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AIBU?

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Original poster

Friend shoplifting

28 replies

MarjoryDawess · 12/05/2019 16:55

Hi I would like some advice about my friend.

She has confided in me that she shop lifts regularly and can’t stop. I’m completely shocked as I have known her for many years and felt this was completely out of character.

She is a lovely person who is kind and selfless and always been there for me through thick and thin. She has a well paid job and high disposable income.

She has two young children and an attentive husband. She has no mental health issues as far as I’m aware. She has been doing this weekly for a few years!

Should I tell her husband? I don’t want to lose her as a friend- or should I just do nothing? She doesn’t seem to be bothered about getting caught and says she knows exactly what to say if that were to happen!

OP posts:
Passthecherrycoke · 12/05/2019 16:56

I wouldn’t do anything. What’s her husband going to do, tell her off?

Chancewouldbeafinethlng · 12/05/2019 16:57

Oh that’s a tough situation, very unfair of her to tell you as it’s puts you in an uncomfortable position.
What do you want to do?

Wauden · 12/05/2019 17:00

I wouldn't tell her husband as that's not for you to tell.

Shop lifting can be a symptom of stress or anxiety. Or not, I don't know enough. Does she seem stressed or anxious?
It's not an excuse, though!

Original poster
MarjoryDawess · 12/05/2019 17:01

Well I’m not sure what I should do? I guess if I’m not going to tell her husband then there’s nothing to be done. I’m certainly not going to visit the shops she goes to and grass her up to the security guard.

I think I’m just so shocked - I never in a million years would have believed it if it hadn’t come straight from her.

OP posts:
Passthecherrycoke · 12/05/2019 17:03

I don’t think you need to do anything, it’ll catch up with her. It must be a shock if you knew her well but it just goes to show all sorts go on behind closed doors!

Original poster
MarjoryDawess · 12/05/2019 17:03

No she’s not stressed or anxious- quite the opposite. If she were anymore laid back she’d be horizontal!

She’s also confident, very well educated, charming, beautiful and well respected and liked - I just don’t understand at all.

OP posts:
Wauden · 12/05/2019 17:04

Ask her how she feels about it.

Original poster
MarjoryDawess · 12/05/2019 17:08

Wauden She feels excited about it ?! All smug inside- flirts with staff and distracts them. Knows where the cameras are etc. She obviously feels very clever- but she is very clever anyway!

OP posts:
IceRebel · 12/05/2019 17:09

Not that it would be a excuse but I could symapthise slightly if she was struggling, and stole occasionally as she couldn't afford little luxuries. However, you have said this isn't the case, nor can you think of a reason why she might be acting in this way. For these reasons, and the fact she seems happy bragging about it, I would feel awkward and it would definitely sour the friendship for me.

OneHanded · 12/05/2019 17:14

You say she’s so laid back she’s almost horizontal but maybe that helps to explain (not justify don’t get me wrong) her doing so? Often in life we need a vice, something to give us that kick or high, and for her shoplifting does so in the same way a glass of wine may others?

recrudescence · 12/05/2019 17:16

I would tell a friend like this that I did not approve and didn’t want to hear anymore about. I’d then try to forget about it. Total cop-out I know.

Nanny0gg · 12/05/2019 17:19

She's a thief.

Don't dress it up. She may not be out burgling or snatching handbags but she's a thief.

I wouldn't want someone like that as a friend.

SunshineCake · 12/05/2019 17:24

What does she plan to say when she's caught ?

Sillybillypoopoomummy · 12/05/2019 17:25

Why was she telling you? Was she proud, or do you think she was telling you knowing that you would be shocked and could maybe help her?? There are other ways to thrill seek that won't land you in jail...

user87382294757 · 12/05/2019 17:29

maybe speak to her about what would happen if she got caught, she could get a record, lose her job?...

As an aside, I read sometimes menopausal women start shoplifting! Interesting.

SecretNutellaFix · 12/05/2019 17:29

Refuse to ever go shopping with her if she asks.

Personally I would distance myself from her gradually- her telling you this is going to colour your views on her. For example- if she gives you or anyone a gift you'll end up wondering if it's something she's stolen.

Iruka · 12/05/2019 17:36

Why do we have special words to disguise nasty behaviour. Shoplifting is a wafty word for stealing. She is a thief and I wouldn’t hesitate to call her that and have nothing more to do with her.

oneforthepain · 12/05/2019 17:37

www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-16469928

Why did she tell you?

Redglitter · 12/05/2019 17:40

With a bit of luck shell get caught soon

Passthecherrycoke · 12/05/2019 17:41

That’s a really good article oneforthepain

FancyAPint · 12/05/2019 17:42

www.psychologytoday.com/gb/conditions/kleptomania

sansequilibrium · 12/05/2019 17:49

I have a friend that was a kleptomaniac.

It came to a head when she stole from me. The item she took had no monetary value, but held sentimental value.

She eventually confessed, and told me that she was a kleptomaniac; she returned the brooch to me.

Like your friend, she stole from shops(I believe I was the exception), and always items that she could afford to buy herself.

For her, it was a compulsion, which she said started out as thrill seeking in her late teens. She sought help, and to the best of my knowledge is no longer helping herself to other peoples property.

Your friend might have confided in you as she believed you wouldn't be judgmental, and it might just be a cry for help - even if she seems to be basking in how very clever, and daring she is. Surely she must want to stop?

BMW6 · 12/05/2019 17:54

Yuck.

Original poster
MarjoryDawess · 12/05/2019 18:06

Sansequilibrium

Yes I think she does want to stop. She says to herself when she goes to the shops she will pay for everything but then sees an opportunity to steal something and can’t resist.

It’s stupid things that she doesn’t even need or want like a jar of marmite or ground coffee. Like your friend I think it’s a compulsion.

Do you still see your friend or are you no longer in contact?

OP posts:
Wauden · 12/05/2019 19:15

I have read that well-off people steal from shops even if they can afford to buy the items. This is very arrogant. Shops suffer as a result and have to put up prices which the rest of us have to pay.