To be so scared about perineorrhaphy

[MrsFrankCastle]

I am waiting surgery for perineorrhaphy after a traumatic labour. I will also potentially need further surgery down the line for bladder and bowel prolapse.

The ball is rolling now, I have an appointment in a couple of weeks for pre operation assessment and now I'm extremely anxious and nervous.

For a bit of background, I suffered terrible sexual abuse as a child and a few years ago had a breakdown when going through the court process and needed a lot of time off work. After getting a conviction and a very good outcome of a 20 year sentence, I went into therapy and have come out fantastically the other side.

The surgeon has insisted I go back into therapy, that all the surgery may be triggering. I can understand why, but I dont feel like I am in that place anymore.

Am I being naive? AIBU to ask for anyones experience of this surgery and how they managed after with pain etc, is it a traumatic recovery?

TIA

Anyone?

Sorry no experience of this but just bumping your thread for you, hopefully someone more helpful will be along soon. So sorry you're dealing with this OP and hope the surgery goes well x

So sorry you’ve been through all of this. You’ve done incredibly well so far - I have no wisdom to offer and hope someone will be able to advise you very soon.

Just posted to bump really, and to offer you some

How can the surgeon insist? Do you mean they have had made it a condition of operating on you?

It can be hard to know what is triggering in advance but if you feel like therapy would not be helpful, you should not have to put yourself through it. It's no picnic, as you know!

I have no experience of that sort of surgery.
But I do understand why the surgeon is strongly advising you to have some counselling again. I think she/he sees a patient who is really anxious. And someone who has had a really good experience of counselling so someone who could be well supported by that sort of treatment.

Can I ask what is making you anxious? Is the surgery itself, the idea of needing multiple surgeries or where the surgery will be done?
It can be hard to differentiate where the anxiety is coming from sometimes.

You do mention being terribly anxious and nervous. Would there be any downside to seeing a therapist?

I would say take the therapy if it’s being offered to you especially on the nhs. This isn’t necessarily about going over your past trauma. You say yourself that you’re scared so you can discuss that in a safe space.

Just to give you my example. I was petrified of giving birth and dh and I decided to get an independent midwife to help me through this. The reason I was petrified was things my mother had said to me as a child. Now there was a lot of other stuff from my childhood that I didn’t discuss with her as the therapy and assistance I had from her was specifically centred around my fears and needs during a specific moment in time.

Perhaps treat this therapy in the same way and see what comes up. 😊

Oh and to add the community midwife suggested paying for an independent midwife.

If you’re anxious and you have background factors and you’re being offered counselling to support you? RUN AT IT. Counselling is never a waste, in my opinion.

Good luck xx

I would actually be heartened that the surgeon is taking this care and trouble to make sure you're ok. You hear so many crap stories of women's histories of abuse being totally disregarded. It certainly happened to me!
That being said, they surely cannot refuse necessary surgery if you don't take the counselling?
You know best what you need. It does occur to me that counselling AFTER the event may be needed.
Whatever you decide, I wish you all the best. Sounds like you've really been through the wars

I'm sure you will know if and when you need psychological help.
Therapy is often more helpful after an event. It can be triggering and interfere with natural processing. Supportive counselling may be more useful short term, even the dreaded cbt. Make sure it's someone sympathetic and knowledgable about your issues. Exception would be a therapist or counsellor you know and trust. Emdr is supposed to be helpful for ptsd and processing difficult events.
My friend had elective c section (obvs no picnic either) because of csa. They were v sympathetic to her anxiety about vaginal birth

The surgery itself I think I have a healthy level of nervousness about. I think most people are nervous about surgery, so in that sense I think I'm not abnormal.

I'm worried about how much emphasis has been put on the therapy, which the surgeon has written is 'mandatory'. It is as though I'm destined to suffer with issues with my mental health as a consequence of the surgery Iyswim. Which then makes me question am I being naive? Is the surgery horrendous, is the recovery going to long and drawn out. As though I'm missing something. I hope this is making sense.

I'm only 29, and unable to have sex, and it has led to the breakdown of my relationship with the father of my little one. So for me having the surgery is very important, I just want to make sure theres nothing massive I'm missing in regards to the surgery. The surgeon has been very understanding, in fact shes one of the best doctors I've come across, just the emphasis on therapy is something I wasnt expecting.

A few pp have mentioned if there is a downside to having therapy, and the answer is kind of. I had to take time off work as therapy really floored me emotionally, I was on antidepressants, and it was one of the most difficult processes ive ever experienced. Dont get me wrong, it has an amazing impact on my life. I am like a different person, happy, settled, suffer with PTSD symptoms very very rarely anymore, have a wonderful daughter, but I dont want to open doors that I dont feel need to opening any more

Xpost w mummy! Will get flamed but would also see a homeopath in preparation and to help healing, physical and emotional.
Good luck op, sorry you are having this difficult time. Hope you enjoy baby, best wishes for your surgery and recovery.

I had this! Three years ago. And posterior repair at the same time. I can honestly say it was fine - the recovery want bad at all. I did have some bad bruising that looked worse than it felt.

And my goodness the result was worth it - everything is so so much better in that area. It changed my life after a decade of problems since childbirth.

Have had therapy and it was also for me very difficult but ultimately massively helpful. Not sure if I can help, but I do understand your dilemma on this.

Good luck with it all.

If mandatory that is quite abusive, even in prison you have to be ready, and the right person would be vital, not just anybold person on (or contracted thru) Nhs. Also may be waiting list. Suggest assessment will be neccessary, now or afterwards, since who can know? Perhaps get on a list for that and see how yow feel later. Is your gp on side? Medication may be helpful again, or not. Surgeon quite arrogant, good to discuss issues but forced therapy is not a thing

Can you look at it as a sort of preventative measure? If the surgeon said, there's a risk of getting an infection so we'll give you some antibiotics before and after the surgery, you wouldn't say "no thanks, I'll wait and see if I get sepsis first". You may be fine and not need the therapy, but if it's available, would it be better to take it than to risk waiting and possibly ending up in a really dark place?

Hi @TheOldestCat .... I know this is an old post! I've been trying to research real stories of the outcome from posterior wall and periumium repair as my consultant is booking me in finally, after years of putting up with problems. Could you tell me anything more please?

Hi at @Upaheight - first time I’ve been on MN since this! Sorry! Maybe you have had the procedure and this is too late. If not, I can only tell you about my experience and it was entirely positive. For the first time in a decade I could go the toilet ‘normally’. I healed well despite a post-surgery infection, sorted with antibiotics. It was life changing really! And I felt so sad that I put up with awful symptoms for 10 years because I thought I had to.

I hope all went well for you.

Thank you for sharing that, I'm just waiting for a surgery date. Glad to know it was the best thing for you xx