to feel so deeply changed by an event

[simplythepest]

I’ve been thinking a great deal about this recently and have toyed with posting about it and asking if anyone has ever felt the same way.

About 2 years ago my dad took unwell very suddenly. I won’t go into the details but suffice to say he ended up in intensive care and then ended up on a lift support machine. We were told on a good few occasions that we should prepare that he wouldn’t make it. At the time I was pregnant with my second DD and virtually ignored the pregnancy in the 8/9 weeks my dad was in hospital. I spent hours by his bedside and spent many nights with my mum while my DH and MIL and FIL picked up everything with my elder Dd when I wasn’t there (which I am so so so so grateful for)

Thankfully he pulled through - there has been some lasting damage but he leads a relatively normal lift.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I feel so utterly changed by this event. I feel like I had lived in a bubble up until that point and my life was totally ripped open. We’re two years down the line and I still feel very much like I am deeply upset and sad about it.

For instance tonight I was looking at pictures of my elder dd and showed them to my husband and one of my first thoughts when I looked at the date was “god that was before he took unwell...”

I find myself wondering if anyone else feels this way about certain things that have happened and, if so, how do you reconcile yourself with it?

For example, if my mum phones me I still go into a complete panic that something has happened because my mind goes back to that panicked phone call from her two years ago.

I hope someone can help me or let me know that I’m not alone.

@simplythepest I think there would be mileage in getting counselling for you.

My attitude changed when I had a life threatening illness last year. It has also left me with lasting effects which will continue until I die.

I used to give a shit what people think. Now all I care about is doing what I want, when I want, and making sure I experience or see everything I want to. I am 42 this year.

I have friends that have died young too, and it just pushes me on to enjoy life.

I think it makes you one of two ways in a sliding scale. At one end people constantly worry about the what ifs after an event at the other end it makes you cold and callous.

I am the other way, since the bubble burst I am fatalistic, I have less feelings than I think should be normal a way of detaching myself which is sad.

I love the Baz Luhrman song, I listen to it a few months ago (after not hearing since a teen) and it made me cry.

That sounds really tough..I'm not surprised you feel so affected by it.
I had a similar experience with a very close friend..suddenly found myself in itu for days on end, dealing with the prospect of them not making it. It was v traumatic and I am still deeply affected by it even though they have recovered now.
It might be helpful to have some counselling or therapy, it can help us to process these really big events and feel less stuck, It wont take away the feelings but might help you to fit it more into your life.

I empathise with much that's been said on this thread and would like to share something that is helping me.

I transcribed part of an interview on R4 given by author Helen Dunmore when she was terminally ill. She was talking about the characters in her novel, set in 1790s Bristol, and how they lived with the every day threat of sudden death (their own or their loved ones) through sickness, accident or childbirth.

"They had tremendous courage.

They faced life with such resolution and they were not daunted
They didn't share the illusion (that we have) that we are immortal. They knew what life was and they knew what death was and they wanted to live to the full.
I wanted to convey the energy, intensity and the burning quality of their lives"

You’re not alone OP.

I hope you’re feeling brighter.

I think many people feel deeply moved or scarred about an event but I don’t think people always talk about it. Stiff Upper lip thing I suppose.

I think your grief and shock is totally understandable OP. I would also suggest you have some counselling to help process what you feel. I lost my DF very early, so have absorbed those feelings since then..and the pain of how much he has missed of our lives. But I also think losing someone very close for the first time in your 40s must be deeply shocking and painful. As you say, partly the sudden shock of this happening to you at all. I think talking about it helps and I genuinely think a few counselling sessions where you can talk through exactly how you’re feeling could v very helpful to you.

My mum had the first of totally catastrophic medical events when I was 12. She died when I was 22, after years on life support. My life is a bit of a blur for those 10 years. As it turns out, in one way that's fortunate as I was horribly abused. But its given me PTSD which I've been dealing with for many years. Get help and talk talk talk is my advice. And .