Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Mil turning up at bed time again!

38 replies

Shootingstar1115 · 13/05/2019 19:13

A few times recently mil has turned up at bedtime without warning and hyped up the kids. I wouldn’t mind but my eldest has asd, so routine is particularly important and mil turning up at bedtime just unsettles him, the hypes him up and he takes forever to go sleep. His bedtime routine starts about 6.30pm in the hope he will be asleep by 8.30-9.

DD gets up early, gets extremely tired and is often asleep by 6.30. We’ve had a busy day today and she was more tired than usual and fell asleep by 6.

Tonight mil turned up at 6.45. DS is now hyped up and will take forever to wind down again, DD is awake and probably won’t go back to sleep for a while.

IF she had texted to say she was coming over I wouldn’t mind as much as I would be prepared but we had no idea until she turns up!

Aibu to annoyed by this??

I’ve always asked if she could let us know if she was coming over regardless of the time (it’s best to prepare DS for visitors in advance rather than him being surprised by unexpected visitors).

OH made it clear that she had annoyed us. I feel guilty for putting her off coming for long but then again she’s had four children and said herself they always went to bed early so surely she understands my frustration??

OP posts:

jasmine1971 · 13/05/2019 19:50

You see, I read the title of the thread OP and had visions of MIL wanting to reading OH a bedtime story and tuck him in. It could be worse ..........

jasmine1971 · 13/05/2019 19:51

On a serious note, yes I would also be annoyed. But then I'd save the washing up so she could help me out with that. Or choose a really lovely bedtime story that she has to snuggle up to read - to DS not OH

cakeandchampagne · 13/05/2019 19:57

Don’t allow her to upset your home.
Let her know she must call and ask if it is okay to visit.
If she just shows up, don’t answer the door. If she has a key, change the locks. Otherwise, things will probably get much worse.

adaline · 13/05/2019 20:10

I think it’s very easy for randoms on the internet to say don’t let her in. Because that wouldn’t cause awkwardness for the OP would it?

And? Isn't a big of awkwardness better than (potentially) years of misery because nobody will say no?

Cynderella · 13/05/2019 20:14

I don't really turn up without a text first and I would avoid bedtime. But grandchild visits frequently so I tend not to be the visitor.

If I was the parent and it happened once every few weeks, I would just suck it up and carry on putting kids to bed. If it was more regular than that, I would negotiate a different visiting time. Are there other mutually convenient times you could suggest?

It doesn't look like a problem to me. Just needs communication. I suspect MIL may not realise she's not welcome. There are nice ways to change this.

Wasafatmum42 · 13/05/2019 20:24

do what I did I had a friend who used to do that I then accidentally broke my doorbell she would knock and I would be upstairs with the kids and tell them I think the knock is coming from next door , when she eventually had it out with me I told her I don't have a doorbell any more and you can never catch me around that time as its the kids` bedtime and it worked she never did it again

Happyandglorious · 13/05/2019 20:26

I disconnected my doorbell when mine were small -and the world is still a better place.
But agree with pp, explain it to her simply and she should get the message.
If not see above

phoenixrosehere · 13/05/2019 20:43

I’ve always asked if she could let us know if she was coming over regardless of the time (it’s best to prepare DS for visitors in advance rather than him being surprised by unexpected visitors).

OH made it clear that she had annoyed us.
——

Has your oh made it clear not to come over during these times? Has he actually said, please do not come over at these times for xyz?

Jux · 13/05/2019 21:13

It really is fine to tell her not to visit after a certain time. Don't be afeard!

Redwinestillfine · 13/05/2019 21:17

Can't you just leave your DH to deal with her downstairs and carry on with bedtime as usual? If my mil ever turns up this late she just doesn't get to see the kids. They're in the bath and then straight into pj's for stories and bed. If I am doing bedtime then I can't also deal with guests. If DH was out the door just wouldn't get answered.

NoSauce · 13/05/2019 21:22

I think it’s very easy for randoms on the internet to say don’t let her in. Because that wouldn’t cause awkwardness for the OP would it?

And? Isn't a big of awkwardness better than (potentially) years of misery because nobody will say no?

But my quote was saying it’s very easy for randoms to say don’t let her in. I didn’t and haven’t said say nothing, if you read my other post I said to speak to MIL and tell her that her popping in doesn’t work for the OP.

I just think it’s silly of people saying lock the door, ignore the bell etc because it’s not you having to then carry on a relationship with someone that you’ve done that to. Talking it through is the best solution imo and making sure MIL understands.

BertrandRussell · 13/05/2019 21:23

Or she could do stories while you have a sit down with a glass of wine? Or dp could do bedtime while you have a cup of tea and a chat? Lots and lots of options!

TriciaH87 · 13/05/2019 21:25

Tell her if the kids have school next day visiting time is over at say 6pm. If she comes after she will be turned away. If still there it will be time to leave. Tell her if they do not sleep it could affect their education which is important. Stick to it if she doesn't like it tough visit at a suitable time preferably with notice.

Flip

1 2