To want to know ETA?

[verybookish]

Mumsnet! Help me figure out whether I am reasonably peeved or just an unreasonable and bitter hag 

If your partner works long and unpredictable hours, do they let you know a rough time when they will be home reasonably in advance? If they don’t, do you mind? Why not?

It’s quite difficult getting an ETA from my spouse (in fact they are annoyed when I ask them). But I think it’s not unreasonable for me to want to know even just around 5 each day, so I can plan accordingly, ie eat with children or wait for spouse, get mentally braced for nightmare of doing bedtime on my own, etc. Surely, it’s not too much to ask? Or is it?

Should I just let go of all hope of a family life during the week and pretend spouse is just a very attractive lodger I sometimes sleep with? 

Mine doesn't and it drives me mad. He can do what he wants at work and can leave as long as work done but I never know what is going on.

For example, he came home around 6pm tonight, last week he was generally back between 10pm-12am.

I can’t always tell my h when I will be home, I will send him a message to say I will be late but usually I can’t put a time on it until close to when I can get finished.

I let DH know if I'll be home later than usual (I write it on the calendar if planned or text if just caught up). He likes to know so if he's having a difficult time with the children (young) he can think that I'll be home soon or not and whether he needs to feed them tea or wait for me to do it.

You could always turn on their "find my friends" and then have some idea of if they have left work or how close to home they are?
We did this but I've never used it, DH just texts when he leaves.

What time they leave isn’t much use if the kids are hungry

Can you say dinner is at X if you aren’t home it’ll be in the microwave or you can make your own

My ex wouldn't. My DP always makes a plan in morning that almost always dsnt change. Don't put up with spending your whole life waiting for sth to happen like I used to x

My DP works unpredictable hours and wouldn't dream of not letting me know roughly when he'll be back - and I would find it as annoying as fuck not to be told. It's just basic courtesy if you're trying to plan meals etc.

My dh usually sends a message if he's working late. If he doesn't appear round about the time he would usually be home but hasn't messaged I send him a message just asking what time he'll be finishing. He just tells me tbh don't know why anyone would be arsey about such a simple question.

I'm the one who often gets caught up at work

I don't tend to text unless it's extreme - as in a few hours later than planned - he tends to know a rough time, but other times I may be home earlier or an hour or so later. The majority of the time I'm late I genuinely can't predict it - if I can then I will text, but if it's an emergency then no (or by the time I'm texting to say I'm going to be late I'm already 2 hours late)

It's common courtesy to let your partner at home know roughly when to expect you home. If they refuse, it's them being unreasonable.