To want to go home

[Moofreemum1]

On a long weekend break with my family. I'm 30s and my sister is a bit younger. She is spoiling the trip for every one, I don't want to say too much as could be outing but her mood swings and personality are having us all walk on egg shells and panda to her needs. I've bit my tongue because I don't want a huge argument. Thankfully we leave tomorrow but still got another night and morning with her. I understand she has MH problems because I've had them myself but I don't feel that's an excuse to be point blank rude to people. I feel she sometimes uses that as an excuse to get her own way. She threatened not to do something, we accommodated her wants and then she changed her tune. It's draining, im sad because I feel I can't talk to her incase I say something she doesn't like. Never used to be this way. Its getting my DM down too I know people will say just don't go along with what she wants but when you're away it's hard to keep the peace. AIBU to want to leave and not speak to her for a few weeks.

Of course you do. It's a terrible bind your sister has put you in to have to be present and amicable when you want to run and be angry. Leave if you can?

Unfortunately I can't just leave. I will have to stick it out until tomorrow morning. I've already avoided speaking to her if possible today just kept the chat on neutral grounds. I have already been snapped at once however though.

MH issues are not a valid reason to be a cunt and spoil things for others. Yanbu.

Why are you all pandering to her?

It's one thing to bend to accommodate her because she's not well but if she's simply stropping one way or another, why can't you say something? You're not doing her any favours.

It sounds like you’re all enabling her bad behaviour. Call her out - having mh issues is not a resin to be so vile.

Yes MH issues aren't. And me and my DM have both had them so know you don't have to be rude. It's a choice to be rude. These issues are just so she gets her own way. She's gone every place she wants to eat. If she doesn't want to go there she will have a hissy fit.
I think we all pander because we don't want hell to break loose. Knowing my sis she would run off to cause the biggest effect and scream victim. If we were at home I could just up and leave and go home. We are suppose to be going away again in a few months. And I really don't want her to come. I'm going regardless because this trip is for my child.

But why??

You all say we want to eat here. She says I don't. You say OK, see you later then.

Well if you all pander to her she has no reason to change her ways. Stand up for yourself and stop her in her tracks if she starts to throw a tantrum - let the rest of you just walk away from her and carry on your day as planned. As for the next trip, if it's a trip for your child then just don't invite her.

She and her partner have already ready been invited? How am I suppose to uninvite?
I think everyone is scared about what she will do? She can be very dramatic, may be get aggressive? Or run off like I said.

Wait till you get home and tell her Dh that they are no longer invited as she chooses to be rude and selfish, and you don't want to put up with it ruining another holiday.

You’ve pretty much described a very close member of my family. I feel that she’s often enabled by us letting her be rude and cause arguments as we never call her out on it but family tend to excuse her behaviour and say we have to accept it.
Unfortunately I’ve found the only way to manage it is to retreat from the relationship. I’m not sure how you can manage the next trip im afraid

Absolutely uninvite her and tell her exactly why. Surely her partner can see how unreasonable her behaviour is. How does he/she put up with her?

I think everyone is scared about what she will do? She can be very dramatic, may be get aggressive? Or run off like I said

And? Let her. The world won't end.

It really doesn't matter if someone in their 20s runs off. Just leave her to it!

You are totally enabling her.

I get it. My DSis is the exact same and my DM and myself KNOW we are enabling her and that she just needs to be told but the times we have, the fallout has been so epic, it's easier to just grey rock to keep the peace. Plus DM is terrified that she will lose contact with her granddaughter if she pushes too hard. It's draining and exhausting and you end up feeling tense and resentful but I understand your reasons why you don't push back. I'm very low contact with my DSis as a result

Is it your trip next time that you arranged? Can you univite her? If it is, then do so. Say to her, in your return "you don't seem to be able to compromise and it makes it less pleasant for the rest of us, so since this trip is for DC, were going to do it without you next time. When you feel more able to join in family times, we'd welcome a further short break with you but just not right now. "

If it's not your trip, tbh, I'd be imclined to drop out if I were you and do something else more enjoyable. (Relaxed mummy, relaxed DC. )

@worlds0kayestmum yes that is exactly it. Usually however she isn't this way to me or my DF as she know we would normally say something. But because we are away like you said we know the fall out would be epic.
My DM organised this next trip. Me and my parents and child went last year it was lovely. They couldn't come last year. Now they can and I'm dreading it. However it she spoils it for my child I will say something.
Last night she decided to stay in her room in a mood. Didn't want to come out and eat. Spoke to no one, no one's knows what they did and why she's being nasty......

You really should tell sister before you go on the next trip that her childish behaviour and tantrums will not be tolerated. No point waiting until you get there and she ruins the trip for everyone else. Maybe she'll throw a strop and not go which would be a positive result for the rest of you.

@drum2018 my DM told her partner that she doesn't want her coming if she's going to behaviour this way. Feel sorry for my sis other half as he hasn't done nothing wrong.
Sis started on my DM yesterday and claimed my DM was the one with attitude towards her. Which none of us couldn't believe. She hasn't spoken to none of us since, we all have no idea where this mood has come from.

Could believe*