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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that if ExH "never wanted kids", he should perhaps have told me this at some point...

5 replies

AnalyseThis · 16/05/2019 12:53

Had a curveball while talking to exH's sister. (DD has more of a relationship with his wider family than with him and we're on good terms.)

She suddenly dropped into conversation that exH had told her recently that he had never wanted kids. (DD, aged 9, was sitting at the table listening and her aunt quickly backtracked with all "but of course as soon as you were here he was glad etc..." That's a subject for a whole other AIBU post.)

My eyebrows hit the ceiling and I told ex-SIL that he never mentioned this to me and we had been in complete agreement on the subject of children as far as I knew. If we hadn't been, I certainly would not have married him in the first place.

We discussed children before and during our marriage, agreeing that we
both wanted children once we hit our thirties. I used to chart my cycles and we had lots of very detailed conversations about contraception over the years. The week DD must have been conceived, I even remember saying explicitly to exH that it was possible, although not likely, that I could get pregnant that month if we dtd without using contraception...

I imagine that ex-H said he never wanted kids as an excuse to his sister for why he pays no maintenance, does no childcare and has very sporadic contact. I'm long past anger and into cold contempt on this score.

If it's actually true, I think I would be angrier than I've been with him for years.

OP posts:
WoahMySocksAreOnFire · 16/05/2019 13:34

What a twat.
Even if he was telling the truth and every discussion that took place hadn’t, to say you never wanted kids when you now have one is a cunty thing to do

WoahMySocksAreOnFire · 16/05/2019 13:35

... but I’m guessing this why he’s your ex 😂

ReanimatedSGB · 16/05/2019 13:36

It's an excuse for why he's a shit father. Did you, by any chance, kick him out for being useless, lazy and selfish, or was he even worse than that?

Haworthia · 16/05/2019 13:39

First of all, your SIL is an absolute idiot for saying that in front of your DD. She’s old enough to fully take on board what was said and remember it forever, especially since her father isn’t really in her life now.

It does sound like your ex has rewritten history to excuse being a shit father.

AnalyseThis · 16/05/2019 18:31

Yes, those are all reasons why he's my ex, and factors that appeared on the divorce form. (That and the drinking, spending my money on drink and rubbish, lying unconvincingly to me for years about both the drinking and spending. Etc... Etc...)

It is a horrible thing for anyone with a child to say.

OP posts:
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