To want to shake colleague

[justlliloleme]

Obviously not really shake her.
I work for a very small close knit company. Everyone works really hard & everyone gets on pretty well & it’s a brilliant place to work.
We don’t have a hierarchy as such, nor do we have appraisals, or even a HR function. But to be honest it isn’t really needed it’s the kind of company where everyone knows their job & is left to get on with it. I know it sounds very lackadaisical but it works (mostly) and we get results & are well respected & trusted in what we do.
I ‘line manage’ - that’s a lose term as realistically the person is expected to get on with her job & has just had a substantial pay rise to allow her to ‘step up’ into a role with more responsibility because this is what she’s asked for & to keep her happy that’s what she got (that’s the kind of company it is). The trouble is despite being fully capable of doing the job she really lacks the confidence to do the role effectively which will end up with me & another colleague picking up the slack & we really don’t have the time. I’ve been having weekly 1-2-1’s & got her involved in a few other things as she was getting a ‘bit bored’ with her old role.
I really don’t know what to do with her. I want to give her a shake and tell her to show some initiative & do her bloody job but obviously I can’t. Just for a bit of background she’s 35, only just moved out of her parents house, can’t really do anything without reassurance from someone, mainly mum & dad, and I suspect suffers from anxiety & depression. She talks to me about this & has recognised drinking makes her worse so has stopped drinking. She has a good group of friends but they’re all in relationships & she’s not. She constantly compares herself to peers & thinks she’s a failure compared to them. She really has rock bottom confidence & I want to help her to see that she is fully capable of doing the job & taking the initiative. When I’ve discussed this with her in the past she’s admitted she scared of making a mistake! She can’t even make a decision where we should eat out at lunchtime, in case we don’t enjoy it!
I’d appreciate any ideas how I can boost her confidence & self asteem so she can get on with the job she needs to do.
Theres no chance of any form of capability procedure or anything like that as it’s just not the type of company we are & that’s not going to change. This is about helping her to build her confidence.
Sorry for the long post but I think I partly needed to vent!!

Gosh that's hard. Perhaps:

Take small steps to get her to step up and be more responsible (e.g. start by sitting in on a meeting, get her to take notes but the usual note taker also does it so you aren't relying on her, then she becomes the fully fledged notetaker if you see what I mean) Obviously I don't know your line of work just an example.

Give praise and feedback where you can, "I thought when you did X it went really well. It would be even better if you did Y too when you're in that similar situation";

Get her to make a plan with you so she increases responsibility over time with tasks set that you suggest/she agrees to - she writes this and owns it so you don't have to. E.g. go on a soft skills course to learn line management techniques (or read up on it if no budget!) then plan in a few easy line management items - approving holiday and sick leave, move on to dealing with issues such as misconduct etc.

Focus on her learning not blaming. If she says she can't do something make a note to question her in a 1-2-1. Why did you feel you couldn't talk to X about whatever? (Maybe she felt intimidated) Why did you feel that way? (Maybe the customer was angry). What could you have done to diffuse the situation? (She needs to be able to suggest what she could have done rather than you telling her. Then suggest more things - what about sincerely apologizing to the customer, that would help diffuse things. What could you do to make it up to the customer - maybe you could offer to send it free of charge - or whatever.

Eventually, if she doesn't step up and you need her to you will have to say that she will need to go back to her old role if she can't manage.

Your first mistake is you or anyone "picking up her slack." Tell her what needs to be done and have her do it. If she can't pull herself together then she may need to find a new job. You aren't running a charity and she isn't a child. It is not your job to manage her insecurities, it's her responsibility to overcome them. Clearly, pandering to her anxieties isn't changing anything. The time for directness has come.