Im starting to hate my life!

[SallySkellington11]

On the surface I have a wonderful life. I've got a fella that will take me anywhere (only if I make the decision where and am ready inthe time scale he thinks is right) and buy me anything. I've got 2 beautiful girls, 10yo and 14 months. I've got a nice house and nice things. I dont want for anything...except happiness.
I'm tired of being miserable!

I sound selfish I know but when I go a bit deeper things aren't exactly lovely. My DH is lazy, he works but does NOTHING around the house and when hes asked to help me theres an attitude or complaint. When things dont get done ie. Clean washing put away its commented on. I really dont ask for much help. I'm aware that I'm home when hes working but I've got MS and some days are a struggle. He always comes home to a clean and tidy house. I make all the meals, see to the kids, do all the dishes, laundry, decorating and general cleaning. All with a 14 month old that's (to put it harshly) awful a lot of the time. Shes having tantrums and wont leave my side.
My 10yo tries to help SOMETIMES (not that I like that coz it's not her responsibility) but my youngest nips and bites her, pulls her hair and screams when she picks her up (she does this with anyone but me) my oldest is hormonal and I'm convinced she hates me. Shes also lazy a lot of the time and if I ask her to bring her dirty washing down or pick up the rubbish shes just thrown on the floor she goes in a huff.
My health sucks, I'm not allowed to drive as I have blackouts so I rely on people and I hate that. Nobody really bothers me anymore. My relationship with my family has gone downhill lately. I dont get 2 minutes to myself. I haven't showered for 2 days because I haven't had time. My DH is currently sleeping on the couch and my youngest is wrecking the house. My oldest is lying on the floor with her phone in her hand and headphones on.
DH gets around with a face like crap 99% of the time and when I'm tired or unwell I'm called miserable. It's just not a nice way to live. If we do go anywhere I'm expected to be ready in 10 minutes. I have to get myself and both the kids ready and get his stuff sorted while he sits and drinks coffee, plays on his fone and watches TV.
Sorry for the long post but I need to rant. I have nobody I can talk to. I'm aware I'm complaining a LOT but when i cant even eat my COLD tea because LO is climbing up on me and hes just sitting shouting at her (hes had his hot meal and is finished, I've taken his plate away and cleaned up) or when the atmosphere in the house is so bad I can actually see myself going into the kitchen and cutting my own throat I have to let it out.
He keeps opening his eyes and snoring LOUD 20 seconds later.

How do you feel if you if you consider leaving him? Sorry you feel so crappy :(

hes had his hot meal and is finished, I've taken his plate away and cleaned up

Why on earth would you clear his plate when you haven’t finished eating, unless it was so he could play with the baby? Sounds a bit martyr-ish.

It sounds like you’re finding it really hard to ask for what you need, probably because of the reaction you get from him. Could you try talking to him about it at a quiet moment when you don’t actually need him to do anything? You should be able to ask him to look after the baby so you can have a shower or finish your dinner. Otherwise what’s the point of being in a relationship with him?

I dont know how I feel about leaving him to be honest.

I clear his plate so it doesn't get left on the floor for the baby to get and he cant shout at her for playing with a dirty plate. If I don't do things they dont get done. It's that simple 😕

Will he pay for a cleaner? a part time nanny? an au pair?

If he isn't prepared to pull his weight perhaps he is could be persuaded to pay for someone to do HIS share.

It shouldn't be all on you, even if he does work full time and make 'loadsa money'.

Sounds like you have the care of 3 children - the biggest an overgrown brat and your daughter sounds as though she is taking lessons from him

It's a nice thought but he feels as I'm home all day I should do it. The oldest is turning into him ☹

The comments on here are much nicer than I anticipated for you, I tend to find them bashy and just informing you of what you already know so I’m glad for you they aren’t too bad, you don’t making to feel any worse.

It’s not a nice situation you’re in. I think deep down you probably don’t want to leave him judging by why youve said. Maybe sit and write out the pros and cons of being with him? Sounds silly but I literally wrote everything out to decide 😂 if you have many more cons than pros, it’s definitely worth another thought into leaving. You’d probably feel a weight lifted and be a happier you. Alternatively, I don’t know your home life truly is.... but you need to dig your heels in and tell him how things are going to change and enforce change. Easier said than done but if you want to keep your relationship and keep a healthy mind, it needs to happen

How miserable OP

So what would happen if, for example, you asked him to take his plate to the kitchen?

Or if you said "actually I'm going to drink a coffee as well whilst I get ready instead of rushing around. Can you dress the LO".

What are you afraid of?

I really feel for you, OP, that's no way to live. So sorry to hear of your MS, that in itself is a lot to deal with, I don't know how you manage to do all that. As hard as it sounds, you need to consider leaving him. Is that a possibility? Do you have any other family you could stay with?

I've got a fella that will take me anywhere (only if I make the decision where and am ready in the time scale he thinks is right) and buy me anything.

Yeah, I am wondering if part of the problem is that you are (understandably) dependent on DH and this is causing you frustration? On the other hand, he sounds like a lazy fucker.

Blimey, that's a lot to deal with. It's not what I would call a "wonderful life".

Sounds like both your girls are being quite badly affected by his behaviour and the volatile environment he's created for you all.

I'm going to guess he's gradually become worse and worse over time?