AIBU letting my DH take DS abroad alone?

[Wellybobs2]

DH’s parents live abroad, I won’t say where in case anyone comes across this but it’s a 4.5 hour flight. We have gone to stay with them for 2 weeks every single year since before I was pregnant (DS is 2 now) After a very turbulent flight while I was pregnant I have become a very nervous flyer to the point where I have to get diazepam from my GP beforehand. I don’t particularly enjoy staying there, we tend to have to do what they want to do and go along with their plans, and they enjoy nights in pubs where as since DS has come along if he’s with us (which is usually the case as they insist we all go out rather than letting us have a night as a couple) and I just find myself counting down to home time all the while we’re there. Last year I said to DH I wanted a year off from going as I just feel stressed about the build up, flying and just on edge all the time I’m there. I thought he agreed until he spoke to MIL who suggested they go for a week instead of 2 and I stay at home while he takes DS on him own. I had to reluctantly agree as he is his father and I just knew what would be said about me if I said no. So he is taking DS and I’m just trying to busy myself with work but people (my mother mostly) are saying how selfish I am for not going with them, how worried sick she is they won’t take care of him (his parents do like a drink) and just making me feel bad.

AIBU for not going with them? Is it so bad of me to want a damn holiday just the 3 of us one year without having to go stay with his parents?

A) you’re not unreasonable to want a holiday somewhere else.

B) you’re not unreasonable to let your DH take the child away alone. I’d only be worried if he was not normally a proper parent and didn’t do the donkey’s work, but the fact he’ll take them alone suggests he’d be fine.

A week alone? Gosh - it’s like some kind of fantasy for me...

YANBU for not going. Your DH will be looking after his own child so I am not sure why your mum is worrying that the other GPS are not going to look after him!

Can you not go somewhere else just the 3 of you? He will only be using one week's leave and I assume you won't be flying anywhere and can go outside school holidays because of child's age so there will be cheap options out there .

let ?

Let? Wtaf?

I took ds to the UK for a week, DH stayed at home, due to cost. We had a whale of a time! DH had a week of eating what he wanted, sleeping as long as he wanted, bonding with the dog, watching whatever TV he wanted, scratching his big manly balls.

Send them off with a wave, enjoy a week's hol with them later in the year. It could be a yearly thing - embrace it!

Sounds great to me! Your dh and ds get a holiday with his family, and you get a week off.

He is ds dad, i'm sure he is more than capable of looking after his own child

I frequently take my children back to the UK to see my parents. Sometimes I take them to see DHs parents. DH often can't get the time off work. He would think I'm mad if I suggested waiting for him to be able to come as well.

Do you trust your husband to look after your son properly? Is he old enough to understand?

My daughter went away with my husband for 4 days back to where hes from, when she was just over 3. They were both fine

Also you do need a family holiday just the 3 of you some times. You need to get your husband on board with this. I'd suggest inviting the in laws over for a week while you both take a couple of days off work each and then go somewhere the 3 of you another time

Do your DH's parents ever come to you, or do they expect you to do all the travelling?

Make sure this is the last year your DH dictates the destination of your family holiday.

They always expect us to go to them every year, they occasionally come over in winter but don’t stay long as they visit other family.
I just get sick of our only holiday a year not exactly being a holiday for me! I think mum is worried as I say because they do get drunk a lot and I think she’s worried they will take their eye off him.
I know a weeks break will be quite nice for me but I’ve never been away from him for more than a night and he’s certainly never flown without me. I just feel uneasy about it all. I just wish DH would say that he understands why I feel like I do and next year we’ll have a family holiday without going to his bloody parents but he doesn’t even want to see my side at all x

Well how would you feel if you didnt see your parents for a whole year? I get its hard and you want a family holiday but he isnt bu to want to see his family for 7 out of 365 days.

OK how about a week with ils (+you) then a week holiday in a nearby location for you 3?

Is he a good adad or not?

Your Mum is implying he's negligent.

If she's right, yabu in not going / letting him take DS.

If he's a good Dad, then I'd just make sure you can do facetime and give it a go!

Why can’t you have a family holiday as well- is it the cost?

Make sure this is the last year your DH dictates the destination of your family holiday

I think DH taking DS for one week is a reasonable compromise - from the sounds of it OP, seeing your parents isn't restricted to once or twice a year?

Why can't you take another week somewhere else to do somethig as a family?

I agree with PPs. If he’s responsible enough to take care of DS properly then let him take him to visit his family without you, which will be a nice break for you. Then book a family holiday for the three of you at another time during the year.

And if I didn't trust DH to keep DS safe for a week, I'd be reconsidering the relationship.
Which includes leaving him with his drunk parents who won't watch him properly.