to ask you to give me strength....

[MissTerryLady]

Split with my husband some time ago after finding out about an affair from years back. He wants to reconcile. I’ve said no way.

Haven’t had any moments of weakness in terms of ‘physical relations’ with him since I found out. Not even a kiss. Haven’t even been tempted.

Had a soppy dream about him last night, completely out of the blue.

We’ve got parents evening at the school later and then he’s stopping by to put the kids to bed (which he often does but I tend to head to the gym).

Feeling a bit weak after last night’s dream. Not looking to jump into bed with him (it wasn’t that kind of dream....) but oh what I’d give to curl up on the couch for a hug once the kids go to bed.

Need strength! Help! I am at work and can’t think about anything else.

Remember how you felt when you found out about the affair. Focus on that anger.

It sounds like you'e been really strong; keep going!

I would urge you to go to counselling with your husband, affairs happen for a reason and most times it is beneficial for your healing to know what he felt the need to do this and betray your marriage.

I know the trust has been completely broken but you sound like you are missing your husband. One bad action or event he did does not take away the love he had for you or the years you spent together and the memories you shared. I would be open to seeing if you can reconcile as if it was years ago and its over now, could you not see yourself forgiving him?

I strongly believe that marriage is not easy but its generally something that you should go into the intention of never leaving.

Start googling other men. Ryan Gosling et al. You are better than this man - maybe you're just craving a bit of attention? Which is fine but not off old cheaty mcCheaterson.

Derren - Inspired by your response, I dropped an email to a (single) male acquaintance that I’ve been umming and ah’ing about contacting. I know him through church so I only emailed him about that (I’ve not invited him to a post parents evening snuggle on the sofa!) but I feel like it’s a distraction, at least.

Blonde - there may be counselling in the future. His response to me finding out he cheated has been really unsatisfactory (just sorry he got caught comes to mind) so I’m not sure I want to go down that road with him.

Nah dont bother going to counselling. Once a cheater always a cheater. Move on with life and enjoy it.

His response to me finding out he cheated has been really unsatisfactory (just sorry he got caught comes to mind)
No reassurance there then.

This wasn't a trial separation was it, you were very definite.
As your anger abates over time he thinks you're softening.

If he had confessed and been ashamed and sounded genuinely contrite, you might have cherished the hope that you could get back together. From what you say, that was entirely lacking.

No strength was required in the end. He did a fine job of reminding me what a complete arsehole he is. I’d rather hug a turd.

Well done OP. You go girl.