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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Renting over buying in this situation

32 replies

user87382294757 · 14/05/2019 11:11

Some people we know had a large expensive house, children at private school, then it all went tits up. Something about a business loan...anyway at the same time they were burgled. Sounds pretty bad.

Anyway, so they lost the expensive car, house and children taken out of private school. they moved to the catchment of nearby school and now they rent an even bigger house. Like, unnecessarily huge. The rent is very high, and now both have gone back to work, (the mother in a job she hates) to afford this.

I just don't get it. Why not buy a smaller house? Is it just about 'keeping up appearances'? Why would you give away so much money every month to have nothing at the end of it.

OP posts:

Divgirl2 · 14/05/2019 11:16

Different people have different priorities. I don't understand it personally but hey; not my circus, not my monkey.

Original poster

user87382294757 · 14/05/2019 11:20

They mentioned something about having a whole floor for visitors and needing the space for entertaining, and outside there is a whole play area for the children. But the children are growing up. It just seems bizarre. It is a gated complex, so I suppose that is due to being burgled in the past.

OP posts:

HollowTalk · 14/05/2019 11:21

Why don't you ask them?

dontgobaconmyheart · 14/05/2019 11:37

As you point out OP, it sounds like an unbelievably stressful time for them, you sound very glib about an absolutely awful financial loss, complete change of circumstances, and a home burglary on top. - especially as there are DC involved. Perhaps they are attempting to create some stability for their children in the short term while they adjust, perhaps they are embarrassed, perhaps it is a short term plan, perhaps it feels important to them to have a house they like in this horrible situation, which means from their perspective they get plenty out of it. Whatever the reason it is nobodies business but theirs and it doesn't require your understanding or approval is the thing. It may not be the case but you sound a bit jealous that they're supposed to be poor now but still have a really nice house.

They wouldn't actually be renting it at all if they hadn't passed the affordability check when applying to do so, though that may well be because she went back to work- regardless they clearly mutually could prove they earn enough to cover the rent without cause for alarm. I think it seems a bit mean spirited to be judgemental about their choices. In general it's not a good look is it, and given what they've been through, and given that their personal finances and life choices aren't anything to do with you, in the nicest possible way- why do you feel you need to know why this family have done something that doesn't make sense to you? I think just live and let live, and support them. It sounds tough!

Original poster

user87382294757 · 14/05/2019 11:42

Well, it means no stability for the family in the future, when if they had bought a smaller house that would have. No, not jealous, either

OP posts:

CanILeavenowplease · 14/05/2019 11:47

What has any of it got to do with you? The situation is recognisable. How would you feel if someone you knew was picking over the finer details of your life that they know nothing about with strangers?

Original poster

user87382294757 · 14/05/2019 11:52

So you all feel it is reasonable this situation and not to worry about being vulnerable in the future then.

OP posts:

CanILeavenowplease · 14/05/2019 11:53

Again, what has it got to do with you?

ZippyBungleandGeorge · 14/05/2019 11:55

It's not your place to judge other people's priorities. If you'd come on here and said this is my situation would you do a or b you'd get different responses, but at it is this just seems like bitching, which doesn't show you in a good light

Biancadelrioisback · 14/05/2019 11:59

Sweet FA to do with you. Keep your nose out

Popcorntwice · 14/05/2019 12:46

I know some people like this. They built a massive house 'like a mansion from footballers wives' (their words!).

After a year of living there they had to sell it as they had so many debts, and have now rented similar style houses for the past few years. Their current house costs 3.5k per month in rent!

MummyCool19 · 14/05/2019 12:48

Unable to get a mortgage?

lyralalala · 14/05/2019 12:55

Maybe they are happy renting.

Plus if they lost everything due to debts they may be unable to get a mortgage to buy.

chipsandpeas · 14/05/2019 12:56

maybe they were that fucked money wise they cant get another mortgage due to bad credit

KC225 · 14/05/2019 12:58

I would think that if they lost their business to some form of bankruptcy then they would struggle to get a mortgage.

