Anyone else having a crap sunday?

[saturdayhelpme]

I have MH problems and have woken up today after a long & hard week feeling crap about myself.

I had a new job that I started on Thursday, didn't even manage the whole day, had a panic attack and quit that afternoon. They must think I'm a psycho.

I have no job, can't manage to keep a job, going back to college in September (I'm 20) so at least that will give me something to do.

Today I feel awful about myself, depressed, don't want to get out of bed or shower etc. Just want to binge eat. (I have an ED).

My boyfriend (30) pays all the bills (we live together) & works full time (owns his own business) and thankfully he's never held it against me that I can't work & don't cope a lot of the time.
I feel useless.

I just wish I could skip to September so at least I'd have a purpose in my life.

Op well done for getting a place in college for September. It’s ok that you can’t work right now. The fact you tried is commendable. It’s not easy putting yourself out there.
Are you currently seeking treatment for your MH. You have some time before starting college maybe use the time to try get your MH under control. I know it’s not as black and white as that.
Could you maybe even try doing a fitness class or volunteering for an hour a week for the Summer?
If you need to rest today that’s fine. Just take it a step at a time and don’t be so hard on yourself. 💐

@CelavieAnnie Thank you, I was under CAMHS from age 13 but as soon as I turned 18 I've had no help since, been on a waiting list for CBT for 18 months so far & they won't refer me for eating disorder help as I don't meet the weight requirements (I'm underweight but not scarily thin iyswim?). Take anti depressants but they only do so much!

I've looked into volunteering but as I can't drive there is really no where near me I can get to & the places are quite picky about volunteers, you have to put an application in etc sort of like a job application!

I'm looking forward to college in September and should be eligible for some money then either via a maintenance loan or a disability loan hopefully. I have literally no money and rely on my parents + boyfriend which makes me feel awful.

Don't give yourself a hard time, be kind to yourself. You applied for and got a new job, walked through the door on the first day and gave it your best shot. Unfortunately it wasn't the right time and the right job for you, but you took some big steps.

College sounds like a great plan. Just wondering if there is any job / small earner that you could do from home that might help you to earn a little bit of money and boost your confidence and self esteem?

Good luck with everything xx

@saturdayhelpme it’s good that you’re on the waiting list. When you’re in college there should be some in-house services you can avail of the, guidance counselor can put you in touch.
It seems you really are doing the best you can and having no money of your own can’t help the situation, but remember that this is temporary. You are making the right steps to change your future. As for now just mind yourself you’re doing great -try get out for some air tomorrow and enjoy a nice rest today. xxxx

I’m sorry you couldn’t stay on Thursday, would they consider letting you do half days?

Is there any study you could look at doing between now and September that would help you with your course in Sept? Or any practical placements (only a couple of hours at a time).

Could your bf/family teach you to drive.

You need something to get up and out the house for.

@IncrediblySadToo I agree that I definitely need something to do, driving is off the cards as it's too expensive + insurance etc.

I have no studying to do and can't afford to pay for an online course.

Just been to the shops and bought some food to binge on. Feeling thoroughly sick now! My boyfriend just kept asking me as I ate how I manage to lose weight whilst binging. 😅

@CelavieAnnie Unfortunately it's the same college I attended age 16-18 & they have no in house services that are suitable for me. We've tried so many things over the years but it's so hard to get MH help around here.

I'm just hoping tomorrow will be a new week, fresh start and all that!

I feel like running away right now and just exploring like a nomad 😂

@J0nesy Thank you, I've applied to some part time jobs but heard nothing yet. I used to receive PIP but they took it away after a recent assessment, currently in the process of appealing it.

I might have a long bath later as that's always a nice way to end the day.

Well done on getting your place.

You can enjoy your summer knowing you’ve something to look forward to!

This is going to sound stupid probably, but do you do a lot of cooking etc? If not, maybe something to start. It’ll give you some focus and if you’re feeling guilty that he’s supporting you, it’ll be nice for him! You could bake etc, too?

You should take up running. The benefit of exercising is brilliant and again, something for you to focus on!

*I know full well that these aren’t fixes for your MH and I’m not belittling it. But I also know that the sort of guilt you have about your partner can make things so much worse!

There are call centre companies where you can work from home. I used to do it when I was younger and made £1200 a month. Incredibly boring and also quite stressful but at least it’s from the comfort and privacy from home x

OP look at IAPT services in your area. Where I live there are self referral courses that run in big workshops for anxiety stress and depression and I found them really useful. Also they do online courses for cbt along other things. Definitely worth a look.

Where are you based OP? Could you look at volunteering at a local animal rescue or shelter? Animals can do wonders for your mental health and they are less stressful than humans!

The worst.

My close friend died last night, my estranged brother has got himself back in touch to threaten me and the so called mother I’m. I contact with is insisting I take my kids to meet her so she can see them or she’ll take me to court.

I hope your college course helps you XX

feel like running away right now and just exploring like a nomad

What’s stopping you?

thehop. I’m SO sorry to hear about your friend, was it ‘expected’ or sudden? Did you post about your brother before? But not there are at least two MNers going through the same thing, it’s so hard. I presume that’s your ‘mother’? If so, tell her to fuck off and do her worst. She’s got no chance of getting to see them through the courts.

@IncrediblySadToo no money, no idea

IncrediblySadToo thank you so so much. I’m pathetically grateful for the kindness. Possibly, my brother is a horrendous cock nostril and my mother thinks the whole world shines out of him.

Not me, and that’s why he doesn’t like me. I’m full and boring because we pay tax and don’t take drugs.

Yes, sadly, she had cancer. Our 14 year olds went through primary together and we stared friends long after they did. She suffered at the end, it’s a blessing of sorts. Last time I visited she said “Hop, I tell ya, I can’t remember anything I worried about” so I’m trying to not jet it get to me and am selling useless stuff to go on holiday with my lovely dh and dc. She never managed it bless her

Thank you again, so much. She frightens me, but google tells me you’re right so I’m inclined to find a backbone xx