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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I am not a good wife

41 replies

3in4years · 16/05/2019 17:14

I've just realised that I am a shit wife. I almost never cook, and we almost never dtd.
I go around thinking I'm ace because I work part time and keep 3 little kids alive and loved, get them to school etc on time, take them out a lot, keep the house cleanish and tidyish, stay in touch with friends and support family, do exercise...
But I am a rubbish wife. Must try harder! Anyone else really rubbish at one area of life? Prepared to be told off!

OP posts:
Orangecake123 · 16/05/2019 17:15

OP you're doing you're best.That's all that matters.

Orangecake123 · 16/05/2019 17:15

*what

Bunnica15 · 16/05/2019 17:16

You don’t sound rubbish to me!

The80sweregreat · 16/05/2019 17:19

Your doing well.
I hate cooking and been married for nearly 30 years. Dh is a better cook than me and I just cook easy to do stuff.
Looking after small children is time consuming!
Has he said anything about it?

YourSarcasmIsDripping · 16/05/2019 17:19

Do you want to be a good wife?
Is your husband complaining?
Do you want to change things for yourself or because of some arbitrary idea of what a "good wife " is?

For the record,I don't cool for OH and sex ,while great,it's pretty rare. I'm still an awesome partner.

Original poster
3in4years · 16/05/2019 17:26

Thank you. My dh thinks I am great and never complains. But he would love more sex!

OP posts:
Namastbae · 16/05/2019 17:33

It sounds like your measure of a "good wife" is someone who provides food and sex for their husband which, to be honest, seems very outdated!

To me, being a good partner is about being a part of a team. So finances, childcare, housework, down time, sex -it's equal, mutual and shared.

Sometimes I'm a great partner, sometimes a rubbish one -same for DH. No one is perfect all the time.

Gth1234 · 16/05/2019 17:50

All men (well most) complain they don't get enough. (sex). You sound OK to me. More importantly, your DH seems to agree. Who said you weren't; doing enough?

KatyaZamolodchikova · 16/05/2019 17:53

I am a terrible wife, I forgot DH’s birthday this year. We had only been married 4 days.

You need to put less pressure on yourself, sounds like DH thinks you’re a pretty ace wife.

Original poster
3in4years · 16/05/2019 18:02

Yes, very outdated view but only just occurred to me that some might judge me as a useless wife. No-one says I'm not doing enough. I am doing all I can to be honest, I am shattered! But it is definitely dh who comes last.

OP posts:
CherryPavlova · 16/05/2019 18:04

My view is very outmoded; the role of a good wife is to be adored by her husband. Anything else is his bonus.

femidom12 · 16/05/2019 18:07

Yes you need to go back to wife school lol

WorraLiberty · 16/05/2019 18:08

Weird thread Confused

Do you normally need this level of reassurance OP?

70sWitch · 16/05/2019 18:12

Are you on the wind up?
Wife = sex and cooking?

Er.... I'm the worst wife ever then. Confused

Oneofthosedreadfulparents · 16/05/2019 18:17

Read your OP, went away and came back to see that what I was going to say had already been written. So in essence- I’m a great cook, half decent mum, shite housekeeper, and my DIY skills aren’t up to much. But as a partner, I’m supportive, I care how he feels, I invest in our future together and he does the same. Just worry about the important stuff, the rest is a distraction.

YourSarcasmIsDripping · 16/05/2019 18:17

The onlyone that can complain (not judge) is your husband. No one else has the right to do so. My mum is horrified at how "neglected" OH is,he doesn't give a shit.Grin

HollowTalk · 16/05/2019 18:20

If you're working part-time, why do you hardly ever cook?

You seem to be making fun of this but I would be pretty pissed off if I was your husband, especially as you seem to be very smug.

Original poster
3in4years · 16/05/2019 18:30

Yes HollowTalk, as I said, dh comes last. It's not great. So although I realise it's very outdated, and not the important parts of a partnership, what started as lighthearted has made me realise I am actually being a bit shit to him.
I don't need much reassurance. I am fairly confident in most areas and don't care what people think.

OP posts:
honeylulu · 16/05/2019 18:32

OP doesn't say if she works full time or part time tbh. I'm surprised at "almost never" cooking. Does the DH do it all? 3 kids need feeding!

Rtmhwales · 16/05/2019 18:37

OP said she works part time.

I wouldn't say you're a bad wife but I'd say your marriage needs work. Is it possible to get your sex life on track? Go on more dates? I wouldn't worry so much about the cooking, but if my DH was putting me last on the list of priorities I'd feel pretty shit and wonder about the state of my marriage.

OkMaybeNot · 16/05/2019 18:40

Sex and cooking does not a 'good' wife make. Are you happy? Is he? are you both being good to one another?

honeylulu · 16/05/2019 18:47

OP said she works part time.
Sorry, so she did!

So who does the children's meals??? I still want to know.

Coolegary1 · 16/05/2019 19:10

Op, I doubt your a bad wife at all but I do think this sort of revelation you've had is healthy in that it might give you a motivation to change something that will benefit BOTH of you.
1 night a week with an early night, no tech stuff and a bit of time with your dh (even without sex) really can pull ye together.
Reminds me that I must try this myself 😂
As for cooking, pick meals that are easy, pasta and rice dishes, buy pre cut veggies to save on time. Get your kids on board even if it's only pretend (washing veggies and stirring the sauce in etc).
You never know you might actually like it.

Original poster
3in4years · 16/05/2019 19:45

Thanks for people bothing to respond. Anyone wondering, I work 3 days a week, on the other 2 days I have the two youngest children with me. I do all the cooking for the kids (they are all small) but very little meal prep for nice meals for us.

OP posts:
Dieu · 16/05/2019 19:46

'Almost never doing the deed' is generally the death knell to most relationships.

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