To not change my plans

[DancingQueen2018]

DH announced last week that he's booked half term off and wants us all to go away for a week because he needs a rest (bit of a workaholic). The problem is I've already made plans for half term (spa day with my friends - childcare all sorted without him, 2 or 3 prebooked things with the children and assorted friends all non refundable).

I suggested we go away for a few days and be back in time for my things (he can then have a couple of days on his own at home to do what he likes) but that won't do as he needs a least a week of rest, or that if he really needs a proper rest perhaps he should go away on his own or with friends, but that won't do either.

I fear if we all go on holiday (children are 6 and 3) he will have a proper rest (lie in's, lounging etc) whilst I'm run ragged getting grumpier and more resentful. Things in our marriage aren't great anyway and I don't want to feel like I've had to change all my plans to go somewhere effectively on my own as he needs a rest.

But am I being massively unfair?

Half term is so close! He can't just announce that he's booked it off and expect you to change your plans.

What time has he taken off in the summer? Can you go away then?

2 weeks booked in August - we'll hopefully be going away!

Yeah he's being unfair expecting you to change all your plans. Tell him to sod off on his own for a week

YANBU. He can't just expect you to drop everything and do what he wants at such short notice. You've suggested two compromises and he's refused both of them. He's behaving like a child.

Was he aware of the plans (even vaguely) that you have made for mid-term?

Had he asked anything about what the DCs were doing? Or shown any kind of interest?

Had he checked with you before actually booking the time off, to see if there were any things already organized that may have clashed with his ideas?

Even without the answers to these questions, I reckon that you had already booked certain activities, including making arrangements and payments, which means that you are no longer available on those days.

So your notion of a few days away together BEFORE those activities, or DH going away without you to relax himself, are both valid options. But you have already made commitments for the other days so, yes, you would be perfectly entitled to say no to going away for the whole week, just because it suddenly suits DH.

In fact, how would he feel if you had made arrangements for midterm that included a full week away (the whole family, including him) and then presented it as a fait accompli, demanding that he take time off work to facilitate this?

You are not being unfair at all. 'We've already got plans for the week. If you feel really strongly about needing time away you'll have to go without us.'

Another option you could suggest is that if he really wants time away with the children he could take them and you'll stay home on your own to keep your commitments.

You’re not being unfair, he’s sprung this quite late and it sounds as if what he considers a break will be for him but not for you! YANBU IMO