Even if they could get a mortgage where would the deposit come from? And imagine the rate?

Maybe giving the 'illusion' they are doing well will set them back on their former path.

PamelaX · 14/05/2019 13:00

it has nothing to do with you!

Maybe they want a break - they want to enjoy the luxury of renting, paying the rent and not having to think or budget for anything else for a little while. Anything goes wrong, they call and someone fixes it for them.

Sometimes it's nice to live in a rental for a time and not having to think about the house. renting doesn't mean you are vulnerable
Sometimes you are financially better off if you haven't have any declared assets in your own name and can get help that a mortgage payer is not entitled to.

Either you are their accountant, and whatever the situation you must be horrendous if you can't figure it out
or you don't know all the details so you are just making your own little story.

SnowyAlpsandPeaks · 14/05/2019 13:07

They probably can’t get a mortgage however can pass the checks for rent. Seems the most obvious reason. However, what the fook does it have to do with you? Are you paying their bills? If not, mind your beeswax!!!

Gigglinghysterically · 14/05/2019 13:18

Different people make different choices. What's the problem? Why are you worried about this? It doesn't sound as if they are even relatives ("Some people we know").
You are just too involved in someone else's business.

My cousin keeps harping on about how one of her brothers has sold his house and is now renting an apartment. He is also rubbish with money. She just doesn't agree with him having done this and says she doesn't understand why. She wonders what will happen when his capital runs out. But I can't be bothered to worry about it, it's his choice to live in a rented home. There's nothing to say you have to buy your home.

The people you know may feel more secure by living in the gated community following the burglary. Also, if they are used to entertaining and having people to stay, even if she has to go back to work to pay for it, if that's what they want then why not?

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 14/05/2019 13:25

When I left my DH I went into rented with my DS. Now it wasn't huge or anything but it was a lot more than I had initially wanted but I didn't want my DS's life to suffer because of my decision. The other places that were better prices were bloody awful and no way did I want my kid going through that. Maybe it's the same for them. Their kids lives have bee turned upside enough as it is, maybe they still want to them to think financially things are ok and to still give them the nice house etc. If they have been in trouble maybe they don't qualify for a mortgage. Could be loads of reasons.

OKBobble · 14/05/2019 14:04

Maybe they are renting from family or friends at mates rates. Maybe its 6 months to get kids in to good state school and then they will downsize. Either way none of your business really, is it?

fargo123 · 15/05/2019 03:03

You're really not coming off well here. Aside from the fact it has nothing to do with you, intentional or not, there is a smugness to your posts about this family's downturn in luck.

It may well be that after paying off their debts they didn't have enough capital to buy a house at that time/pay a deposit, but the regular payments from their new jobs qualify them to pay a weekly rent bill. Whatever the actual reason, they probably feel bad enough at the moment without other people judging them for their decisions.

KanielOutis · 15/05/2019 05:51

I am blinkered by a career in debt recovery, but often those with an outward lifestyle of wealth can least afford it. Whose with money don't tend to flash it.

LizziesTwin · 15/05/2019 05:55

Maybe they struck a deal with the landlord & having been burgled want to live somewhere with better security?

anothernotherone · 15/05/2019 06:03

It's absolutely none of your business, why on earth do you think it is?

They probably can't get a mortgage due to whatever happened with the business loan but still have a highish income and/ or aren't paying market rent due to knowing the owner.

Original poster

user87382294757 · 15/05/2019 13:52

Well. They have been very rude and upset me over the years by making negative comments about our home (small)- it has been hurtful. We are home owners though and due to pay off the mortgage soon. I have not commented on this to them, due to the circumstances, but I don't understand why they would do this. Why be so opposed to a smaller home. Anyway, it is their choice I guess. Maybe the being mean about our situation is related to theirs in some way.

OP posts:

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