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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To talk to dd about her weight

18 replies

User6667 · 12/05/2019 18:21

My 24 year old dd has recently lost quite a bit of weight. She was overweight by about two stone at 12 stone at 5’4 she seemed to lose the weight very quickly. Now six months on she appears underweight. I borrowed her laptop and she had left up on the screen a Bmi calculator showing a bmi of 16.8 and weight of 7 stone. I believe by her appearance this is her weight at this time. Do I bring this up with her or wait until she talks to me?

OP posts:

wenavigatebythesoulswefind · 12/05/2019 18:31

Go to the Beat website and perhaps get advice from their helpline.

missymayhemsmum · 12/05/2019 18:39

Bring it up. You have to talk to her about it, and the fact that she has looked up a bmi calculator and lent you her laptop is an opening, and possibly a cry for help. Be a nosy concerned mother. It could be diet that got out of hand, could be an eating disorder, or she could have another illness. Whatever is wrong, she needs to know you are worried and you care

Abbazed · 12/05/2019 18:49

7 st is about right for 5ft 4. I'm 5 1 and 7 st 3lb..

Fatted · 12/05/2019 18:52

@Abbazed not if it's a BMI of 16 it's not! Healthy range is 18-25.

I'm only 5'2" and 7st is the bottom BMI for someone my height. My sister is about 7.5st and is very, very thin.

Chescasacuriousstudent · 12/05/2019 19:02

I would say bring it up with her, but not directly if you get what I mean?

For example, ask if she's still trying to diet / lose weight as you are worried that she's maybe not eating properly, or has lost too much instead of outright asking if she's underweight or has an eating disorders etc

Also maybe don't bring up seeing the BMI it weight on the computer as it may make her defensive about it or encourage her to try and hide the issue instead of talking.

Sorry if this is long winded just trying to think of things I wish my mum had done when I struggled with eating & weight issues. Hope this helps as I'm sure you just want her to be healthy and happy and she will probably benefit from knowing you care so much about her :)

user87382294757 · 12/05/2019 19:05

Is she going through some stress which might have triggered this?

Abbazed · 14/05/2019 18:29

I hope she's ok.

Absofuckinglutely · 14/05/2019 18:43

@Abbazed 7stone is not about right for 5 foot 4, that's an absolutely ridiculous statement to make. That's seriously underweight.

I'm that height and 8.5 stone and a size 8 and am definitely slim . At 7 stone I'd be positively emaciated.

EmeraldShamrock · 15/05/2019 20:23

Ok, it is hard to approach this, do you think she is aiding her weight loss with any weight loss tablets. Is it diet alone? Can you ask her how much she has lost to do the maths, hopefully she is not 7 stone, sees it as a goal, weight loss gives a serious high, hopefully it will balance put, she is eating healthy food.
Approach it gently.

EmeraldShamrock · 15/05/2019 20:24

*Is she eating healthy food.

CottonSock · 15/05/2019 20:26

I'd be emaciated at 7st and I'm 5'1.
I hope she is ok. Could you try school nurse?

Passthecherrycoke · 15/05/2019 20:30

She’s 24 cotton

I would have to speak to her- but surely you’ve already approached it from a you’re very thin all of a sudden type place, without the need for BMI?

There are no quick answers or solutions here, there may never be- but you can’t just ignore it and hope she talks to you, that’s bonkers

Stompythedinosaur · 15/05/2019 20:35

Yes, I think you have to talk to her. Do it gently and from a point of being concerned. That is quite a low BMI. If she is reluctant to talk to you it might be worth exploring if she would discuss it with a professional.

It would be helpful to talk about whether she feels like thinking about food or her weight is taking over her life, rather than on her low weight.

WonderTweek · 15/05/2019 20:36

I'd say bring it up but don't mention the BMI thing. When I had an ED I would mess about with BMI calculators all the time, and would definitely have been embarrassed if someone had found out what I was doing. I also used to visit all sorts of dodgy ED websites and would have died if someone had seen my browser history.

Maybe text her and ask her if she's ok so she won't be put on the spot. Sometimes texting is easier than talking when it comes to stuff like this. If she does have an ED she would likely to be quite defensive and think everyone is out to "get" her, so I would go for a cautious and friendly approach. Hope she's ok.

Passthecherrycoke · 15/05/2019 20:36

Also, I know this is a big expense but I’d offer to pay for private eating disorder/ diet help if at all possible. The outcomes aren’t good for eating disorders, and you aren’t going to get much out of the GP. At least privately it can be pushed and monitored.

SuziQ10 · 15/05/2019 20:41

My best friend was hospitalised at 6.5 stone. She is 5ft7 and very poorly.

This weight loss seems to have happened very quickly. It is something you should talk about. You need to clarify whether she's intentionally lost all this weight and is potentially suffering an ED. Or if there is another medical reason why she's losing so much. And book a GP apt for her, however I would second the PP advise re: going private if this is an ED, she needs help as quickly as possible.

CottonSock · 15/05/2019 20:42

Sorry op I misread her age.. ignore me!

justasking111 · 15/05/2019 20:54

I would be concerned. Does she appear to be eating healthily?

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