harsher punishment, but the school would be wrong to not address what both kids did wrong (otherwise things don't improve). Not saying that is what has happened here, just trying to understand as then we can better advise.

ASavignonDay (I'm actually drinking Savignon as well speak, I need it). It was a person telling me that DS must have done something to cause the situation.

Ds (sat there with a swollen face) fiercely denied having done anything.
The kid doing the punching had been in previous trouble a lot of times but DS hadn't (although we are only two weeks into secondary school so I'm referring to
Primary with ds but the kid already being in trouble at secondary). When I started to get frustrated with her empty accusations of nothing, I told her she wasn't being very professional.
She said "I could say the same to you!"

I've still no idea what she meant by this and made a complain to the HT.

My son had just been punched repeatedly in the face and instead of sympathy, understanding and a plan - we got treated like shit despite the kid being known as a trouble maker.

Oh I remember now, the punched called a kid a prick.

DS, said "why did you call him that?"

And the teacher said this is what instigated the fight therefore he is at least partly responsible.

I was not happy.

(Witnesses agreed to DS version but that happened sometime later after they gathered evidence)

How awful for you both.
Is there any possibility of you bringing someone with you to the meeting, to be a witness and to take notes.

Having a witness to what is said and anything that is promised is helpful.

Writing to the school afterwards fully documenting the meeting and any strategies that have been agreed is very helpful and creates a paper trail.
Good luck.

My son had just been punched repeatedly in the face and instead of sympathy, understanding and a plan - we got treated like shit despite the kid being known as a trouble maker.
Yeah that is 100% not ok. I understand them wanting to fully understand the situation, but that's not how to go about it.

Ps. Bloody love a Sauvignon ❤️ enjoy!

Ok we have a plan thanks to this thread, one that DS is happy to implement.

Thanks so much for your help.

Hopefully the future is better

My dd1 moved school in y11 as she wanted to study drama and other school didn t do it.
In feb this year she was assaulted in new school by a girl who tugged her hair pulled her to the ground and kicked shit out of her it was also videoed by her friend and posted on social media.
I got a call from the school to collect my dd that she was in an incident i wasnt told anything further so i was at work rang my dh to collect her when i came home and she showed it to me on social media i was livid at the attack. It happened on a thur and i didnt get to meet with school to the monday I had prepared alll the policies i was going to question but i crumbled and burst into tears and principal had no sympathy and she has never contacted me since which i find terrible the girl got suspened for 2 weeks and got back in but i had to get her moved classes so only has form class with her now and she started yest giving my dd dirty looks again. School where no help.

mcmen this is exactly how this school handled my sons assault.

It's bloody awful.

IME (so probably biased)
School will cover up, lie, minimise.
I would report to the police asap - year 7 is above the age of criminal responsibility.
Start looking into changing schools.
Google Kidscape.
Document everything.
Take notes of everything said in the meeting.

Photograph all injuries and ask GP to record in medical records.

Thank you.
I have a diary of stuff that has happened, and another kid is reporting the bully today as well so this helps a lot.

What the hell!! The way your son was treated by the teacher after he was assaulted was appalling! He's partly responsible for being assaulted because he asked why the bully called someone a prick?
Has your ds said why he doesn't want to move schools as living in fear that the boy will "kick the living shit"out of him sounds like hell.
Could you persuade him to look round a different school with no obligation to move?

You really should report it to the police regardless, the bully has committed assault, it's not just bullying. Even if the police are just able to go to the perpetrator's house 'for a word' it demonstrates how serious the situation is, rather than the school just treating it as a minor issue.