To feel really hurt and ashamed by this?

[Georgiedoyle92]

I’m 26 now but when I was 21 (yes, 5 whole years ago) I went on a graduate ski trip with my job at the time. My boyfriend then is still my boyfriend now which will be relevant shortly. I had literally just started in the job and didn’t know anyone so ended up drinking stupid amounts each night. I have no memory (and had no memory at the time) of ever getting with anyone, one night I did wake up in a room with 4 boys having been sick and unable to find my way back to my room but I absolutely know nothing sexual or flirty happened, I pretty much just collapsed. Of course I am embarrassed and ashamed about this sort of behaviour although am in a different job now and have been sober for over a year. However, since then one of boys that I was sharing the room with has messaged me on FB/Instagram saying really insinuating things, as if he knows my ‘secret’. At the time when we were both still working at the company he was never anything but friendly but since we have both left he has messaged me saying things like ‘I got a blow job in the lift on that ski trip - good times’ & ‘I had a real crush on you and still do’ & ‘how’s your boyfriend ;)’ I have always politely brushed him off but recently he messaged me again saying how much he thought about me etc and I thought enough is enough, I said to him I don’t mean to be rude but you’re making me feel really uncomfortable and I have a boyfriend so please stop sending me these kinds of messages. His response was ‘you had a boyfriend then though...’ I blocked and deleted him but his comment has made me wonder, does he know something I don’t? Or does he just want to make me feel that way? I’m half tempted to unblock him and ask him what he is actually referring to as it really is playing on my mind. I am 99.99% sure I did not kiss him or anyone else and if I did I would have been actually black out wasted - as I say I feel shit enough when I think back to it but why on earth does he feel the need to bring it up 5years later? I’m worried now I’ll have antagonised him enough to message my bf and ‘tell’ him, though tell him WHAT I don’t know!

He’s a disgusting fucker. Either nothing happened and he’s just messing with your head, or something did happen and he’s a rapist because there’s no way you could have consented while black out drunk.

I would block him, and try to put him from your mind - the most likely explanation is he’s a prick on a power trip

I couldn't help myself, I would need to unblock and ask him what he is talking about and give me some facts rather than being a creepy dick. Then if he said something did happen I would ask how I could have possibly consented to that.

Thanks all! Quite relieved that you agree with me that it’s not right of him. The thing that shocks me about all this is that when we were actually on the trip we all had dinner every night in our room (2 boys, 2 girls) and you would never guess he was the type to do this. He was just polite in person, and at work I highly doubt anyone would have suspected anything like this. Until we both left when he saw me around at work he would nod/smile politely and that was it. Scares me how many ‘normal’ men at work are bloody not and have the potential to be creeps when given a chance.

Surely if anything had happened you'd have realised from the vibes following the night from the others? Nobody would have acted normally in that situation.

Tell him you were too drunk for anything consensual to have happened, so if he’d like you to contact the police so they can take statements from everyone and unpick things then you’d be happy to.

I had a man do this to me when I was much younger. By "this", I mean, insinuating that he knew something shameful (or whatever) about me, that he had one over on me, and that I therefore ought to do whatever he wanted me to do.

It was awful. Unfortunately my awful ex was on the scene then, and when I went to him for protection, he assumed that whatever this guy was insinuating must be based in fact, I must have done something "bad". I therefore also spent way too much time tearfully trying to convince my then bf that I was "good" and hadn't done anyhting wrong. Shudder.

Men can be complete pigs sometimes. This kind of manipulation is unfortunately really common. It's a time honoured way of getting young, inexperienced women in particular to do things that they don't want to do. And many such men also get pleasure from making women feel sad, upset and scared...

Don't let him get to you. Block and ignore. Anything else will just give him a thrill of feeling he has the power to upset you x

"you are either a liar or a rapist if you are saying that anything sexual happened between us two that night. I know I got drunk, fell asleep and I have no recollection of consensual sexual activity with anyone. Go ahead and tell my boyfriend. I have nothing to hide from him. Please tell us exactly what you claim happened that night that we can go to the police and report it as a sexual assault"