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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

posting for traffic - how do you work with complex SN

50 replies

captainblonde · 12/05/2019 12:29

DS will start secondary in September and our local SN inclusive holiday club will not take him anymore (it primary school aged only). there is no equivalent for secondary aged school children.

the SS he will attend will not run a holiday club, childminders don't feel equipped to meet his needs (he is very tall and strong, with severe LDs and only very limited speech). I don't have family either and my request for flexible working (I requested working from home during school hols has been declined even though my role can be done remotely and the company let's lone parents in the same role regularly work 2-3 per week from home all year round).
I don't have family either.

DS has complex needs but I still have to pay bills. I am mid 40s and have always worked (the last decade only 20h/week but still...but I feel now I have no option but to resign.

Am I missing a trick? I am really desperate to keep my job.

OP posts:
Original poster
captainblonde · 12/05/2019 12:31

doh - title should have read with a child with complex SN

OP posts:
SuperLoudPoppingAction · 12/05/2019 12:31

The simplest way around it would be workplace changing their minds.
Are you in a union?

Original poster
captainblonde · 12/05/2019 12:35

super,
I am in a union but they said the employer only has to consider a flexible working request. they can refuse and there is nothing they can do to force them to accept my request.

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SuperLoudPoppingAction · 12/05/2019 12:36

Try posting this in employment issues.
I think there are certain criteria they have to use to refuse.
But it's not my specialism.

Mouikey · 12/05/2019 12:41

The advice you have been given is correct - I.e. they only have a requirement to consider not grant the request. Options are to see if there is an appeal process (probably not) or reapply after The allotted time (in our place it’s once per year). However - no workplace will grant the request your asking for - i.e to work from home whilst you have a child there - it just doesn’t work. You could request term time working - it may not change your salary given you work 20 hours per week. Worth looking into but again your employer may say no.

Does your SENCO have any advice? You can’t be the only local person in this situation?

Original poster
captainblonde · 12/05/2019 12:47

Our line of work doesn't work term time there is no point asking.

DS is currently in a resources unit. I spoke to the SENCO. Out of 20 children I am the only working mother (all children in there have complex and severe needs so not very much surprising). I just keep getting told to consider leaving work and claiming carers allowance instead. I wouldn't pay the mortgage on that so no option

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cansu · 12/05/2019 12:48

You need to get a social worker for him and try and get direct payments to pay for support during the holidays. Do not mention childcare and work but talk instead about him needing support to go out and have leisure activities and also need for respite. You can then use these finds to pay someone to be with your ds. You will obviously also need to pay part as you won't get enough to cover all the hours you need but maybe you can combine this with your annual leave and fewer days working from home?? It is very challenging though and is a constant juggling act.

Original poster
captainblonde · 12/05/2019 12:49

However - no workplace will grant the request your asking for - i.e to work from home whilst you have a child there - it just doesn’t work.

the colleagues who work regularly from home do that with children present. Work knows and doesn't mind.

I only work 4h day - DS still has a nap, likes to play on his iPad. I could easily work around him.

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Original poster
captainblonde · 12/05/2019 12:52

I have a social worker. we discussed childcare but I still out get 4hours /months.

SW said they don't offer school holiday childcare and that is my issue

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NoHolidaysforyou · 12/05/2019 12:53

Wow I'm so sorry you have been put in this position. I have no idea about any advice but I will be watching this thread and hope someone can give you some advice. You may want to try the SN section as well? Flowers

cansu · 12/05/2019 12:58

No they don't but could you argue that he needs more support to go out in the holidays?

Original poster
captainblonde · 12/05/2019 12:59

cansu, I could maybe squeeze out an extra 2hours but this wouldn't really sort my dilemma.

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Littlebluebird123 · 12/05/2019 13:03

Is there any respite you can access? I know some respite carers who do weekends on a regular basis and my bil has 2/3 full weeks a year where he goes to a specialised centre. He's an adult but teenage mental age. They run activities, days out etc.
He also attends an activity centre 3 days a week.
Is there anything like that in your area?

Original poster
captainblonde · 12/05/2019 13:06

little we get 4h once a month. it won't help me with DS being off school in the school hols b

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Original poster
captainblonde · 12/05/2019 13:16

is there a way to force SS to provide care during the day if I need to get out to earn a living?

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lasttimeround · 12/05/2019 13:19

For me flexible working and the council run a holiday playscheme of which I take the maximum of 5 weeks a year. DH parents are good and come to help out 1 week. We take holidays and see them 2 weeks. The rest is battle. Holidays with dd home mean I take 1-2 days off after to recover. Luckily we are still together so we have 2 adults and scrabble together as best we can. No secret why families with disabled children are poor.

lasttimeround · 12/05/2019 13:21

Do you get respite from LA? If not get an assessment and if so ask for reassessment re holidays. It's a legal requirement but open to lots of interpretation so sont get fobbed off. In Scotland this is under the childrens act and includes an assessment of carers needs. Takes while but dont quit job.

Original poster
captainblonde · 12/05/2019 13:23

yes, 4h a month and that was a battle over several years. there won't be (much) more. I know some children are very lucky and get 6 hours every month but even that would not help me.

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lasttimeround · 12/05/2019 13:23

Also check out your carers leave entitlement with your employer you possibly could use that while council reassess.

lasttimeround · 12/05/2019 13:26

Did your battle over respite take you up the reviewing ladder? We only got what we needed once we appealed decisions and took things higher up.

Original poster
captainblonde · 12/05/2019 13:28

last, I have no energy to battle for anymore. I am a working lone parent of an almost teen with severe learning needs. I exist. I have no energy left. I just need to hold on to my job if I don't want to lose the house. that's all. it's our home.

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Original poster
captainblonde · 12/05/2019 13:29

I do take some unpaid parental leave. usually about 2 weeks a year which takes me to 6 weeks leave (I have 20 days AL)

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SlackerMum1 · 12/05/2019 13:30

Perhaps talk to his new school (or even current one). A colleague has a child with complex SN and health conditions - one of the specialist TAs helps her out over the school holidays for extra cash.

wineandsunshine · 12/05/2019 13:32

Have you considered a nanny trained in SEN?

Maybe worth asking your social worker?

cansu · 12/05/2019 13:35

This is very extreme but have you considered weekly boarding. We did this for our ds aged around 14 at a specialist school near us. We did it for very complex reasons not related to working but if your d's has very profound needs and you are alone, it might be something to think about on the future.

Getting social care to pay will be v challenging. Before ds went as a boarder I used to get five hours a week which covered after school care for him and also eventually got four hours at the weekend which I saved up sometimes to use on holidays. I worked in education so didn't need hours in the holidays except for sanity reasons.

Options for childcare I have used over the years for both my kids with SN include
Nanny v expensive as could only afford one on occasions
Carer recruited privately and paid using ds disability living allowance
Holiday club we used to have an an playscheme so managed to get ten days approx over summer hols and the odd one or two over Easter
Paid a ta at d's school as a private carer in school hols. This could be an option for you although these tend to be short term and you would be lucky to get someone who wants as many hours as you are looking for.