How do I ask my heart?

[yellow876]

Posting for traffic.

I have a relationship quandary and I don't know what to do. Friends say go with what your heart tells you to do. How the AF do any of you 'go with your heart' people do it?

Or how do you 'head driven' (like me) people go with your heart in the times when you have?

By the way I'm late 40s so really should be too old for this shite.

Going with your heart is awful advice
You need to go with what is actually sensible

Listen to your instincts and go with your head!

My head works out all the permutations and consequences (and the most sensible option). My heart says, "Meh, what's the worst that could happen" (having been fully informed of the consequences) so I do what I want regardless of the sensible option...

... And later as I pick myself up and put me back together again I reflect that I should have gone with the sensible option.

Pookie - there is no sensible. It would be sensible to go with either option.

ILive - I don't trust my head at the moment.

In everything I have regretted the main thing is that I didn’t choose was was most sensible

There is always one option that makes more sense

Pookie - hm. Yes I see. Out of these options they both totally make sense for different reasons. But I can turn around what you've said a little bit and it makes one of the options more sensible than the other in the light of how it came about (which was not sensible).

Display - yes I usually works out permutations and consequences and usually resolve to do the most sensible. Which is why heart never comes into it. In this case, the permutations and consequences are fairly evenly balanced (and very imaginary so it's hard to really think logically).

You need to take out any factors like ‘X would be hurt’ or ‘I’ve invested time and money’ into decisions
So only facts not feelings to start with
Feelings are not helpful some of the time! You can’t help how it might make someone else feel if you want to make a decision that is right for you, you can’t then make the decision based on someone else

OK, what I do in this situation is I lie down and convince myself I have made decision A, then that I have made decision B.

Always, one of the decisions will fill me with relief. Always go with the decision that fills you with relief.

I agree cupcakey. OP - act 'as if' you have made the decision one way, and then act as if you have taken the other way. See what feels right.

Flip a coin. It doesn't matter how it lands, your heart will be screaming out the answer way before it lands. That's your heart answer

If there are two options imagine if you had no control over the outcome, if the outcome had to be option A how would you feel, if the outcome had to be option But how would you feel? Then go with the one that makes you feel happy/excited etc. Not sure if you've seen the episode of friends where Rachel takes a pregnancy test, Phoebe tells her it's negative and she gets really upset despite thinking it would be terrible to be pregnant, Phoebe then reveals that the test is actually positive and Rachel decides she knows she wants to keep the baby although it isn't leftism or logical in her circumstances.

@IAmTheChosenOne puts it beautifully and much more succinctly than I did!

Life is too short to have regrets
Make a decision, now or never

Yep same as chosen and zippy

I second flip a coin idea by iamthechosenone

Can you tell us what the options are?

Tell us your dilemma and we’ll give you our suggestions/opinions. Your reaction to our suggestions/opinions will help you work out what you should choose.

Listen to your head. Your heart will lie.

I don't believe in right or wrong choices. If you chose A and it all went horribly wrong, how do you know that choice B would have been better? It might have been even worse. It really is about committing to your choice - letting go the other option and giving it your best shot. If it is going wrong, having the wisdom and courage to walk away from it and create a new path. Once you choose option A then all the permutations around option B are closed to you and their consequence no longer matters.

There is always a third choice. Do nothing and let the scenario play a little longer and see if your path becomes clearer. OR do neither and create a new direction. If your relationship dilemma revolves around choosing between two people I would say choose neither - if it is a stay or go situation I would choose go. Your indecision speaks volumes.

If you really can't choose - the choices are not good enough. Strike a new path.

Thanks all!

I tried flipping and it came out with option A and I was happy. But then I read @posh's advice "There is always a third choice. Do nothing and let the scenario play a little longer and see if your path becomes clearer."

And that made me feel much happier. So it turns out what my heart really wanted was option C, which my mind had not even considered. Not at all because it's a cop out but because in my scenario, taking my time and not rushing is absolutely what is needed (my mind is enforcing a rush, not the situation).

Sorry I can't be specific. But just at least wanted to say thank you and to outline what I've decided.