transgender

[Deliegg]

Please can someone recommend a psychoanalyst/psychologist who can diagnose my 16 year old daughter's source of low self-esteem. She has self-diagnosed her problem as gender dysphoria. But, she fits all the criteria for someone who has friends who have decided the same thing and has also affirmed her diagnosis with conversations and information found on the internet. She is unhappy, she does have poor body image but surely there are other reasons for this other than gender dysphoria. Recently she saw a group of attractive SLIM teenage girls and said 'why can't I be skinny like that?' If she had GD why would she want to look like that? Despite this the therapist she has seen at CAMHS has encouraged her self-diagnosis and has made no other effort to analyse her problems. Where can I get help?

I'm so sorry your DD is going through this, sounds like she's got a lot to grapple with right now. I don't have any suggestions for a psychoanalyst but it sounds to me like you've recognised yourself what's going on here - she has other sources of distress and poor body image but has latched on to this idea of gender dysphoria having heard about it from friends and information on the internet and social media. This is exactly what so many of us have been worrying about - that the "affirmation" model of professionals means that the first mention that a child thinks they may be gender dysphoric suddenly cuts off efforts to help analyse and identify other issues that are going on as well.

The Transgender Trend website has some resources for parents dealing with this: www.transgendertrend.com/resources-for-parents/

Also consider posting on the LGBT teens board here, or having a read through the (many many) similar threads from parents of girls going through a similar thing: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/lgbt_children

But the main thing that the resources advise (including the Tavistock clinicians) is watchful waiting, don't do anything permanent, the vast majority of cases of gender dysphoria resolve after a child goes through puberty and makes peace with the huge changes their bodies are going through. Don't let your child drop out of real-world friendships and activities in favour of the mirror world of social media (which massively affects young girls' body image, of course).

for your DD and for you OP x

Thank you for your support. I have looked at the Transgender Trend website and have been in touch with them. As parents we initially decided on the 'watch and wait' approach but DD starts at a new school in September to study her 'A'levels. It is a co-educational boarding school and is superb opportunity for her and we have received a bursary to fund her place. However they do not have a gender neutral uniform. I want to help her come to the correct conclusion about her gender and don't want her to be miserable. She is desperate to go to this school and says she will 'pretend' to be a girl IF she's allowed to wear a chest binder. I don't know where to turn for help.

What a great opportunity for your DD, and great that she's desperate to go. I guess the only thing I can think of is some kind of compromise with a sports bra or something that is safer than a chest binder or bandages? Would she consider that as an option?

I remember so well being completely mortified about the size of my chest at that age and wearing a bra with a sports bra on top plus a massive baggy sweatshirt to hide my figure.