DP doesn't want anymore children. I'm not sure if I do or not.

[Giraffesarecool]

So after a horrible pregnancy and birth I was adamant we were just having the one. After a few drinks sometimes we'd be watching a film and I'll see siblings and I'd say awww we should have another. Jokingly. I've always said I wanted a big family, and come from one myself. DP from a tiny family and next to no relationship with only sibling. I've also said after DC1 that I would love another child just not the whole pregnancy birth thing, but still adamant I couldn't do it again.

Cue everyone seemingly going on to have their second and I'm starting to feel like I might want another. DP has DSS as well as DC1.

I said the other night, after visiting a friend's baby, that I feel that if we do want another that now would be the time due to not wanting to get a few years down the line and DC1 start school then having to start all over again in terms of SAHP.

DP seemed terrified, went into complete stress mode and basically said if it's something I really want then I need to have a good think and then he does too as he doesn't really want another but if it's going to cause resentment then he would do it.

That to me says he would do it but he doesn't want to. And we can't bring a child into the world in that way. The early months are so hard and I don't feel we'd cope well if DP hadn't really wanted another.

There's an age gap, 16 years. So whilst I have almost 20 childbearing years ahead of me, DP is approaching an age where I feel there'd be increased risk of problems. I'd also like us to be able to have a good few years together when DC have left home to enjoy ourselves together.

I feel unreasonably upset by this, as I'm not even sure I do want one. Life is good and happy, so why upset the apple cart? But I can't help thinking in a few years am I really going to regret not having another? Will I resent DP? I feel a bit as though he's got two, it's unfair. I feel a bit angry. But I also think I know that another isn't going to happen, and that's it for me now. I should be happy with my gorgeous lot and crack on enjoying what we have.

AIBU to feel like this? To feel upset that the possibility of another has gone?

You and DP have each replaced yourselves on the planet with one human. Save the planet, leave it that way.

Does that help?

@Giraffesarecool

If you do decide that you don't desperately want another child, but kind of might I found thinking of my current child as a good way to accept the situation.

Would I want to put the whole family through another traumatic birth which made those early days so much harder? We have more money with just one and we are able to fill our days with more activities just for DC.

Also other posters suggesting you leave your DH to get another child is dreadful advice. What about the life of your existing child? It is truly saying they weren't enough. I know someone who has done this and take a very dim view of them. Your DH anyway sounds like his main priority is keeping the family together.

It really is a tough one. I was in a similar situation but I was your DP. I didn’t want another child, DP did. After a few years it was beginning to cause tension in the relationship, he kept going on and in the end I caved and we had dd2. I won’t lie the first few months were incredibly tough but now (along with dd1 of course) she is the absolute joy in my life and I couldn’t possibly imagine our family without her and is absolutely adored by her big sister.

I hope things work out for you both