Friend thinks I'm fat! Size 10-12 after 2 kids FFS

[Mama2EE]

Not sure if posting in the right place. So I had a baby 6 months ago and have not lost all the weight I gained in pregnancy yet. Although I have lost quite a bit and am size 10 in most clothes, some 12. before baby I was a size 8 and by the end of pregnancy size 14. My friend visited when my baby was 3 months and we had a lovely catch up. Then she visited again a few days ago. One of the first things she said to me was : "you've put on weight". I told her I have not put on any more weight since I last saw her and in fact have lost some. She told me not to worry and that she's sure I'll lose it. I explained I've got more to lose but that I'm not really worried about it. I then tried to speak to her about other things and forget about this comment and she again stopped talking to say "yeah you have put weight on". I said no I have not again and she then said "oh maybe it's the clothes you're wearing then". What the actual F??!!! We then didn't mention it again but those comments have been playing on my mind. Why would she say that to me?! Did she want to upset me? I just don't know

ugh, how weird. But it's also quite sad, as she's obviously fixated on weight/size/eating. Does she have any serious issues of her own (i'm guessing - yes)

Sounds like you’re in great shape, your friend sounds as if she’s jealous tbh, and weight obsessed. And also very rude. She’s also no friend, you can do without people like her in your life.

Cut that kind of negative wankery from your life. A lot of women feel insecure about their body 6 months after giving birth, everyone knows this, so for a so called friend to try and deliberately make you feel shitty about your weight is not someone who'd still be on my friends list.

That’s not a friendly thing to say.

I am the same size as you 10/12 and 5”3, I wouldn’t say I’m overweight, I would like to lose some belly fat but it’s not really a big issue, I would be pretty pissed off of a friend called me fat/overweight. Our bodies change after having kids and as we age but a size 10/12 really isn’t fat, it’s below average and I would say ‘healthy’. I was size 8 before having kids and looked bloody ill.

Oh I had a friend like that once. Spent every conversation commenting about everyone else's weight, often with glee when she thought someone had put weight on. What a toxic individual. She spent years wondering why everyone (including me) ghosted her.

Enjoy your baby and feel happy in yourself. Cut her out - you really don't need people like that.

It doesn’t really matter what size you are, the issue is WHY she would say that to you? You know you haven’t put on weight, so it isn’t likely she really thinks you have because she sounds like she watches weight closely. Why would this person want to make you feel that you looked overweight?

Your friend is an ignorant twat.

You had a baby six months ago for goodness sake! You don’t need to be worrying about losing weight!

What a thoughtless spiteful cow. Has she some reason to be jealous of you. Otherwise there is no excuse for a horrible comment like that. If anything i would go the other extreme and tell my friend how well they looked - even if that wasn't the case .

Mama2EE

“I’m 5ft3.

Well there you go then, nothing whatsoever to worry about!

(But even if women are a bit heavier just weeks after giving birth, who the hell cares?)

How very infantile.

She wouldn't be my friend any longer that's for sure.
I have a 4 month old and like you, have nearly lost all the weight.
But NO ONE gets to comment. It's off limits.

She's not a nice person. You don't need friends like that!

Well done on your baby and your weight loss.

Reading everyone's comments makes me think maybe she was enjoying the fact I'm bigger than I was before. Jealousy I guess could be a factor. She did tell me a while back she wants another baby. But her relationship with her DH is so messed up they are absolutely not in the right place to have a child together (and never will be in my opinion as her DH has cheated on her with multiple women, some he's still in contact with, is a compulsive liar and the list goes on). So maybe there's the fact I've had a baby and she chose to highlight something negative that's come out of it. Just so weird and rude to continue saying it when I told her no I have not put weight on though.

OP the thread - I think, I bloody hope there isn't another one - is here

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/3581624-i-m-really-not-a-very-nice-person

it's quite depressing reading but if anyone needs their "suspicion" level buffered, it might be useful.

Well there you go OP, sounds like your "friend" is deeply unhappy in her own life and wants to bring you down with her.

I agree with @PrincessScarlett.
You don't need it, OP. She's in danger of bringing you down. Don't let her.

Hi OP. I had a friend like this (ex-friend now). It wasn't just weight with her, although she was obsessed with that. She would also make snide little comments about all kinds of things to do with my appearance. Comments like, "people with larger features (like mine she meant) always look older than they are", odd comments about my clothes like, "it's nice you don't feel like you need to get dressed up on nights out like this". She would always notice if I'd gained or lost weight, long before I did and comment on it. She'd always be making bitchy comments about people being overweight and was very judgemental about what I or anyone else female was eating around her. She was obsessed with noticing signs of ageing as well, so I dread to think what she's like these days with her comments to others! But anyway, it was all about making herself feel better by belittling others. Horrible, and it felt like a weight was lifted when I cut her out my life finally.

Think you need to find other friends op. Size 10 is by any stretch of the imagination is not "fat". I wouldnt Even say weight. However, even if you were a size 20-22.
She has no business nor right whatsoever passing comment.

I agree. Trying to make sense of it and she must have just wanted to bring me down. As I can't see why else she would have said what she did. Like I said she didn't exactly offer to start working out together or anything. And kind of succeeded in bringing me down already if I'm honest..There's been many times where I thought I really should cut contact with her so maybe that's what I should do.

Tell her to fuck off

Oh fuck her! Enjoy your baby. I have a 4.5 month old and am just getting back into diet and exercise now. You sound like you've done amazingly already.
Even if you hadn't and had gained 20 stone it still isn't her place to comment.
Actually, thinking about it, she sounds like she might be jealous of you.

Youre not fat but what kind of friend would say it anyway

im overweight i know it but friends dont bring it up unless i want to talk about it