AIBU to think we could at least talk?

[AmIBeingStupid101]

Last year, I dated an amazing man for a few months. Admittedly it was very short, but we both clicked instantly. Long story short, I had a relapse (I have borderline personality disorder) in mental health and ended up becoming a bit too intense and neurotic. In the end, I drove him away. We just became so distant, things went casual; I think he tried, but I was just too ill at the time.

Recently, it's come to my attention from a friend that he has not seen anyone since. He feels bitter that I pushed him away at the end; he realizes that I had issues, but does not know about BPD as I never felt comfortable telling him. He seems to harbor a lot of unresolved feelings in terms of how things ended, ie, he doesn't understand how I'm now perfectly fine, how I shut him out after, etc... We work within a few blocks of each other, and I often see him. However, I have no idea how to react and just ignore him.

I don't know what to do. I'm finally having therapy for BPD and can now realize my behavior at the time was harmful. I feel bad that we never really talked things over, nor did I ever give him any explanation

I keep seeing him, and it's getting beyond awkward. I feel like I need to say something, because I keep running into him and it's not doing me any good. Not necessarily tell him about my BPD, but at least try and clear the air. But I've no idea how to do that when I've ignored him for almost six months. A few weeks ago he started going to my favorite cafe and it increased how often we saw each other. It got even more weird with him blanking me and I blanking him. So I messaged him and told him it doesn't have to be so damn awkward. He never replied.

We'e both (young) adults, it shouldn't be this hard surely?! AIBU to just want things to be civil between us when we run into each other and our workplaces are very heavily related and sometimes merge?

I think he is trying to make it clear that he doesn't want to maintain any connection.
You gave it time, and space, you reached out, he ignored it.
Just treat him as a stranger, no worse or better.

How do you know he harbours unresolved feelings?
He didn’t reply. He makes no attempt to speak to you when you run into each other.
I’m worried you’re going down a route of being over involved and intense again.

It's not hard, he doesn't want to speak to you. I think he has made this quite clear.

You need to back off. Damage was done, and it looks like he doesn’t want to repair it. If he did he would look at you and smile, he would strike up conversation, he would reply to your messages.

Are you only doing this for your own benefit, to make yourself feel better? By the way I have bipolar, so know the coming on strong when your illness kicks in scenario. Luckily dp just laughs at me and pulls me up on it, which normally makes me go . But I’ve been honest since the day I was diagnosed and before we got together, so he knew what he was letting himself in for (doesn’t mean it’s all been plain sailing!),

"So I messaged him and told him it doesn't have to be so damn awkward*

It might have been better to message him and tell him you're sorry for how things ended. He doesn't seem interested in mending fences, I'd just leave him alone. If you have to associate with him for work, be cordial and polite.

Leave him alone. Your message was rude so even less reason for him to want to consider opening lines of communication.

I think you need to move on. He has obviously chosen to continue to ignore you when he could have spoken to you at any time

Did you say sorry in your message? It looks like your message was rude and honestly seems like hes not remotely interested.

I also struggle to see how you'd clear the air without telling him about your BPD. Just treat him like any other stranger now