Passing baby round

[BlueMoon1103]

Am I being a mean and controlling Mummy or I am right to be a bit irritated? We’re out for family lunch and DS, 2 months old, was due a breastfeed, my boobs are aching, he’s not been great on breastfeeding lately so when he wants food I’m keen to feed him. He’d also fallen asleep in the car and was woken up when getting to the restaurant so he’s tired. I say I’m going to feed him to which I got the response of ‘it’s okay, I’ll distract him, give him to me!’ followed by other family members saying ‘yes pass him over, give everyone a cuddle!’ am I wrong in thinking I’m not obliged to hand my child round for cuddles? And if it’s time to feed him, him being ‘distracted’ isn’t the best thing? My relatives all have loads of baby experience so I feel a bit coerced by them sometimes and I think they see me as neurotic as it is! They’re lovely and we all get on really well but I just wish sometimes they’d wait for me to offer a cuddle rather than just expect one. Is it me?

Everyone wants a hold of a baby. Especially small ones. If you got to feed just get used to saying hand em over its feeding time. Seriously tho - you want your baby even if it ain't boob time just say it. If they think your neurotic let them

They should not ‘expect’.

I have lovely photos of dd’s first Christmas (she was 6 mo) where she was passed around and she loved it.

At two months your baby might reasonably prefer to stay at your breast.

If he needs feeding you have to feed him, of course! No one should keep a hungry baby away from its mother!

I'm going to get in quick though before everybody tells you no one should be allowed to hold your baby and to put him in a sling so no one gets a look in, and I will just say this: I've had my babies and they are now great hulking children who give me a quick hug when they feel like it. All those years holding babies and then it all just stops. So if anyone offers me a cuddle of their baby it makes my day. Unless it's hungry, of course!

People can ask, but you are not obliged to hand him over. Simply say no, I'm going to feed him before my boobs explode - that should shut them up.

I hate how people expect a hold of a small baby or will pass them round like pass the parcel (unless it’s v close family or friends). I’ve had total strangers ask for a hold or friends of friends ask (when I don’t know the friend of the friend at all!). Ultimately (in my view) babies are not toys and if you want to feed or hold your baby yourself it’s your choice and it’s not mean to say no. I know how awkward it can feel though.

I've been there done that when my now 9 month old ds was a newborn op - I can relate!

When my ds was 3 weeks old we had visitors and they all got to hold him lots at our house. Then we went to a restaurant and understandably ds was nervous as it was a new place etc. My auntie decided she had to hold him in the restaurant which I would've been fine with - I just needed to have him with me for the first 10 mins or so while he got used to his surroundings.

Tried to politely explain this but was met was lots of snide guilt tripping "oh you can hold him any old time, what about me? I've driven all this way" etc etc. It created a bit of an atmosphere but I kind of ignored it / changed the subject and she soon gave up.

It's tough op, but you have to stand your ground! In my experience people soon get the message. Good luck and enjoy your baby

I second what Drum2018 says.

Your child needs to eat and you're in pain.

If he needs feeding, then you feed him.
Issue with passing him round when he doesn’t need a feed though you’d be being ridiculous.

It’s lovely family want to cuddle him. Don’t make this into something it doesn’t need to be —a drama— just get your baby and feed him and then people can cuddle him once he’s fed and changed.

I don’t understand the need for a grown woman to ask strangers what she needs to do with her baby. There’s billions of threads on this subject and everyone has the same answer!

NoSauce - I wasn’t asking what I should do, I was asking if anyone thought I was wrong to be a little irritated...

Thank you everyone x

Again, there’s so many threads on here that tell you that it’s fine to take your baby and feed it, then pass him back once you’re done. Just use your common sense.

NoSauce - I do apologise for using the board for its intended purpose and for needing a rant with people (I thought!) understand. Don’t like, don’t comment!

I’m sorry Op.
I guess these type of threads irritate me a bit. Very often they turn into a huge thread with people telling the OP “your baby your rules” and how dare they want a cuddle, just keep hold of him etc etc. Which isn’t helpful imo. As long as you can take him back to feed when you want to then it’s fine that his family want to hold him.

Yup I found it frustrating too. Well meaning and generally lovely family taking the dcs off me when they were babies to try and settle them when I just wanted to feed them. I am conscious of my own wanting to squish every baby I come across and would wait to be offered a hold, they are precious!
Ultimately it's your baby and being firm when you need to is absolutely okay xx

Some people are ignoring the point, which was that the OP is pissed off at people saying they’ll hold the baby to distract him when in fact she says she wants to feed him, he wants to eat. Why offer to distract when the baby wants feeding? It’s bonkers. The baby will just get more and more upset. Just tell them, OP. I like the exploding boob reason a pp gave, no-one’s going to argue with that!

Why do people pass babies round like a parcel? You agree to one person holding your child but they take it upon themselves to pass your child round to others. Not even family just people we know. It annoys me. Does it make me sound like a controlling person not wanting my 7 week old baby to be passed around like a parcel.

Or we could normalise treating babies like people? And not sacks of flour to be passed round on a whim..

Sure, it's fine to want to hold a baby, why isn't it fine to be told no though? Why does your need for a cuddle override a baby's need to be fed? Or to not be overstimulated? Or the research that tells us babies are happiest and healthiest when held by mum and dad the majority of the time?

YANBU for holding your baby whenever you want...but even more when tired and hungry! If anyone took my babies from me when they needed feeding they would have screamed blue murder!

just say no if he needs feeding. Tell them you’ll pass him over for a cuddle when he’s done.

A bloke we know who has seen our daughter grow up. My daughter is almost 3. This bloke said I love you to my daughter. And thinks he has the right to pick my daughter up everytime he sees her Which I find creepy as he is not family. My husband doesn't see a problem with saying that is just how he is. But he doesn't do it to anyone else kids when he is around them. I worried for daughter safety.