UpsydaisyandIgglePiggleareatit ·
16/05/2019 12:30
I think his mother may not want me to?
Background... it’s probably going to be long, sorry!
Parents split when I was 3... Dad kept in touch for a year then buggered off. Got back in contact when I was 11 (turned out his current partner and him were having problems and he’d heard my Mum was single again)
Started a relationship with my Dad and he shortly got back together with my stepmum as they had a little boy together. According to Dad she hated that I existed because he hadn’t told her about me and it was my Nan (who my mum and I were still very close to) that told her. Nan was also who told me I had a brother when I 10... I say told me... we were sat with her friends on their boat and she said she had 4 grandchildren. I knew of me and my two cousins.. so I asked if my auntie had another baby. No... ok my my uncles had one. No... ok my other auntie must have.. No. oh right my dads had another baby. She was absolutely mortified and really hadn’t meant for me to find out that way...
Anyway.. I saw my dad on my own for a bit and then I was allowed to go stay with him and his family. His wife was never anything but lovely to me. We would have really long chats about loads of stuff and I absolutely adored my little brother. I went to stay with them fairly regularly but they started having problems and split up. My dad moved closer to me but then eventually went back and they had a DD together and then split again. I then visited, with DF twice.. once when Dsis was a baby and again when she was 4 and DB was 7. That’s the last time I saw them face to face. Dad then emigrated and we Skyped with them but he soon lost interest and didn’t see or speak to them (or me much)
Fast forward lots of years... I’m living near them. My DH was friends with dad and step mum... so he knows her. I really want to make contact and just see if they are interested in getting to know me. When he was 7 my brother could remember most of the other times I’d been to stay.. So we contact exStepmum and she is all lovely and happy, shows me photos of DB and Dsis and we arrange a time to meet up. Go for coffee and she shows me more photos, asks if I’m still in contact with DF and I say I’m not, he’s always been pretty useless as a Dad and he can never be bothered so I decided to go NC as it was just too hurtful. She said good because she doesn’t want him in her life or the kids (who are 19 and 15 at this point) DF was abusive to her, she had to have an alarm put in by police if he showed up... things which I wasn’t fully aware of. She said she would love for me to get to know the kids again but right now they are both going through exams and she didn’t want anything to distract from that. Which I was perfectly ok with. She said she would ask them if they would be up for meeting me again. I went away feeling really excited and happy. Sent her a message saying thank you for meeting me and it was really good to see her and I hoped I could see them in a few months. Heard nothing back, ever again.
My brother is now 21 and I’ve found him on Facebook. I’d really love to message him but I’m scared he doesn’t actually want to know and both he and my sister told their mum they weren’t interested.
The reason I worry it’s their mum that doesn’t be want me to talk to them is because lots of people have said she is very two faced, she’s told people my dad is dead, my Nan has said she was extremely funny about me as child... even my DH has said she is a bit odd... but she was always so nice to me so I don’t really know what to think. Apparently when my dad put my baby sister on my lap for me to hold her and she went nuts at him afterwards... but during the same trip she asked me to watch her for a minute whilst she went to find DF and DB.
It’s all very confusing. I would have dealt with it if she had told me they didn’t want to see me but she just disappeared. My sister is 17 now but I can’t find her on SM.
I know my brother is now an adult and can make his own decisions but I think I’m pretty worried that he doesn’t want to know. I am a stranger to them really. What would anyone else do in this situation?