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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

STBXH taking advantage?

10 replies

Noodledoodlesandspud · 15/05/2019 19:31

Me and STBXH seperated September last year for a variety of reasons, mostly to do with him being crap with money and lying.
He recently said he wants to give things another go. I was in 2 minds as he got quite abusive when we split, forcing his way into the house etc. I eventually said I was willing to give it another go but I wanted to go back to dating and basically start again. He agreed and we went on a 'date' to the cinema and a meal. It was actually really nice. However now everytime he comes to pick up dc he acts like he lives here, he will make himself coffee and has even taken a beer out of the fridge all without asking. He hates the house share he lives in and part of me feels like he just wants to be back in the house not with me.
I especially felt like that on Monday. I was extremely sick and rang STBXH whonwasnt working and asked him to come and take dc3 (20 months) as I couldn't even stand up and I was throwing up every few mins. Dc3 was destroying the bathroom as I tried to watch him while being so ill. He moaned that I was ruining his day off but eventually agreed to come and get dc3. He finally turned up an hour later (he leaves literally around the corner). He took dc3 for the day and collected dc 1&2 at 3. He came back and cooked them dinner and put them to bed etc. He said he would stay and make sure they were definetly asleep etc. I was really grateful for the help and I thanked him. However the next day I got up the kids toys were all over the floor, their school bags were dumped in a heap by the door and every thing dc3 had pulled out of the bathroom cupboard was still all over the floor (toilet rolls, toothbrushes, sanitary items etc). The bathroom was discusting where I'd been sick. I didn't expect him to clean it just pick up the items off the floor. I mentioned it today and he just snapped 'well I don't bloody live there so it's not my problem'.

Aibu or would someone trying to fix their relationship have actually put a bit more effort in?

OP posts:
Noodledoodlesandspud · 15/05/2019 19:31

Sorry for the long post!!

OP posts:
Throckmorton · 15/05/2019 19:35

He's a total bastard and you are worth more!!

IAmTheChosenOne · 15/05/2019 19:38

You would have thought so - but you cant have it both ways he acts like he lives here then complain when he doesn't do the housework.

TBH, if the boot were on the other foot you'd have this forum calling him a pig for not cleaning his own vomit up.

Only you know what you want, but he sounds lazy and like he doesn't pull his weight. The very fact he complained about coming to help you tells you what he thinks. If I were you, I'd move on

Noodledoodlesandspud · 15/05/2019 19:50

choosenone I wasn't expecting him to clean up my vomit, Id cleaned up the worst of it and I was planning on doing the rest once I could stand up but I would have liked it if he'd picked up the carnage dc3 had caused.

OP posts:
Summerorjustmaybe · 15/05/2019 19:53

When me end exh split I fell for the I have changed line.
Your twat sounds like he wants a home not new start with you...
Bin him for good.

GarnierBBCream · 15/05/2019 19:59

Just bin him off for good! NO more dating or giving it another go.

letsdolunch321 · 15/05/2019 20:09

He will not change, if you have him back he will very soon slip back to his old ways.

Hope you are feeling better 💐

YouSayPotatoesISayVodka · 15/05/2019 20:12

Sounds like he wants back for an easier life tbh. As for behaving like he still lives there that would piss me off. But “he got quite abusive when we split, forcing his way into the house etc” rings alarm bells. I had an ex who did exactly that and I let him back. Big mistake. He got worse over the years. I think you should cut your losses and sack off the getting back together and make sure he knows it’s over for good. So no coming in the house and certainly no helping himself to coffee/beer.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 15/05/2019 20:36

Hi OP

Not sure about the clearing up, to be honest I would be worried about catching it and gagging anywhere near sick so personally I'd have avoided it, in our house the person that's been ill usually disinfect stuff to try and avoid spreading it.

But him moaning about you being sick and ruining his day off by parenting his own kid while you were unable, is awful behaviour and if that's him putting in effort then I dont think this is going anywhere. I'd have shown a friend or neighbour more sympathy than he gave you and hes trying to win you back!

Noodledoodlesandspud · 16/05/2019 11:59

amiright I didn't want him to clean the sticky toilet just pick up all the crap dc3 had thrown everywhere.

I told him today that I've realised where I am on his priority list and I'm further down than I'd like so I don't want to 'date' or any of that shit, I just want to concentrate on moving forward.

OP posts:
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