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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About family visit

26 replies

user87382294757 · 16/05/2019 16:50

My brother has asked for his family (2 adults and 2 DC) to stay for a weekend. They have asked in the past and I mentioned space and they stayed nearby. We don't have much room. We have 2 older DC ourselves and it will be a squash! Would you agree to this and go out maybe? We have no garden. The thought is already making me anxious. DH says it will be OK.

OP posts:
Bookworm4 · 16/05/2019 16:52

Do you have 2 spare rooms? Is DH going to be there 24/7 since he thinks it's fine? Stand your ground and say no, are these people just looking for a free holiday? Who invited them?

Original poster
user87382294757 · 16/05/2019 16:56

No-one invited them, no, we only have one spare room and that is due to my DC sharing a room, so it means giving up our main bedroom for them and their DC...I guess. Maybe a night or two will be OK.

OP posts:
Summerorjustmaybe · 16/05/2019 16:58

Do you have a 'welcome' sign tied around your neck op? Send them a link to nearby Air B&B. No one should be effectively giving their home to a bloody uninvited 'guest +family' imo..

cstaff · 16/05/2019 16:59

If they have been in your house and know that you have no spare rooms they really are being cheeky fuckers. It is cheeky enough to ask if you do have spare rooms but if you dont that is ridiculous carry on. Send them a B&B link or airbnb.

BlueSkiesLies · 16/05/2019 17:01

You have one spare room - they can all bunk in there? Or kids go in there and your brother and wife sleep downstairs?

They can stay but you don’t have to give up your bedroom?

Why do they want to stay? For the kids to hang out? To see you? You must get on surely for them to ask and want to see them?

CuriousaboutSamphire · 16/05/2019 17:01

Easy reply:

"We haven't built another room since the last time you asked. Get a hotel room!"

Gatehouse77 · 16/05/2019 17:03

The only people who get a room 'give' up for them are PIL and that's due to age and needing a decent bed.

Anyone else has to manage around us and I wouldn't be giving up my room! Sofas, floors, airbeds, etc will have to do. If they don't like that they're welcome to find an alternative.

I would suggest you say you've one room and one living room and they choose who sleeps where for their own family.

AuntMarch · 16/05/2019 17:07

Depends. Are they coming specifically to spend time with you, or is a convenient bed for the night for something else they want to do?

Original poster
user87382294757 · 16/05/2019 17:09

I don't really understand why they are asking as they asked previously and I said about space and they got an air bnb... no the spare room is small. Previously, they had our room so expect they are thinking of doing that again.

OP posts:
Hadalifeonce · 16/05/2019 17:12

I wouldn't give up my bedroom for anyone.
If you are happy that they visit, suggest the same arrangements as last time, i.e. Air BnB

Drum2018 · 16/05/2019 17:13

Do not give up your own bedroom for anyone. That is ridiculous. Tell them they will need to bring an air bed and explain that they'll have to use the living room - for all of them. If that doesn't suit their agenda then let them off to a B&B. If you didn't have space last time do they think you built a bloody extension since? Seriously I'd be sending a list of local b&b's.

Nquartz · 16/05/2019 17:17

@CuriousaboutSamphire

Has the perfect response. No one should feel anxious about guests.

TixieLix · 16/05/2019 17:17

I wouldn't have the nerve to ask my DB and his wife to give up their room to accommodate me and my two DCs, what a cheek! Does the spare room have enough beds to accommodate him, his wife and 2 DCs? If yes, let them squeeze in there. If not, just tell him they'll have to get an AirBnB again as the spare room is too small to accommodate them. Don't even offer to give up your own room.

UnicornDaisy · 16/05/2019 17:18

Are they visiting to see and spend time with you and your family? If so, I would cope for the sake of a weekend so that I could have some family time.

If they are wanting to stay to do their own thing, attend an event not organised by you, visit someone else etc then I would let them know it's not convenient and you simply do not have the space to host them.

starfishmummy · 16/05/2019 17:19

I agree with others. Don't give up your room.

Original poster
user87382294757 · 16/05/2019 17:20

Yes they are just coming to see us and also quite a way.

OP posts:
UnicornDaisy · 16/05/2019 17:24

@user87382294757 If you can I would tolerate it but only if you think you can. It's not worth you being anxious and stressed out. But maybe ask to shorten the trip or plan lots of things away from your home so you are not all on top of each other. I guess I'm just seeing it from the point of view that your brother is making the effort to come a long way to see you and it might come across that you don't want to see him.

Original poster
user87382294757 · 16/05/2019 17:27

Yes I know, I have sent a nice message saying we don't have much room but if they are Ok with a spare room and it being a bit small that is ok or maybe they would prefer an air bnb - it is up to them, and maybe we can all go camping or something if the weather is nice. so, hoping that sounds ok!

OP posts:
AuntMarch · 16/05/2019 17:35

Camping is a great solution!

UnicornDaisy · 16/05/2019 17:37

@user87382294757 Sounds perfect! I'm sure it'll all work out just fine. Good luck with it Thanks

Original poster
user87382294757 · 16/05/2019 17:48

Thanks.

OP posts:
Bwekfusth · 16/05/2019 17:58

I have my OHs sister and family coming for 3 nights at the end of this month, we have one spare box room but their kids will share that and the adults will crash on an air bed in the dining room. Don't see them a lot and it's only 3 nights. Having said that it does stress me out, ever so slightly

Bookworm4 · 16/05/2019 18:15

So they just invited themselves? How fuckin cheeky and presumptive!
Do you live somewhere holidayish?

Original poster
user87382294757 · 19/05/2019 12:59

Yes we do live in a place many people chose to visit for their holidays

OP posts:
BiddyPop · 19/05/2019 16:04

No you don’t give up your own room.

1 spare room so all luggage goes in there.

Depending on age of DCs, 1 on floor in spare room and 1 on floor of your DCs room on blow up mattresses/ camp beds etc. And DB/DSIL in beds in spare room.

If that’s not possible, DB needs to understand that he and DSIL will be on camp bed in sitting room, cannot force you to bed, and must be up early with others in the morning - no laying on so you lose much needed communal space.

Or hotel.