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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Heavenly birthday aibu

18 replies

Codywolf · 15/05/2019 16:02

Hi all my first post

On FB just seen this post about happy heavenly birthday to my grandad from my sister not sure how to feel about it

aibu to think it not a thing you would do

OP posts:
KissMeBunty · 15/05/2019 16:02

Don't judge other people's grief.

isabellerossignol · 15/05/2019 16:03

It's not something I'd do but if someone finds it brings them comfort I'd feel a bit mean to begrudge them that.

Original poster
Codywolf · 15/05/2019 16:05

I suppose you are right just felt strange
thank you for replying x

OP posts:
Norma27 · 15/05/2019 16:09

We recently lost my stepdad very suddenly and tragically. Although I doubt I would do it myself, I definitely won’t judge other members of the family who more than likely will.
Grief is a very personal thing, and as long as they are not hurting anybody else then let them be.

ChoccieEClaire · 15/05/2019 16:12

My sister does this a lot with pictures of a our grandma who passed away a couple of years ago.
My problem with her doing this is nothing to do with her missing our grandma or thinking if her, it's more the fact that I'm not prepared for it and when I'm idly scrolling through FB and see a picture it upsets me as I wasn't prepared for it.
People grieve and celebrate life in different ways but on social media their choice affects others who may be grieving in a different way and shoves it in your face at a time when you may not wish it to.

lazyarse123 · 15/05/2019 16:12

I have a friend who does this and she is the lovliest most thoughtful person I know, but when I see this I cringe as I just don't get it. The people whose birthdays she is remembering have been gone 20 years. It seems a bit attention seeking, "you okay hun" type thing.

BlueMerchant · 15/05/2019 16:14

Certainly not something I would do.
Lost my Dear Grandfather but I'd rather think about him privately when his Birthday comes around. Understand it's personal but I find it vulgar, especially if the deceased wasn't an avid Facebook userHmm

Original poster
Codywolf · 15/05/2019 16:15

I thought it was more attention seeking than grief as he has been gone for 3 years and it the first time she has done it

OP posts:
specterlitt · 15/05/2019 16:21

You're not sure how you feel about it? You have a think and figure out how this non-issue really affects your way of life.

Let people grieve or write what they want on their social media, if it's not something you want to see - unfollow so you don't see updates.

This really is a non-issue. Let your sister be, this was a simple outlet for her.

purpleboy · 15/05/2019 16:28

I also immediately think attention seeking.
Also found out DHs uncle died via Facebook! Very upsetting for half of the family that didn't know. Don't understand why people have to share every second of their life on SM.

Wilberforce2 · 15/05/2019 16:31

I can't stand shit like that but then I'm not an avid FB user and don't put my life all over it.

LimeKiwi · 15/05/2019 16:36

aibu to think it not a thing you would do

YABU - what's it got to do with you how they cope? If it helps with their grieving, or makes them feel better, that's a good thing.
It doesn't affect you in the slightest. Each to their own.

LimeKiwi · 15/05/2019 16:38

People grieve and celebrate life in different ways but on social media their choice affects others who may be grieving in a different way and shoves it in your face at a time when you may not wish it to

There's always the option of the unfollow aka hide button for people's updates or posts you don't want to see.

ChocChocButtons · 15/05/2019 16:44

Is it hurting you in some way???

ChoccieEClaire · 15/05/2019 16:47

Cheers @LimeKiwi but I'm not likely to unfollow my sister, that would cause many more issues!

LimeKiwi · 15/05/2019 16:54

Cheers @LimeKiwi but I'm not likely to unfollow my sister, that would cause many more issues!

How would she know though?
I don't mean unfriend, I just mean unfollow so you don't get her updates in your feed anymore so that you don't have to see them if you don't want to.

UbbesPonytail · 15/05/2019 17:05

My DSis died four years ago. I acknowledge her on social media on her birthday, usually in a subtle way but this year I shared a photo I’d found of her and my DD that I didn’t know existed. It’s not attention seeking. It’s entirely about me and my sadness and a way to acknowledge that she was here and she was wonderful. It’s not for likes or double taps (in fact I always limit the posts to only family and her friends) - It’s almost a way of talking to her, the same way that I occasionally send her a message on
FB or write an email.

TapasForTwo · 15/05/2019 17:08

It's not something I would do, but each to their own.

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